BLUNT HOROSCOPES




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AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be
careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes
repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.


PISCES (February 19 - March 20)

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over you
friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack
confidence and are generally a yellow-bellied coward. Pisces
people screw small animals and pick their noses a lot.


ARIES (March 21 - April 19)

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You
are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. The only
time you are nice to people is when you need something, and then
you kiss a lot of ass. You are a prick.


TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)

You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you are
stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a goddamn
Communist.


GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because
you are a bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much
for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini are
notorious for thriving on incest.


CANCER (June 21 - July 22)

You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems.
They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off.
That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be
worth a shit.


LEO (July 23 - August 22)

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy.
Most Leo are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest
criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving
bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.


 VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)

You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is
sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and
often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers
or pimps.


 LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality.
If you are a male, your are probably queer. Chances for
employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are
cum-guzzling whores. All Libra die of venereal disease.


 SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall
achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are
murdered.


 SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority
of Sagittarii are drunks or pot heads. People laugh at you a lot
because you are always getting fucked.


 CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are
basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any
importance.You should kill yourself.



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