My Husband is Having a Cyber Affair....


Dear Lissa & Mayv,
Lately, instead of coming to bed at night, my husband has been playing on the computer until the early morning hours. I was hurt, but didn't think there was anything wrong. A few days ago I went onto his account and found letters from another woman to my husband signed "Love,". I was so shocked and hurt! I confronted him and he denied everything, saying this was only a close friend. I felt bad for accusing him, but went back on one more time just to be sure. Imagine my horror when I found more letters from this girl and letters from him to her. In them he said things he only has written to me. They had been writing and chatting about their "chemistry" all those nights I was alone in bed! And he had lied to my face about it! We've only been married a year and a half, and I want to save this marriage, but but I am deeply hurt. Not only did he have a "cyber affair", but he lied to me. What should I do? Or should I just be happy it wasn't a "real affair"?
-Betrayed Trust


Dear Betrayed Trust,
You certainly have been betrayed! Although, this is not as severe as a "real affair", there has definitely been trust broken and feelings hurt. Sometimes people feel a need to get their ego boosted and the Net provides a safe and easy avenue for this. Yet, the feelings of the other person in the relationship are as hurt as though it was a "real affair". You mentioned in your letter that he said things to her that he only said to you. We do not think this is because he harbored the same feelings for her as he does for you, but that if these lines worked once, they'll work again. We think that you need to confront him again, with the proof, and tell him how hurt you are by his actions. Make him understand you will not tolerate this kind of behavior and, to you, it hurts just as bad as if he was having a real affair. There are a few things you can do (and should do) to ensure his cooperation: 1. Change the password to his account. 2. Limit his time on the net (i.e.-in bed by 10:00 PM, etc..). 3. Join him while he is online. 4. If all else fails, consider cancelling your Internet account. This may sound drastic, but it's your marriage that is on the line. He needs to direct his romantic urges to you rather than someone on the Internet.
Good luck!
Lissa & Mayv

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