The more I think of you, the more I
Love you; I do not see how anyone could
Hate you. You have always been to me an
Honest, faithful friend; I hope my love is not an
Object of comtempt. It is true that once I said
I would never marry, but that was before
I loved you. That assertion you know was
Uttered in a bragging manner, in fact not but
A lie, and I do not know why I made it. If I
Could even pluck up enough courage to
Offer you my hand I know very well you
Would be surprised and I doubt if you
Would accept it. I do not think I would
Listen to a refusal from your lips and
Thus make my whole life miserable. To die
Without ever expressing my love for you
Would be preferable to that. If you write to me
I shall be happy, but if you do not
I shall be miserable and gloomy, your letters
Are a source of pleasure and a failure to get them
Always make me feel like committing suicide.
Now read the poem again...but ONLY the odd-numbered lines. How 'bout that?!?!
The following poem is written by Caine...it's really good.
My lifeblood seemed to ebb away, and within the emptiness, despair gathered.
My love seemed to bleed to death and there was nothing.
I sit suspended in a state of nullity,
harder to bear than death itself.
Unless something happens, my soul will die..
I feel obliterated in a darkness that seems like the border of death.
Whatever life may be, it could not take away death.
Never ask what it is or is not..
To know is human, and in death we do not know, we are not human.
All these words cannot communicate my thoughts, or the strain I am facing.
Sometimes I think to myself,
How long have I been in the darkness,
or how I'm getting really hard to be with,
And how I am crying everytime I turn around,
And then I wonder why I cannot pick my head up from the ground.
People look at me like they don't speak my language,
or that I'm living at the bottom of a well.
It feels like I have swallowed awful secrets, that can never be told to anyone.
I know I must get myself together, but I cannot bear to walk
outside my door, or even look into the mirror.
I think to myself : How long have I been sitting in the darkness...
Trying to hold on tight,
Trying not to put out the light...
As I awoke this morning, a bright new day was born,
A robin perched on the window sill, to signal the coming morn.
The bird was lively,young and gay, and sweetly did it sing
A feeling of joy and happiness, within my heart did ring.
Then within its cheery song it paused a moment's lull,
So I gently closed the window, and crushed its bloody skull.
I watch the rain as it floods the town
And I watch the children drown.
They're doomed to die, in this place called Hell,
And everyone I love, will die as well.
Sooner or later, I'll be dead,
I hope it's sooner, so that I'll be led,
To a place where I can be alone,
To a place where no light hath shone,
To a place I'd consider Paradise;
Where there's no naughty, and no nice.
Don't you see, I'd rather die,
Than live this horrible life, and cry...
The following poem is my 1st.
I watch you lie motionless on the stone cold ground,
The room's filled with cockroaches, crawling all around.
Tearmarks cover your face, and your hair is in a mess,
But I know you, I know you, you say you couldn't care less.
I reach out my right hand, as you reach out your left,
We touch each other, but we are not saved.
The mirror between us remains, as the clock strikes nine,
I can't enter your world, neither can you enter mine.
All is silent, as we stare into nothingness
Remembering how life has been so horrible to us.
You say you long for happiness, you say you want love,
I say, "Stop torturing me, I've had enough!"
You ask if you were to jump off a building and die,
Will anyone come to your funeral, and cry?
My heart is aching...and it's bleeding all over,
I've wept till my tears ran dry, but no one will hear.
No...Don't...stop glaring at me like that,
I feel sick to the stomach, I know I'm going mad.
I'll never again want to live in the past!
Let freedom ring with a shotgun blast.
I'm lying on the floor, with a shotgun in my hand,
Blood is all around me, I'm the last one in this land.
Spikes growing from the ceiling, and growing on the floor,
Everyone is dead, there's life on Earth no more.
I've been marked for death by demons, but the angels kept me alive;
But their protection ended when the demons numbered five.
As I lie down staring at the sky and clouds above,
I realise I'm dead, and so is everyone I love.
