Once Upon A Marriage - Written by Alex Johnson

Once Upon A Marriage

Hello, my name is Mark, and I'll be your preacher today. So, *rubbing his hands together* Who wants ta get married? Oh, you, fine sir? . . . . Why yes, I understand this is your wedding, sir. . . . Yes, sir. . . . Yes, I understand that's why you hired me. *turns to the side, talking to a woman who happens to be the groom's mother* Boy, what a jerk! I feel sorry for the bride. I wonder who this guy's mother is? . . . . Oh, YOU're his mom! Why, what a fine son you have, there. *turns hastily back toward the front* Alright, where's the lucky lady? *looking off yonder* *whistles* Wow, that's some chick! *elbows the groom* Where did you find HER? Wow! *motions as if kicked* I'm gettin' on with it, I swear! Anyway, *opening a book* You two are the ones, right? OK, just makin' sure. Anyway, does anyone other than myself object to the holy union between these two? . . . . Yes, I DO mean me. I think she looks great, I'm not about to let her get hitched to some other guy! . . . . Come on, you know you want me and not him. Please? OK, this is your final offer! *flexes akwardly* OK, whatever. Do you, dude, take this lady to be your chick for a long time and stuff? . . . . Ok, cool. And do you, lady, take this dude to be your official dude? . . . . Ya sure? Ok, cuz I'm not gonna let you back down on this. And that's your FINAL answer. OK, go ahead and make out. *nudges the mother* I'll bet you ten dollars they divorce after three months. Alright, you're on. *shakes an imaginary hand* *raises chin and looks out over audience* Hey, anyone else wanna get married as long as I'm up here? Written By Alex Johnson

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