After being revived with blankets and coffee, she muttered, "I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those other two girls were using their arms."

What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!	How do blonde braincells die? Alone.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.	When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? After a dye job.

A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer."
The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?"
To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? Because they can't even keep two calves together!	What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? Nothing. They've never met.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!	What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? She'd washed her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.	What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.	What did the blonde think of the new computer? She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? (rocking the head from side to side) I dunno!	How do blondes pierce their ears? They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in their shoulder pads.	Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

There's a blonde woman who feared her husband was having an affair.
Sure enough, she came home one day to find her husband with another
woman. She grabs a gun, points it towards her own head. Her husband
rushes out of bed screaming at her, "Don't! Please don't!"

She says "Shut up! You're next!"

Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? They have to have some place to rest their ankles.	Why do blondes where big hoop earrings? To put their feet through.
Why don't blondes eat pickles? Because they can't get their head in the jar.	Why do blondes wear green lipstick? Because red means stop.

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.

B: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

P: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

B: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.

P: "Uh... How's that working?"

B. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

P. "And why do you think that is?"

B. "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

What is the mating call of the blonde? "Ohh, I'm soooo drunk!"	What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
What's a brunette's mating call? Has that blonde gone yet?	How did the blonde die ice fishing? She was run over by the zambonis machine.

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.

The first thing he noticed, besides the nice purple sports car, was how gorgeous the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

The officer radioed the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. Soon the dispatcher came back.

"Is this woman driving a purple sports car?"

"Yes," replied the officer.

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher.

"Uh... yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back,and drop your pants..."

"WHAT!!? I can't do that. That's crazy!" exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.

So the cop returned to the blonde, gave back the license and registration, and dropped his pants as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looked down and sighed, "Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer!" kA

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter.	Why don't blondes eat Jello? They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone.	What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? An IN-body experience!
Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it.	Why do blondes have more fun? They are easier to keep amused.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block.	How do you change a blonde's mind? Blow in her ear.

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one about three feet from the cup, while the other somehow had gone directly in.

They tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling.

After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions he asked, "OK, so who was playing the yellow ball?"

How do you change a blonde's mind? Buy her another beer.	What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? "Have another beer."
Why is a blonde like a door knob? Because everybody gets a turn.	What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.	How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section.

The stewardess tells her she must move to economy (coach) because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Australia".

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave to which she replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Australia". The stewardesses doesn't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated ready to take off, so they get the co-pilot.

The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the economy section.

The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to her to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the plane wasn't going to Australia".

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"	How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? "What's a lightbulb?"
Why are there no dumb brunettes? Peroxide.	What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A dope ring.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.	Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the
street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?

The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? Her blinker was on.	Why do blondes work seven days a week? So you don't have to retrain them on Mondays.
What do you call a bunch of blondes in a Volkswagen? Farfromthinkin	Why couldn't the blonde make Koolaid? She couldn't fit two quarts of water into the little packet.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Is it mine?	How do blonde brain cells die? Alone.

Two blondes walk into a dry cleaners on a rainy day and ask the clerk for a hanger.
"I locked my keys in the car, and I need the hanger to unlock the door," the first blonde explains.
"Please hurry," whines the second blonde. "We left the top down and everything is getting ruined!"

How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear.	Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? To cover up the valve stem.
Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.	What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Did you hear about the 2 Blondes who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter".	Why will a blonde laugh at a joke three times? Once when you tell it, once when you tell her the punchline, and once when she gets it.

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an AM radio? It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.	Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum? She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences.
What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in an large empty area?	A vacant lot.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office? She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!	Why does Captain Kirk prefer blondes? Space...the final frontier...

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"