Walking under the archways of the Palace of the Dead,
I hear voices singing, singing in my head.
They sing a song of death, one of life and one of love;
I think it's the angels, singing from above.
As I walk along the corridor I see a golden gate,
But I cannot get inside, for I have a different fate.
When I turn around, behind me stands an evil, ugly ghoul;
He laughs a wicked laugh, for he is very cruel.
Then he grabs me by the neck, and throws me down a hole,
And when I reach the bottom, a demon takes my soul...
Dawn breaks, night falls; another day is gone.
Here I am, lying here, forgotten and forlorn.
Everywhere I turn, there is endless misery.
Somebody tell me, how the hell can I break free?
Every lil' thing he said, keeps replaying in my head.
I never knew love can ever hurt so bad.
My grief breaks down into silent tears, but no one knows I'm sad;
Nobody even cares whether I'm alive, rotten, or dead.
I wonder, I really wonder, if he's also thinking of me?
But - oh! Why should he? I'm a fool, a stupid nobody.
I don't know what I'm living my meaningless life for,
If only I could feel joy or sorrow no more.
Like how a fragile sandcastle, crumbles back to the land,
My whole world's falling apart, yet I'm helpless as an ant.
Shattered dreams and disappointments, they're burying me alive.
But a wreck like me only wishes for death, and not to survive.
Oh, I used to be happy, like a bird flying in the sky;
But I fell from above, I see my life's been just a big lie.
Now I only hope my Father will come and take me away,
Let the day my heartache ends, be my Liberation Day...
Ears covered, eyes tightly shut
Sitting all alone in this ice-cold dungeon.
Head throbbing, wallowing in phantom blood;
Head spinning into a bloody black whirlpool.
Oh just shut up, and leave me alone
Leave me alone, and coolly watch me rot.
Stand far back, give an excuse:"I'm busy"
Dammit...as you coolly watch me rot.
I don't look at stars anymore, cos
You're not there with me.
I'm becoming another person
I'm counting the days...hahahahaha
Friends I have none, only close strangers
Turn on the radio full blast, and make me deaf.
Oh I am happy, really I am. Hahaha
Broken glass never seemed so damned attractive.
5th March 1997
You left my life as quickly as you entered it.
It's sad that we were not meant to be.
Why did you leave me hanging there?
And why am I still not letting go?
Maybe someday I'll look back on all these,
And smile at my own foolishness.
Yet till then I'll still be suffering,
Angrily...silently...stubbornly...
I dreamt of you again last night,
Can't escape this bittersweet torture.
Struggle. Denial. Masquerade. Defeat.
The light has finally gone out.
Bottled lava wanna flow,
Out of dormant volcano.
Anger, bitterness and pain,
Chunks of red hot lava rain.
It's gonna blow, it's gonna blow,
What a great show...
I don't care,
I just wanna disappear.
It's too late,
I'll forever hate...
Don't know what to think anymore,
Will soon walk out of this door.
Clenched fist,
Deep slit wrist,
Floor covered in red,
Soon to be dead,
Am losing the fight,
Can see the flashing lights.
Death Prayer
I want to bang my head against the mirror,
The door, the wall, or maybe the pillar.
Anything as long as it kills me instantly,
Good, quick relief is what I'm after.
I want to walk alone into the night,
Walk quietly out of everyone's sight.
Give me some liquor and lonely music on my way,
Just don't let me see tomorrow's light.
For God! If You won't help me fight this fight,
How do I hang on when You are not by my side.
And since my spirit can no longer be revived,
I beg You, now please take this criminal life.
I want to quit this tug-of-war,
Too tired to struggle anymore.
I'm forever bad, I'm forever wrong,
My pathetic existence, can't you see the score?
Hey...I DIDN'T write all those...my alter ego made me do it! *snigger snigger*
Can't take such morbid stuff? Then BACK TO MAIN PAGE
My love seemed to bleed to death and there was nothing.
