UN Summit To Approve 30 Hour Days
"There's Just Not Enough Time In The Day To Juggle Shopping, Romance and Peace-Keeping" says Annan
FRIDAY, 17TH NOVEMBER - A United Nations summit held at the international organisation's headquarters in busy New York City has voted to extend the length of a day from the standard number of hours (24) to a new, exciting 30 hours.
The change to what has been the accepted time-keeping measurement since time-keeping began is being attributed to the old cliche of 'not enough hours in the day' by weary United Nations members. UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan last night addressed a press gathering detailing why it was felt by the organisation that 'the day' needed an extra six hours.
"It's all just become too much," said Annan, looking proud as he detailed the approved solution. "A typical day for the busy individual can consist of looking after kids, working, eating, toilet breaks, closing deals, negotiating peace in the Balkans or the Middle East, deploying peace contingents to troubled Rwanda or Sierra Leone - there's only so much you can do in a day."
"With this extra six hours, it is hoped that an average day will allow much more time for work, for sleep and for socialising," Annan added.
In the course of unveiling the new system, Annan explained that the solution had originally come from a number of different causes.
"We've seen problems with deadlines in the US Election recounts and in the war-torn Middle East, and every day people encounter a lack of time to get their work done, to watch the best of late-night 'infomercials' and to go 'a-lookin' for love' - hopefully in 'all the right places'," quipped Annan.
"Plus, with the busy festive system coming up, more hours will be available to 'avoid the rush' when purchasing that special gift," he added.
The scene turned ugly, however, when a confused journalist from the Washington Post repeatedly pinned Annan down about the logistics and intricacies of the new system.
"With all due respect, sir, you and your cronies are a bunch of asses," blasted reporter Duncan Thomas. "There are 24 hours in the day for good reason - it has been divined over centuries as being the best number of hours in a day. Night follows day follows night, and it all seems to be best suited to a twenty-four hour clock."
Annan responded by chiding the "arrogant" Mr Thomas, asking the reporter what right he had to be so condescending, in telling others that the 24 hour system was the only option.
"With so few hours in the day, it seemed to be increasingly impossible in this 'get it done yesterday' world to cope," Annan said.
"C'mon, give it a chance, it'll work," he pleafully added.
Another reporter, Ali DeFrancas from the conceptual underground magazine 'United State of Utopia', had a more involved question.
"Why do we need clocks at all, my learned friend? Isn't this view - one that ascribes to a system of habitualisation and ritualised living counter-productive to quality of life, health and grasping of life? If live is so ordered as to function 'by the clock', doesn't it all slip by just as quickly as the ticking 'hands of fate' that make up the clock? One minute you're enjoying your life, and before you know it you are a withered and useless, bitter husk, reflecting on what was a life devoid of fulfilment. Do we really want to be adding more hours to the day, Mr Annan, or do we instead want to revert to a liberated, simplistic system without clocks or money, but instead with goat-bartering?" asked the reporter, sporting a beret and no clothes.
Annan shrugged his shoulders, and shortly thereafter left the stage.
The new system is to take effect from December 1st, in time for the Christmas festive season - and much longer days of test match cricket.
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