Well, after all of the trumpet-blowing, scare-mongering, and general partying, it's here. Great. I've barely noticed. So what, exacty, is wrong with the the millennium? I'll show you, with some hep from the over-used bulletted points. The first bulletted points of the new millennium, in fact. Which leads me neatly on to my first point (bulletted, natch).
- The fact that people think that doing something for the first time since the new year is in someway more exciting than doing it before. All of a sudden it's the first news broadcast of the millennium; the first drink of the millennium; the first time you wiped your arse in the millennium. And so on. Thankfully this seems to have died away pretty quickly - but presumably there are still people out there desperately tying to find new mundane tasks to complete for the first time.
- On a similar note - millennium babies. Actually, after writing two and a bit paragraphs I've noticed something else -
the word millennium is too long to repeatedy type. I'm going to use the letters MM for the rest of this piece. If you don't
know why then learn some greek you heathens. Anyway, MM babies. How can you tell which was really the first, and which a
fraction slower. When is a child "officially" born? When its head pokes out? Or when the cord is cut? And spare a thought
for all those poor infants conceived and bred to be MM babies, but that weren't. Once they're old enough to work out exactly
why their birthdays are so near the new year they'll feel like they're eternal failures to their parents. Parents who,
I might add, don't deserve children, and see them more as cash-cows and fashion accessories.
Fig. 1 - "I tried, but I failed." - The MM bug. Or, more specifically, the people who are now saying "well what a waste of money it was to combat it - nothing's happened." You dumb knackers. Also, the people saying "well what about the year 10000? No computers can handle that." The MM bug is a problem because computers are being used that are 20 / 30 years old. Not ones that are 8000 years old. There's a slight difference.
- Celebrations (and not the Mars confectionaries, which are still great). How many fireworks is it strictly neccissary to see? Not that many. And how much confetti really needs to be used? Not that much. People went far far over the top. For all the excitement, it was still only a new year, and I challenge anybody to point out something really noticable that has changed. Bloody hell - when British summertime begins or ends my computer tells me, something that didn't happen when the century changed.
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Fig. 2 - "Dammit, now my royalties will be only half their previous amounts. Foiled again." |
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Maintained by Tony Gowland
Last updated: 4/1/00 |
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