I sit suspended in a state of nullity,
harder to bear than death itself.
Unless something happens, my soul will die..
I feel obliterated in a darkness that seems like the border of death.
Whatever life may be, it could not take away death.
Never ask what it is or is not..
To know is human, and in death we do not know, we are not human.
All these words cannot communicate my thoughts, or the strain I am facing.
Sometimes I think to myself,
How long have I been in the darkness,
or how I'm getting really hard to be with,
And how I am crying everytime I turn around,
And then I wonder why I cannot pick my head up from the ground.
People look at me like they don't speak my language,
or that I'm living at the bottom of a well.
It feels like I have swallowed awful secrets, that can never be told to anyone.
I know I must get myself together, but I cannot bear to walk
outside my door, or even look into the mirror.
I think to myself : How long have I been sitting in the darkness...
Trying to hold on tight,
Trying not to put out the light...
As I awoke this morning, a bright new day was born,
A robin perched on the window sill, to signal the coming morn.
The bird was lively,young and gay, and sweetly did it sing
A feeling of joy and happiness, within my heart did ring.
Then within its cheery song it paused a moment's lull,
So I gently closed the window, and crushed its bloody skull.
I watch the rain as it floods the town
And I watch the children drown.
They're doomed to die, in this place called Hell,
And everyone I love, will die as well.
Sooner or later, I'll be dead,
I hope it's sooner, so that I'll be led,
To a place where I can be alone,
To a place where no light hath shone,
To a place I'd consider Paradise;
Where there's no naughty, and no nice.
Don't you see, I'd rather die,
Than live this horrible life, and cry...
The following poem is my 1st.
I watch you lie motionless on the stone cold ground,
The room's filled with cockroaches, crawling all around.
Tearmarks cover your face, and your hair is in a mess,
But I know you, I know you, you say you couldn't care less.
I reach out my right hand, as you reach out your left,
We touch each other, but we are not saved.
The mirror between us remains, as the clock strikes nine,
I can't enter your world, neither can you enter mine.
All is silent, as we stare into nothingness
Remembering how life has been so horrible to us.
You say you long for happiness, you say you want love,
I say, "Stop torturing me, I've had enough!"
You ask if you were to jump off a building and die,
Will anyone come to your funeral, and cry?
My heart is aching...and it's bleeding all over,
I've wept till my tears ran dry, but no one will hear.
No...Don't...stop glaring at me like that,
I feel sick to the stomach, I know I'm going mad.
I'll never again want to live in the past!
Let freedom ring with a shotgun blast.
I'm lying on the floor, with a shotgun in my hand,
Blood is all around me, I'm the last one in this land.
Spikes growing from the ceiling, and growing on the floor,
Everyone is dead, there's life on Earth no more.
I've been marked for death by demons, but the angels kept me alive;
But their protection ended when the demons numbered five.
As I lie down staring at the sky and clouds above,
I realise I'm dead, and so is everyone I love.
Walking under the archways of the Palace of the Dead,
I hear voices singing, singing in my head.
They sing a song of death, one of life and one of love;
I think it's the angels, singing from above.
As I walk along the corridor I see a golden gate,
But I cannot get inside, for I have a different fate.
When I turn around, behind me stands an evil, ugly ghoul;
He laughs a wicked laugh, for he is very cruel.
Then he grabs me by the neck, and throws me down a hole,
And when I reach the bottom, a demon takes my soul...
Dawn breaks, night falls; another day is gone.
Here I am, lying here, forgotten and forlorn.
Everywhere I turn, there is endless misery.
Somebody tell me, how the hell can I break free?
Every lil' thing he said, keeps replaying in my head.
I never knew love can ever hurt so bad.
My grief breaks down into silent tears, but no one knows I'm sad;
Nobody even cares whether I'm alive, rotten, or dead.
I wonder, I really wonder, if he's also thinking of me?
But - oh! Why should he? I'm a fool, a stupid nobody.
