NAME:
CRIMINAL ALIAS(ES):
ANAGRAM OF YOUR NAME:
AGE:
WHERE DO YOU LIVE?:
DO YOU FEEL LIKE AN ASS WITH NO REGARD TO THEIR PERSONAL SAFETY IN ANSWERING THAT LAST QUESTION?:
FAVOURITE MOVIE?:
FAVOURITE MOVIE FEATURING A REFERENCE TO NOBEL PRIZE-WINNING BIOCHEMIST ARTHUR KORNBERG?:
LIVING ARRANGEMENT:
IN WHAT WAYS DOES YOUR LIVING ARRANGEMENT RESEMBLE A CHEESY 80's SITUATION COMEDY? BE CREATIVE:
FAVOURITE TV SHOW?:
DO YOU HAVE A JOB?:
IF 'NO' TO PREVIOUS QUESTION, DO YOU CONSTANTLY LIVE WITH THE SHAME AND DEPRESSION OF NOT BEING A BREADWINNER AS YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN CRY FOR FOOD AND SHELTER?:
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?:
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?:
DOES THIS FEELING DULL AT ALL WITH ABUSE OF ALCOHOL OR OTHER STIMULANTS?:
WOULD THIS FEELING HAVE ANYTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH SEPRESSED SEXUAL URGES DIRECTED TOWARD YOUR PRIMARY SCHOOL CARETAKER? THE WAY HE HANDLED THAT BROOM? THE WAY HE SHOOED STRANGE DOGS OUT OF THE PLAYGROUND? THE WAY HOW, WHEN HE CUT DOWN A STRAY TREE BRANCH, HIS PECTORAL MUSCLES ALWAYS FLEXED IN UNISON WITH HIS LENGTHY NASAL HAIR? NO?:
FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK?:
FAVOURITE MUSIC?:
FAVOURITE SONG WITH WHICH TO TORTURE ENEMY CAPTIVES INTO REVEALING THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE MICRO-FILM AND THE BLUEPRINTS FOR THE 'DESTRUCTO-RAY'? (e.g. "Stayin' Alive", "Safety Dance", "The Animal Song" etc.):
ARE YOU A VIRGIN? NO, MASTURBATION DOESN'T COUNT:
DO YOU FEEL THAT LAST QUESTION WAS ENTIRELY RELEVANT?:
IF YOUR ANSWER WAS 'NO', DO YOU NOW FEEL BELITTLED IN FRONT OF YOUR PEERS?:
HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND ABOUT YOUR ANSWER NOW, AND DECIDED TO BACK AND TYPE "HELL YEAH! LOST IT WHEN I WAS 12!...PHHT, 'AM I A VIRGIN'? HA!" OR SOMETHING SIMILAR?:
HAVE YOU EVER MADE A FRAUDULENT DONATION TO A REPUTABLE CHARITY, AND IF SO, DID YOU ENJOY IT?
ROLLERCOASTERS - SCARY OR EXCITING?:
WHAT AGE DID YOU STOP NEEDING TO TRAVEL ON ONE WITH YOUR PARENT THERE TO HOLD YOUR HAND? (FOR ME IT WAS 18):
FUTURE SON'S NAME?:
FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME?:
FUTURE SLEAZY STEPFATHER'S NAME?:
FAVOURITE PERIODIC TABLE ELEMENT (CAN'T BE RHENIUM, SILICON OR GERMANIUM):
FAVOURITE PLACE TO RELIEVE YOURSELF (PLEASE SAY 'TOILET', OR YOUR COMPUTER MAY EXPLODE):
FAVOURITE PERSONAL ENVISIONMENT OF GENETIC ENGINEERING BEING MISUSED IN THE FUTURE (eg. Breeding Plant-men...half plant, half man):
STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
MOST TIMES YOU'VE BEEN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING IN ONE QUARTER-YEAR?:
i) WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?:
ii) WHY DO YOU NOT REALLY CARE ABOUT ZODIAC SIGNS?:
NUMBER OF TIMES YOU'VE DAYDREAMED ABOUT MOUNTING A BLOODY REVOLUTION TO OVERTHROW YOUR TYRANNICAL GOVERNMENT? (Please - This year only):
DO YOU EVER EAT ANYTHING THAT "WASN'T THAT COLOUR SIX WEEKS AGO..."?:
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:
WHY ARE THESE DREAMS OF CAREER FULFILMENT AS HOPELESSLY UNREACHABLE FOR THOSE AS LOWLY AS YOU AND I?:
WHICH OF YOUR CLOSE PERSONAL FRIENDS DO YOU EVER DREAM ABOUT KILLING, AS YOU WAKE UP SMILING AND COVERED IN A FILM OF SWEAT AT THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING?:
IS THIS FRIEND *REALLY* WORTH YOUR TIME?:
AT WHICH PERIOD IN YOUR LIFE HAVE YOU FELT 'MOST GAY'?:
WHAT'S ONE NUMBER LESS THAN THE ONE I'M THINKING OF.......*NOW*?!:
TYPE 'YES' HERE IF YOU RESPONDED IMMEDIATELY TO THE LAST QUESTION WITH '68':
WHICH OF YOUR TEETH IS YOUR 'FAVOURITE TOOTH'?:
UM, WHY?:
FAVOURITE COLOUR?:
DREAM CAR?:
FAVOURITE MEMORY....THAT IS NOT THE ONE DISTORTED SO MUCH THAT YOU BELIEVE YOU SINGLE-HANDEDLY WON THE SECOND WORLD WAR FOR THE ALLIES WHILST JUGGLING A KODIAK BEAR?:
SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS TO YOU:
NOW COUNTER THAT NICE THING WITH ONE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THEIR'S THAT YOU FIND REPULSIVE OR WORSE:
OTHER?:
TO FINISH THIS E-MAIL....IN 25 WORDS OR LESS, DISCUSS WHETHER YOU BELIEVE 'GENDER' AS A CONCEPT IS DEFINED BY SOCIETY AND TRADITION OR BY IN-BORN PHYSICALITY. IN YOUR ANSWER SOURCE THE WORKS OF MICHEL FOUCAULT AND ONE OTHER CULTURAL THEORIST.
This e-mail authored by Nick Marland ©Copyright 2000
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