Currently there are the following acts described within this page:

PLACING ICING SUGAR IN YOUR TARGET'S BED

The placing of icing sugar in your target's bed is a most devious deed. At first glance it looks playful, almost kinky in fact, but upon further inspection the true horror becomes aparent.

For a start your target will wake in the morning (having spent a night being generally sweaty as humans are) covered from head to toe in cake icing. This is because their sweat will mix with the icing sugar, resulting in a lovely sticky coating.

The second result is that the icing will ruin all of their bedding and, when they attempt to wash said linen, will result in a dubious-looking off-white stain right across the bed-clothes. Mmmmm, nice.

How to perform this act:

Firstly, of course, you will need to find some icing sugar [Fig. 1.1] This is the only accessory that you will require, other than your target's bed (which they will supply).

Fig. 1.1 - The icing sugar. It is absolutely vital that you do not forget this.

Once you have your icing sugar proceed to your tagert's bed, and sprinkle a coating of the sugar between the top sheet and the lower sheet (i.e. the bit that your target will sleep on). The amount of icing sugar used depends largely upon personal preference, but I tend to go for a light / medium covering, as this is less noticable than the medium or heavy coatings. [Fig. 1.2]

Fig. 1.2 - The sprinkling. The icing sugar should be applied to the bed over the area shown (x).

Congratulations! You have successfully applied icing sugar to your target's bed, and if all goes well he/she will wake in the morning feeling rather sticky.

N.B. It has recently been pointed out to me that you can also try this jape with a series of other objects, rather than icing sugar. Ants, sugar, jam (or jelly, for all the Americans out there), or peanut butter could all be used, although large carniverous aquatic creatures (such as, for example, sharks) probably could not.

RUNNING YOUR TARGET OVER, IN A CAR

Let's face it, the title says it all really, doesn't it? Running Your Target Over, In A Car basically relies upon you running your target over, in a car.

How to perform this act:

Firstly, you'll need a car [Fig. 2.1]. This may seem obvious, but many a brave plan has been thwarted by such oversight.

Fig. 2.1 - If you don't have a car then why not build one yourself? It's not as hard as you'd imagine, as this clever prankster demonstates.

Once you have a car, and are sitting comforably within it you must learn how to drive. This need not be as complicated is it might seem, as you only need to go forward, and steer a bit. Once you have this simple skill mastered you must wait for your target to attempt to cross the road in front of your automobile (it is possible to run them over on the pavement, or even in their own house, but this is far more difficult, and should only be attempted by the experienced).

As soon as your target presents themself in front of your car accelerate forwards, and run them over [Fig. 2.2]. There is a slight chance that you will in fact knock them over instead, but don't worry, as this also is extremely painful. If you feel confident why not shift the car into reverse gear, and run them over again, while they're lying on the floor? By employing this method it is entirely possible to run them over as many as twenty times before the police arrive and you are arrested.

Fig. 2.2 - When you find yourself in the positon shown here drive back and forth over the area marked X. Until the police arrive, and you are arrested for murder. And dangerous driving.

DROPPING AN ANVIL ON YOUR TARGET'S HEAD

Although often shunned by the "hardcore" unpleasant community as being too soft, the simple yet effective act of dropping an anvil on your target's head is tried and tested and can often be seen employed by such masters of unpleasant comedy as the Warner Brothers (and their sister)[Fig. 3.1].

How to perform this act:

Obviously you will first have to find yourself an anvil. The choice of anvil is up to you, but the really unpleasant among you will plump for the "real, big, and heavy" option, rather than the "large but entirely fictional cartoon" method used, somewhat predictably, by cartoons.

Fig. 3.1 - Yakko Warner, the kind of person that uses anvils alot. Because I couldn't find a picture of an anvil, and I can't be bothered to draw one. Sorry.

Once you have acquired your anvil (whichever version you have decided to use) you must drop it on your target's head. It's as simple as that. However, there is one cruicial factor to take into consideration when dropping the anvil: The height of the drop. The further the anvil falls the more it will hurt, but the longer it falls the more time your target will have to move out of the way and the more chance there is of a well-meaning passer-by shouting a message of warning to your target. Choose your height carefully, and then perform that drop![Fig. 3.2]

Fig. 3.2 - Release your anvil and it will fall through distance X, coming to rest upon your target's head. Hopefully.