I don't know what I'm living my meaningless life for,
If only I could feel joy or sorrow no more.
Like how a fragile sandcastle, crumbles back to the land,
My whole world's falling apart, yet I'm helpless as an ant.
Shattered dreams and disappointments, they're burying me alive.
But a wreck like me only wishes for death, and not to survive.
Oh, I used to be happy, like a bird flying in the sky;
But I fell from above, I see my life's been just a big lie.
Now I only hope my Father will come and take me away,
Let the day my heartache ends, be my Liberation Day...
Ears covered, eyes tightly shut
Sitting all alone in this ice-cold dungeon.
Head throbbing, wallowing in phantom blood;
Head spinning into a bloody black whirlpool.
Oh just shut up, and leave me alone
Leave me alone, and coolly watch me rot.
Stand far back, give an excuse:"I'm busy"
Dammit...as you coolly watch me rot.
I don't look at stars anymore, cos
You're not there with me.
I'm becoming another person
I'm counting the days...hahahahaha
Friends I have none, only close strangers
Turn on the radio full blast, and make me deaf.
Oh I am happy, really I am. Hahaha
Broken glass never seemed so damned attractive.
5th March 1997
You left my life as quickly as you entered it.
It's sad that we were not meant to be.
Why did you leave me hanging there?
And why am I still not letting go?
Maybe someday I'll look back on all these,
And smile at my own foolishness.
Yet till then I'll still be suffering,
Angrily...silently...stubbornly...
I dreamt of you again last night,
Can't escape this bittersweet torture.
Struggle. Denial. Masquerade. Defeat.
The light has finally gone out.
Bottled lava wanna flow,
Out of dormant volcano.
Anger, bitterness and pain,
Chunks of red hot lava rain.
It's gonna blow, it's gonna blow,
What a great show...
I don't care,
I just wanna disappear.
It's too late,
I'll forever hate...
Don't know what to think anymore,
Will soon walk out of this door.
Clenched fist,
Deep slit wrist,
Floor covered in red,
Soon to be dead,
Am losing the fight,
Can see the flashing lights.
Death Prayer
I want to bang my head against the mirror,
The door, the wall, or maybe the pillar.
Anything as long as it kills me instantly,
Good, quick relief is what I'm after.
I want to walk alone into the night,
Walk quietly out of everyone's sight.
Give me some liquor and lonely music on my way,
Just don't let me see tomorrow's light.
For God! If You won't help me fight this fight,
How do I hang on when You are not by my side.
And since my spirit can no longer be revived,
I beg You, now please take this criminal life.
I want to quit this tug-of-war,
Too tired to struggle anymore.
I'm forever bad, I'm forever wrong,
My pathetic existence, can't you see the score?
Hey...I DIDN'T write all those...my alter ego made me do it! *snigger snigger*
Can't take such morbid stuff? Then BACK TO MAIN PAGE
The room's filled with cockroaches, crawling all around.
Tearmarks cover your face, and your hair is in a mess,
I reach out my right hand, as you reach out your left,
We touch each other, but we are not saved.
The mirror between us remains, as the clock strikes nine,
I can't enter your world, neither can you enter mine.
All is silent, as we stare into nothingness
Remembering how life has been so horrible to us.
You say you long for happiness, you say you want love,
I say, "Stop torturing me, I've had enough!"
You ask if you were to jump off a building and die,
Will anyone come to your funeral, and cry?
My heart is aching...and it's bleeding all over,
I've wept till my tears ran dry, but no one will hear.
No...Don't...stop glaring at me like that,
I feel sick to the stomach, I know I'm going mad.
I'll never again want to live in the past!
Let freedom ring with a shotgun blast.
I'm lying on the floor, with a shotgun in my hand,
Blood is all around me, I'm the last one in this land.
Spikes growing from the ceiling, and growing on the floor,
Everyone is dead, there's life on Earth no more.
I've been marked for death by demons, but the angels kept me alive;
But their protection ended when the demons numbered five.
