ELECTION
US's 'Florida Situation' Still Unresolved
Bored Conspiracy Theorists Start To Talk About The Band-Aid On Bush Jr.'s Face
"That boil story is utter bullshit," said known conspiracy theorist Jerome Spirer, from his home study. "Me and the guys in alt.fan.conspiracy don't buy it for a second. This is just the kind of cover-up that you'd expect from a big-name political party."
When asked what he believed the facial bandage - which first and unexpectedly appeared at a fireside press conference in the Texas Governor's Mansion last Thursday - actually covered, Spirer revealed that he had it on good authority that the bandage had 'CIA links', and may or may not have something to do with Bush's apparent low intelligence.
"Well, he's not exactly the smartest guy now, is he? We believe that the bandage covers a transmitter device with which Republican advisors tell him what to say, what to wear, how to speak...even his name, on some occassions.
"His Dad [Former US President George Bush Snr.] was the head of the CIA in the 1970's, so it's quite possible that this whole thing is a massive covert operation designed to remind the guy of what to say, at such a stressful time," said Spirer, as he posted a message about Martian donations to the Democratic campaign to the alt.fan.conspiracy newsgroup.
"All I know is that it's anything but a boil, that's for sure. Something funny is going on here," he added.
Meanwhile, Roberta Greirson, author of 'My Mind's On Dealey Plaza: The JFK Assassination', was similarly sceptical about the boil excuse, labelling it "all-too convenient".
"I'm convinced the bandage is covering some kind of light graze to the skin - innocuous enough, you might think, until you find that the graze actually came from - wait for it - a bullet fired from the gun of a sniper on the Democratic Party's payroll!" said the famed conspiracy theory author.
"A few pay-offs later, and the whole incident has been hushed up...But that bandage is tangible proof that an attempt was made on Governor Bush's life following the close election result."
"People are just so naive. A boil...Hah!" added Ms. Greirson.
While it's not clear what the real story is - boil caused by stress, secret transmitter implant receiving messages or bullet-wound, or possibly something else altogether - it is obviously a story causing much conjecture in the 'facts rule' world of internet discussion, and - as Mr Spirer's reaction to the 'bullet theory' indicates - a lack of agreement.
"She said what? 'Bullet wound'? Oh Christ...she should just go back to alt.fan.conspiracy.jfk with the rest of those weirdos and leave us to disseminate the facts."
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