My Husband is Having a Cyber Affair....
Dear Lissa & Mayv,
Lately, instead of coming to bed at night, my husband has been
playing on the computer until the early morning hours. I was hurt,
but didn't think there was anything wrong. A few days ago I went
onto his account and found letters from another woman to my husband
signed "Love,". I was so shocked and hurt! I confronted him and
he denied everything, saying this was only a close friend. I felt
bad for accusing him, but went back on one more time just to be sure.
Imagine my horror when I found more letters from this girl and letters
from him to her. In them he said things he only has written to me.
They had been writing and chatting about their "chemistry" all those
nights I was alone in bed! And he had lied to my face about it! We've
only been married a year and a half, and I want to save this marriage, but
but I am deeply hurt. Not only did he have a "cyber affair", but he
lied to me. What should I do? Or should I just be happy it wasn't
a "real affair"?
-Betrayed Trust
Dear Betrayed Trust,
You certainly have been betrayed! Although, this is not as severe
as a "real affair", there has definitely been trust broken and feelings
hurt. Sometimes people feel a need to get their ego boosted and the Net
provides a safe and easy avenue for this. Yet, the feelings of the
other person in the relationship are as hurt as though it was a "real
affair". You mentioned in your letter that he said things to her that
he only said to you. We do not think this is because he harbored the
same feelings for her as he does for you, but that if these lines worked
once, they'll work again. We think that you need to confront him again,
with the proof, and tell him how hurt you are by his actions. Make him
understand you will not tolerate this kind of behavior and, to you, it
hurts just as bad as if he was having a real affair. There are a few
things you can do (and should do) to ensure his cooperation: 1. Change
the password to his account. 2. Limit his time on the net (i.e.-in bed
by 10:00 PM, etc..). 3. Join him while he is online. 4. If all else
fails, consider cancelling your Internet account. This may sound drastic,
but it's your marriage that is on the line. He needs to direct his romantic
urges to you rather than someone on the Internet.
Good luck!
Lissa & Mayv
Back to Romance Problems