I would find my ex-boyfriend and go to bed with him and tell him to roll over and try something new.

I would walk around and prod him all night long with it, whatever he is doing I'll be there prodding him with it.

I would write my name in the snow.

I would go into my boss' office and lay it on his desk and say, "Where is my raise?"

I would want a big one and show it off to everyone.

I could grab myself in public and not be embarrassed.

I would not lift the lid on the toilet seat while peeing.

I would measure it both ways.

Pee off a tall building.

I would get whacked to see if it really hurts.

I would speed to the hospital and have it surgically removed.

I would see what a woman felt like on the other end.

I would love it, and squeeze it, and play with it all day.

Demonstrate to my husband and my two sons that it is possible to hit the water and not pee all over everything.

Pin my husband down and slap him in the face with it.

I would play with him and then make him roll over into the wet spot.

Go to an adult store and try out all kinds of stimulants and try them out to see what was the best.

Stand up and jump up and down and watch it swing all around.

See how many donuts I could carry with it.

Check out my boyfriend's gag reflexes.