1.  SportsCenter starts at 10:00 pm and runs an hour.  This is a great
    time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister.

2.  Even if its a common cold or a sprained ankle, no one, ever, has
    been in worse shape.

3.  Let us know how brave we are for dealing with that common cold or
    sprained ankle.

4.  Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute
    going out to dinner.

5.  Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our
    friends.  Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew or
    the local Patagonia store.


6.  Overall, we can cook better than you, so if you make dinner, it
    better be good.

7.  If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?



8.  Hangovers are never our fault, and we deserve sympathy.

9.  Led Zeppelin and the Grateful Dead are good make-out bands.  Tori
    Amos, Alanis Morrisette and Liz Phair are not.


10.  The fact that your best friend just broke up with her boyfriend of
     two years does not make the rest of us miserable pigs.


11.  Even if we are miserable pigs, you'll have a tough time showing
     causality.

12.  The Three Stooges are funny.

13.  Butthead is the smart one.


14.  Nobody actually reads Playboy, but you should humor us anyway.

15.  Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?

16.  Briefs are a no-no, no matter what.

17.  Hair jokes are not funny.

18.  The genetic coding required to ask for directions is not 
     contained in the Y chromosome.  Therefore, you need not bother 
     suggesting that we stop.

19.  Love our mothers.

20.  Love our sisters.

21.  Really, really love our dogs.

22.  Cats are not, in fact, approved pets for men.

23.  We rank fish above cats.

24.  You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.

25.  Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us"
     and "the relationship."

26.  Things you can help with:  the Sunday crossword, yard work, the
     dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.

27.  Things you should let us do alone:  figuring out where we are,
     watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars and picking
     out the beer.

28.  A new suit costs $400 and we want it to look nice.  We do care
     what you think.

29.  A new tie costs less than $30.  If we just spent $400 on a new
     suit, we sure as hell don't want some flashy tie that focuses
     attention away from the damn thing.  Let us pick out our own ties.

30.  Socks never constitute a gift.

31.  Department stores and malls were designed so that when you want to
     look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always some
     speakers, tires or sporting equipment nearby.

32.  We don't know anything about handbags.  Don't even ask.

33.  We did water the plants.  They died anyway.  Nobody knows why
     this happens.

34.  You could pay for dinner every now and then.

35.  Even if you think he's cute, Kevin Costner can't act.

36.  Of course, neither can Elle McPherson, but she had the good sense
     to do "Sirens" rather than "Waterworld."

37.  Curley is the bald one.

38.  White wine is not necessarily better than a cold Geary's or a Fat
     Tire Amber.

39.  Compromise does not mean that we abandon our position in favor of
     yours.

40.  Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan.  Just
     accept that.

41.  Its in neither your interest nor ours to take the Quiz together.

42.  Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn, Cal
     Ripken, David Robinson, Michael Jordan, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, 
     don't expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary
     Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to.

43.  Golf is a sport, and watching it on TV is a legitimate way to
     spend a weekend afternoon.

44.  Sex on a weeknight is generally welcome.  Three hours of
     post-coital conversation are not.

45.  Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present.  Two tickets to a
     ball game are even better.

46.  No, you can't have the remote control.

47.  We do love you.  We don't love many people, and we don't like to
     say it very often.  Too much of anything can diminish its value.

48.  We can get the Sunday paper and read it, or we can cuddle, drink
     coffee and chat.  We cannot do both, so make up your mind, in advance.

49.  Wear our clothes out in public, in front of our friends and in
     front of yours.  Just because we love you and want to show you off
     doesn't reduce your individuality.

50.  If you must take us with you into Victoria's Secret, never, ever
     leave us alone.  All the old fat ladies make mean faces at us and only
     add to our discomfort. 

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page