My First Rose

The sunlight shone with suspended dust particles as it illuminated my skin. I watched in awe, as a leaf cascaded from a branch and executed, gracefully, a lovemaking dance with it before it finally kissed the supple cheeks of the earth. A hidden chirp was chirping a song from among the arms of a nearby tree.

Unlike Josh, I need not understand it to appreciate it. I stood up and brushed short blades of grass off my jeans. Stuffing my cold hands in my jeans pocket, I took steps, moving to the motion of leaving. "Kathy", I heard him whisper. I knew he was there. I saw him come in the iron gates. But I never expected him to call me as if he wanted to have anything to do with me again.

We spent quiet mornings together, shared warm laughter. Built sandcastles. Embraced our dreams. That was way back. When he was still my best friend. It was my fault, I guess. Eventually, what started out as friendship turned into something deeper for me. I felt more for Josh, and because of such, I wanted more from him. I clung onto him as if he was a long-lost teddy bear. Josh is a man like no other.

He sensed what was going on inside of me... One morning, I woke up to find him turning his back, perhaps not on our friendship, but to that thing I wanted to become of us. As we went on about our own ways, I watched him go on wonderfully without me, and with that, I watched myself as my life fell apart without him. He never noticed me. Not since then. And I am so taken aback now that he's here. His eyes were sad as he walked towards me, but I could breathe in overwhelming calmness from it. He took a few more heartbeats before he stopped just a breath from me, as if measuring his steps unsurely. He looked at me the way I always wanted him to, for the very first time in my life. His eyes were casting heavy glances on my every fiber, saying things I've always imagined him say in my dreams.

I smiled. Silently thanking him for coming. Meekly stretching out an arm, holding open for him to touch. But I hesitated, and stuffed my hands back in my jeans pocket. Foolish me. He smiled back, such sweet smile was the only hint of color on his face. He breathed in so heavenly, seeming to catch my scent with his sense to keep it within him to remember. Closing his eyes, a furrow finding its path on his brows, he pulled out, from behind him, a single white rose. For me? Are you sure? I wanted to ask him. All my days and nights I stared at him like he was a lost star. Every single heartbeat, I spent nurturing my seemingly pointless endearment of him. My diary is still stained with every tear I've shed for this man. Now he's here. Holding out a single white rose. For me? For me.

A tear warmed my face as the cold wind lapped on my skin. Lifting the flower to his lips, he gave a soul with his kiss. "I wish you all the sweet things you deserve", he said gently, almost whispering, lowering the flower on the softness of the grass. As he knelt on the ground above me, he never noticed me. Not till then. And I am so taken aback, that among the stones within this quiet green, he walked over and recognized me, after so long. And he came over to give me something I never had when I was living. As I felt myself ascend to the sky, the wind is cradling me in its soft arms, I watched Josh from above. I saw the tears escape his eyes before he even caught his face with his hands. I saw him break down, the way I did the day he left me. Now I'm leaving him, and I guess he finally learned how it hurts to lose one's best friend. I saw his shoulders heave with mourning as he traced a finger on my flower. The flower carries with me through this unfamiliar journey. I lived my life loving Josh. I lived my life unloved. But it's like being reborn. When he came forth today. It's sad it had to take my death for Josh to come back. It's sad it had to take my death for him to give me a single white rose. My first Rose....