Star Trek, eh? What is it good for? Well for one thing it preaches American morals at the end of each and every episode (and most of the films too), which is obviously a Good Thing, isn't it? Hello? HELLO?
Sorry, but if you think that brainwashing through cheap (well, the original series was) programming is a really groovy thing then I'd be very much appreciative if you wouldn't stand so close to me. Thanks. Star Trek is pants, basically, and I can prove it through this series of easy experiments.
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Fig. 1 - "These are the voyages of the starship LargelyImprobableDesign charting new territory, and looking ridiculous in plots 'borrowed' from previous episodes." |
- The Films.
The films are supposed to be the high-points of Star Trek - intended to drag hundreds of thousands of NORMAL PEOPLE (not just Trekkies) into their local flea-pit in order to experience outer-space thrills. Obviously someone should have told the script writers, so that they didn't set about filling each movie with as much self-reference and in-jokery as possible. Buffoons.
Verdict: Pants. - The Original Series
Now let's not get into corpse-kicking here (although it's difficult given the circumstances), but who really, really, likes this? Anyone? At all? Thought not ....
Verdict: Pants. - The Next Generation
Plagued from the start by annoying brats and large-breasted women this has gotten steadily worse, as they re-tread every possible plot from the original series. And then from their own, earlier, series'. And then forget all about continuity and have silly time-travel episodes etc. And it can be logically argued that the last episode makes no sense (because it uses time-travel, natch).
Verdict: Pants. - Deep Space Nine
Sorry, I mis-heard you, did you say "Babylon 5"? It's just that they sound so similar. Not that that's any good either, but let's stick to the subject matter here. Oh yes, and to help save it's falling ratings they've started to steal characters from the Next Generation.
Verdict: Plageristic Pants. - Voyager
Or The Next Generation: Politically Correct Edition, as it's been known as in certain circles. AND! They've done that stealing characters thing that served so well for Deep Space Nine.
Verdict: Pants.
Well I think that that little experiment is fairly conclusive: it seems that the pants have it, doesn't it readers?
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Fig. 2 - Pants. |
15/8/97 - I've just had to go through this whole article changing every occurence of the word Star-Trek, as I've been reliably informed by some poor individual who needs lessons in social interaction ( Julie Martin - names have not been changed, to persecute the guilty) that it's actually spelt Star Trek. Now do you see what I have to put up with? *sigh* (I thought that you were dead anyway, Julie.)
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Maintained by Tony Gowland
Last updated: 16/6/98 |
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