| |
1. What are the
names of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? a. War, Famine, Pestilence
and Death
b. John, Paul, George and Ringo
c. Plague, Strife, Starvation, and Aresenio
d. Manny, Joe, Jack and Death
|
2. How many
rabbis sit in Zurich and control the world's banking
activities? a. Thirteen
b. Four, with seven during peak-hours and a half- day on
Saturdays for your convenience.
c. Only 12; the 13th one has to stand because of this
pain in his back, which is killing him, oy!
d. Yeah, sure, like they'd let anyone know!
|
3. What is meant
by the term, RAPTURE? a. The ascension of all true
Christians before the beginning of the strife and
tribulation caused by the antichrist
b. The feeling you get when you turn off the 700 Club
c. A new fragrance from Calvin Klein
d. A medical condition that requires a truss
|
4. If you are
driving on the highway when the Rapture occurs, and other
drivers are pulled bodily out of their cars to heaven,
what's the best course of action? a. Pull over to the side of
the road until the driver-less traffic stops
b. Look for a nicer make of car than yours, drive
alongside and climb in
c. Speed like hell because the highway patrol will be too
busy to stop you
d. Repent your sins and head for the nearest Stuckey's
|
5. The great
mystic, Nostradamus, predicted that the world would end
via a.
a "King of Terror" appearing in the sky
b. "Ghost Riders" appearing in the sky
c. botulism
d. a lack of interest
|
6. Many prominent
astronomers now admit that the earth will be devastated
by a gigantic asteroid, and that this will happen a. soon
b. very soon
c. extremely soon
d. today
e. yesterday
|
7. Which of the
following should be considered absolutely essential for
your bomb-shelter provisions? a. water purification pills
b. canned vegetables
c. first-aid kit
d. Yahtzee
|
8. One of the
basic tenets of the imminent earth changes is the POLE
SHIFT, which is a. a radical displacement of
the earth's geographic poles from their present position
b. the 8-4 workers in a Chicago sausage factory
c. a demographic change in Hamtramck
d. something baseball players often do in the batter's
box
|
9. Quarz crystals
are a good source of spiritual energy because a. their perfectly geometric
cellular structure allows them to receive and store
psychic vibrations
b. they make nicer jewelry than D-cell batteries
c. they're safer than sticking a fork in your toaser
d. they're just so shiny and stuff
|
10. Who is the
whore of Babylon mentioned in the Book of Revelation? a. The pope
b. the antipope
c. Sinead O'Connor
d. a certain favorite "advisor" to Saddam
Hussein and his buddies
|
11. Christian
fundamentalists believe the bible is the literal,
unerring word of God because a. it says so, right there in
the Bible
b. their parents said so
c. they would be so heartbroken if no one ever found Noah's
Ark
d. it's easier than thinking
|
12. The number of
the Beast of the Apocalypse is a. 666
b. 999
c. Pennsylvania 6-5000
d. unlisted
|
13. The first
insight in James Redfield's THE CELESTINE PROPHECY is a. A spiritual awakening is
occuring in human culter, brought about by a critical
mass of individuals who experience their lives as a
spiritual unfolding, a journey into which they are led
forward by mysterious circumstances
b. Same as above, plus an emphasis on the health benefits
of cooking with hot peppers
c. Hair spray can help remove ink stains on fabric before
washing
d. Hey, this New Age publishing racket isn't so tough
after all!
|
14. Are the
people of the earth reaching a shared consciousness,
wherein our converging psychic energy will eliminate
strife and lead us into a new golden age? a. Yes
b. Yes, absolutely
c. Can't argue with that!
d. Wow, you know, I can feel it too!
|
15. Eleventh-century
monk St. Malachy recorded a prophecy of the history of
the popes by writing a series of a. cryptic mottos for each
b. dirty limericks for each
c. funny rebuses for each
d. bubble-gum cards for each
|
16. America's
most famous prophet, Edgar Cayce, was known for making
his psychic predictions in a. his sleep
b. his wife's lingerie
c. a high-pitched, sort of Chinese accent
d. total disregard for the lack of accuracy among his
previous prophecies
|
17. Nostradamus
currently predicted all of the following EXCEPT: a. Napoleon's defeat at
Waterloo
b. Hitler's invasion of France
c. the assassination of John F. Kennedy
d. the verdict in the O.J. Simpson trial
|
18. The ancient
calendar of the Mayans is important for us today because a. It runs out in the year
2012
b. a new pocket edition is being prepared by Hallmark
c. it adds an important element of multiculturalism to
telling time
d. it sure didn't do them a lot of good
|
19. The HARMONIC
CONVERGENCE is a. the physical alignment of
a number of planets with the sun, causing profound
gravitational reactions, energy releases, and earth
changes
b. an advanced position described in KAMA SUTRA
c. a particularly difficult method of playing the
harmonica
d. a fancy name for a barbershop quartet convention
|
20. It is
speculated that the continent of Atlantis was destroyed
and sank in the ocean due to a. its abuse of crystal
energy and disruption of the balance of nature
b. the aloofness of its cultural elite
c. shad-smoking among its teenagers
d. gangsta rap
|
21. Which of the
following characters does not appear in the book of
Revelation? a. the Beast
b. the False Prophet
c. the Dragon
d. the Rifleman
|
22. As sightings
of UFOs have increased in recent years, it has been
speculated that aliens have been visiting us to a. help us usher in a new era
of global consciousness
b. discuss possible new sites for Wal-Mart
c. protest their unfair depiction in MARS ATTACKS!
d. tape must see TV
|
23. Within the
passageways of the Great Pyramid of Cheops, researchers
have discovered a. a physical chronology of
the major events in world history
b. the Pharaoh's secret stash of adult heiroglyphics
c. blood planted by the Los Angeles Police Department
d. a new Starbucks
|