As I lie down staring at the sky and clouds above,
I realise I'm dead, and so is everyone I love.
Walking under the archways of the Palace of the Dead,
I hear voices singing, singing in my head.
They sing a song of death, one of life and one of love;
I think it's the angels, singing from above.
As I walk along the corridor I see a golden gate,
But I cannot get inside, for I have a different fate.
When I turn around, behind me stands an evil, ugly ghoul;
He laughs a wicked laugh, for he is very cruel.
Then he grabs me by the neck, and throws me down a hole,
And when I reach the bottom, a demon takes my soul...
Dawn breaks, night falls; another day is gone.
Here I am, lying here, forgotten and forlorn.
Everywhere I turn, there is endless misery.
Somebody tell me, how the hell can I break free?
Every lil' thing he said, keeps replaying in my head.
I never knew love can ever hurt so bad.
My grief breaks down into silent tears, but no one knows I'm sad;
Nobody even cares whether I'm alive, rotten, or dead.
I wonder, I really wonder, if he's also thinking of me?
But - oh! Why should he? I'm a fool, a stupid nobody.
I don't know what I'm living my meaningless life for,
If only I could feel joy or sorrow no more.
Like how a fragile sandcastle, crumbles back to the land,
My whole world's falling apart, yet I'm helpless as an ant.
Shattered dreams and disappointments, they're burying me alive.
But a wreck like me only wishes for death, and not to survive.
Oh, I used to be happy, like a bird flying in the sky;
But I fell from above, I see my life's been just a big lie.
Now I only hope my Father will come and take me away,
Let the day my heartache ends, be my Liberation Day...
Ears covered, eyes tightly shutSitting all alone in this ice-cold dungeon.
Head throbbing, wallowing in phantom blood;
Head spinning into a bloody black whirlpool.
Oh just shut up, and leave me alone
Leave me alone, and coolly watch me rot.
Stand far back, give an excuse:"I'm busy"
Dammit...as you coolly watch me rot.
I don't look at stars anymore, cos
You're not there with me.
I'm becoming another person
I'm counting the days...hahahahaha
Friends I have none, only close strangers
Turn on the radio full blast, and make me deaf.
Oh I am happy, really I am. Hahaha
Broken glass never seemed so damned attractive.
5th March 1997
You left my life as quickly as you entered it.
It's sad that we were not meant to be.
Why did you leave me hanging there?
And why am I still not letting go?
Maybe someday I'll look back on all these,
And smile at my own foolishness.
Yet till then I'll still be suffering,
Angrily...silently...stubbornly...
I dreamt of you again last night,
Can't escape this bittersweet torture.
Struggle. Denial. Masquerade. Defeat.
The light has finally gone out.
Bottled lava wanna flow,
Out of dormant volcano.
Anger, bitterness and pain,
Chunks of red hot lava rain.
It's gonna blow, it's gonna blow,
What a great show...
I don't care,
I just wanna disappear.
It's too late,
I'll forever hate...
Don't know what to think anymore,
Will soon walk out of this door.
Clenched fist,
Deep slit wrist,
Floor covered in red,
Soon to be dead,
Am losing the fight,
Can see the flashing lights.
Death Prayer
I want to bang my head against the mirror,
The door, the wall, or maybe the pillar.
Anything as long as it kills me instantly,
Good, quick relief is what I'm after.
I want to walk alone into the night,
Walk quietly out of everyone's sight.
Give me some liquor and lonely music on my way,
Just don't let me see tomorrow's light.
For God! If You won't help me fight this fight,
How do I hang on when You are not by my side.
And since my spirit can no longer be revived,
I beg You, now please take this criminal life.
I want to quit this tug-of-war,
Too tired to struggle anymore.
I'm forever bad, I'm forever wrong,
My pathetic existence, can't you see the score?
Hey...I DIDN'T write all those...my alter ego made me do it! *snigger snigger*
Can't take such morbid stuff? Then BACK TO MAIN PAGE