1. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor.
2. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
3. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
4. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
5. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air.
6. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
7. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor? A: She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
8. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
9. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station? A: The Air Pump!
10. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
11. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an F in sex.
12. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
13. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!? A2: I don't know. R: Neither did she.
14. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed.
15. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
16. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
17. How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.
18. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
19. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.
20. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
21. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "Who ripped off my car phone!?"
22. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends: Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row! Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred. Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good. Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.
23. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes. Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course. Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes. Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine. Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
24. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins? He wanted to know who the other man was...
25. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. Another ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
26. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"
27. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
28. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
29. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
30. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!" Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."
31. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test." "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!" "That's interesting... What made you say that?" asked Saint Peter. Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."
32. Did you hear about the blonde that went to a library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
33. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
34. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender: Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." Bartender:"What is a B and C?". Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke." Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." Bartender: "What's a G and T?" Redhead: "Gin and tonic." Blonde: "I'll have a 15." Bartender: "What's a 15?" Blonde: "7 and 7."
35. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.
36. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde replied "I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."
37. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
38. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? A: An air bag.
39. Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men. A: Their heels.
40. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route.
41. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
42. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
43. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde? A: Thirty minutes of begging.
44. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
45. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A1: You need a quarter to use the phone. A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
46. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman, "In what position was the baby concieved?" "He was on top", she replied. "You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed. The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top", was the reply. "You will have a baby girl!" said the doctor. With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears. "Whats the matter?" asked the doc. "Am I going to have puppies?"
47. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
48. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
49. Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde.
50. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
51. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her.
52. Q: How does a blonde measure her IQ? A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
53. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
54. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A: A know-it-all bitch.
55. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? A: One's a phony buck.
56. Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
57. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A: One that never misses a period.
58. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is? A: An Italian suppository.
59. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
60. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
61. Did you hear about the blonde who: 1: Had more on her body than on her mind? 2: Was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean? 3: Took an hour to cook Minute Rice? 4: Got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? 5: Was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient? 6: Had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs? 7: Thought night rates was cheaper than day rates? 8: Was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat? 9: After watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls? 10: Went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker? 11: Brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
62. Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses? A: She was having sunny periods.
63. Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant? A: Her feet!
64. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose? A: When she farts, her knees bag.
65. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist? A: Marriage. (Not really...)
66. Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan? A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
67. Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde? A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
68. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way.
69. Q: How do you paralyze a blonde from the neck down? A: Marry her.
70. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her.
71. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries.
72. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? A: She has a checkbook.
73. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it.