FBI'S MOST WANTED - SPECIAL ANTI-TERRORIST LIST

#34: Richard Marx

Known Aliases:
  1. 'Mr Hack'
  2. 'Talentless RM'
  3. 'Daas Krapital'
  4. 'Hazzard'
  5. 'Richie-Boy'

--CITED AS DANGEROUS by the Federal Bureau of Investigations for his acts of melodic, catchy, yet ultimately evilly bland musical terrorism. Marx - like his namesake Karl Marx, German philosopher and founder of communist theory - is a danger to our very democratic ideological foundations in the wake of current instability.

His effusive brand of saccharine and at times faux-melancholy songwriting is to be reported to authorities immediately after encountered.

Fears are held that, whilst Marx has been largely silent for several years now, his very dormant nature means that another vile attack is near. What his latest blistering assault on our ears and the pop charts entails is unknown. Marx works alone, not part of any musical terrorist cell (that is, he is in no way affiliated with the notorious 'La-Celine-Diona' network) and, as such, is harder to track.

The FBI urges America and her allies to be wary of this threat.