MEN BASHING



  • Men are like department stores:
  • Their clothes should always be half off

  • Men are like vacations:
  • They never seem to be long enough

  • Men are like computers:
  • Hard to figure out and NEVER have enough memory

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  • Men are like coolers:
  • Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere

  • Men are like chocolate bars:
  • Sweet, Smooth, and they usually head right for your hips

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  • Men are like coffee:
  • The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long

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  • Men are like horoscopes:
  • They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong

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  • Men are like plungers:
  • They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom

  • Men are like cement:
  • After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard

  • Men are like laxatives:
  • They irritate the shit out of you

  • Men are like parking spots:
  • The good ones are already taken and the others are handicapped

  • Men are like a snowstorms:
  • You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last

  • What should you give a man who has everything?
  • - A women to show him how to work it

  • How does a man show he's planning for the future?
  • - He buys two cases of beer instead of one

  • What makes men chase women, they have no intention of marrying?
  • - The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

  • Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
  • - They're hard to get started, emit foul odors and don't work half the time

  • What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
  • - After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

  • Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
  • - Breasts don't have eyes

  • What's the difference between men and government bonds?
  • - Bonds mature

  • How do you save a man from drowning?
  • - Take your foot off his head

  • How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
  • - We don't know, it's never happened

  • Why are men like tile floors?
  • - If you lay 'em properly the first time, you can walk all over 'em for years

  • What do you call a man with half a brain?
  • - Gifted

  • Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
  • - Because those men already have boyfriends...

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