MY E-MAIL

Surprisingly, I get a fair amount of e-mail about TIGU, and unsurprisingly I don't reply to most of it. This is for two main reasons. The first is that I actually use a different e-mail address to my Geocities one, and replying would give that away to people who I don't know. Secondly, most of the e-mail I get is written by semi-literate fools verbally abusing me because I don't like the same things as them. Of course, the thing with e-mail is that it's basically in the public domain, so you should expect anything you write to come back and haunt you. Which is what this page is all about. Let the insults commence.

From:RobiSchap@aol.com
Subject:HI FOOL!!!
on your homepage: Stop press - I've just found out that they like their name pronounced "Bengaboys". Well why spell it with a "V" then? Fools.
HEY Fool!
Venga is spanish, and in spain you spell v as a b! So V(b)engaboys!
FOOL FOOL STUPID FOOL!!!!

I retort: You spell "v" as a "b"? So why did you just spell it as a "v"? Surely you mean pronounce. And if both letters are pronounced the same then why not just use the "b" instead, and save themselves from international confusion? I could go on to mentioning your repeated use of the word "fool" (a trick which can only be successfuly pulled off by large black mohawked psychos), but I think I've spent enough time on somebody who is willing to defend the Bengaboys as it is.

From:saraenne@yahoo.com
Subject:Re: TIGU, and all that.
You were wrong... by the way... I'm not "some kind of goth chick"... just your average cyberpunk.
Sincerely,
§arah 

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~I am your clock. I am your religion.
~~L.A.R.D., "I Am Your Clock"

I retort: Being sent e-mails with people hanging in them - should I be worried? William Gibson has a lot to answer for, don't you think? "Cyberpunk" my arse. I suppose, rather than "switching on your computer", you "jack into" your "hardware". Oh, and who are L.A.R.D? For some reason I expect that song title to have "I am your religion" in brackets after it.

From:ramonlv@prodigy.net.mx
Subject:Stop Press? huh! learn spanish!
that are some words of your homepage!! well I can answer that dumb! the reason that u don't know how to spell it is beause u don't know spanish!!
it is in spanish! it means "come on boys!" "venga" dooo

I retort: My my, you lot certainly are protective of your appalling Euro-pop dance acts, aren't you? But thanks for writing and telling me what "Venga" (or is it "Benga"?) means. It just leaves me wondering if the blokes from the Vengaboys are gay, then? I'm intrigued. Just a tip, though: In English we start new sentences with a capital letter. See? I do my bit for education.

From:Third Coast Herbals
Subject:your site
I've been going through your site, laughing at the refs that are universal,
and trying to get the British ones... (aren't we Yanks always a beat
behind?)
Thanks for taking the time to put your site together! And for your
exhaustive "research".

I retort:What? Somebody sending me complimentary e-mail? What's the world coming to? Anyway, sorry to everyone outside of the UK who doesn't "get" all of the jokes. Maybe I should include an explanation. Along with a recording of me pronouncing words like "arse". Don't laugh, it's been suggested to me before. By some guy who sent me a recording of him saying "arse". Maybe I should be scared.... My research? Spending hours looking at pictures of the All Saints? Talentless annoying tarts they may well be, but they're fairly easy on the eye, if you understand my meaning.

From:John Buttimer
Subject:true arsewipery
hello cunt, want some lessons?

I retort:From a man with "butt" in his name? I think I'll pass, if it's all the same to you...

So - think you can write a better articulated missive than those shown here? I disagree. You could try to prove me wrong though, by sending me your attempts.

emceetg@oocities.com

TIGU Maintained by Tony Gowland
Last updated: 11/3/00