HIH Insurance – Details of a plot by Iran Contra accused Oliver North to revive the fortunes of the failed insurance giant using Middle Eastern militant oil dollars. AFR P 43
Merrill Lynch - Report on the company's successful foray into hemp pants manufacture. AFR P 43
FAI – Details of revelations that the failed arm of HIH Insurance has also been in contact with Oliver North regarding re-funding, along with the late Iranian religious dictator, Ayatollah Khomeni (via Oujia Board) AFR P 43
Commonwealth Securities – Interim Profit Result – Posted a net profit of $13.81 million, down $822,569 or 5.6 per cent in the 12 months to the end of June. Also reported that this year's Annual General Meeting will be discarded in favour of an all-night, ecstacy-laden rave party. AFR P 44
Guinness Peat Group – Australian Growth Properties – Guinness Peat Group and Mr Greg Paramor held a joint press conference to discuss Mr Paramor's new haricut: a conservative, layered bóuffant. AFR P 48
Mantle Group – Report on the Queensland company’s plans to consume record levels of XXXX beer this financial year. AFR 48
Winten Property Group – Details of Winten's rejection of claims that it has been working on behalf of the vendor to lease advertising space on Britney Spears' breasts. AFR P 49
Building Industry – Private certification – The major political parties call for an Upper House inquiry into alleged asses hanging out of blue work shorts. AFR P 49