33 Fun Things to do When Driving

  1. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
  2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.
  3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.
  4. Two words: Chicken suit.
  5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
  6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
  7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
  8. Stop at the green lights.
  9. Go at the red ones.
  10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
  11. Eat food that requires silverware.
  12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
  13. Sing without having the radio on.
  14. Honk frequently without motivation.
  15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.
  16. Ask people for Gray Poupon.
  17. Let pedestrians know who's boss.
  18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
  19. Restart your car at every stop light.
  20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
  21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
  22. While stopped at a light, urinate out the window/sunroof onto other cars.
  23. Paint your car with occult symbols.
  24. Keep at least five cats in the car.
  25. Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy sex.
  26. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for fire trucks.
  27. Stop and collect road kill.
  28. Stop and pray to road kill.
  29. Throw Spam.
  30. Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.
  31. When passing by an accident slow down as slow as you can go and yell out the number of your lawyer and advise the accident victims to call him/her.
  32. When passing by construction workers, yell and whistle at them (all the better if one is of the same sex as you)
  33. If you have a car phone, two more words: Prank calls.