My Karma Ran Over My Dogma.	Your kid used to beat up my honor roll student. Now, your kid is doing tune-ups on my kids' Porsche.	Bad Spellers of the World Untie!
Honk if you haven't seen an AK-47 fired out of a car window.	This isn't hell, but I can see it from here.	Your kid is an honor student, but you're still an idiot!
Be aloof - Your country has enough lerts.	Jesus is Coming...Look Busy.	My Other Car is a Piece of Crap, Too!
I may be slow but I am still ahead of you.	(on a Suzuki Samurai put on upside down): If you can read this, please turn me back over.	American Tourism 500th Anniversary: 1492-1992
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.	Warning: Nothing in this truck is worth your life.	I am a mind reader... you should be ashamed of yourself!
VOTE KEVORKEAN for White House Physician	Driver carries only $20 in ammunition	I brake for no apparent reason
I brake for hallucinations!	Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!	It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!	Forget about World Peace... Visualize using your turn signal!	Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.	We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.	Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest	Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.	Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.	Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.	Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.	i souport publik edekasion	We Are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.	3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't.	Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?	Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.	2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
I like you, but wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.	Men are all idiots, and I married their king	Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun
Horn broken. Watch for finger.	All generalizations are false.	Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
Learn from your parent's mistakes... Use birth control.	We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?	Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.	I love cats... They taste just like chicken.	Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.	I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.	Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
No Radio - already stolen.	I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.	Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Tell me to "stuff-it"... I'm a taxidermist.	According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.	Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.	Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.	Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy... other times I let her sleep	As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.	Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Towers will be violated.	I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like his passengers.	Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.	I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.	Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus.
Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!	It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.	When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case Heaven is like the IRS.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.	Friends don't let friends drive naked.	Wink ... I'll do the rest!
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.	When there's a will, I want to be in it!	Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?	Plant A Tree... Kill A Kennedy.	Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.	Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.	God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.	I brake for no reason	I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.	If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.	If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.	Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.	Just keep honking while I reload.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.	My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that.	Stop repeat offenders. Don't reelect them!
Support Cannibalism-EAT ME!	Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!	Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?	Who lit the fuse on your tampon?	Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
Whitewather is over till the First Lady sings.	Your kid used to beat up my honor roll student. Now, your kid is doing tune-ups on my kids' Porsche.