Ashley lowered the knife to her throat. Her life was a complete disaster. Her parents were splitting and ignoring her, her friends were excluding her and her boyfriend had just died in a plane crash over Lake Erie.
"There's nothing for me to live for! I have no parents, friends, or boyfriend. My life's a mess!" She said between sobs. The knife was inches away from her throat when the telephone rang.
At first, she ignored it, but after the tenth ring, she finally picked it up.
"Hello?" Ashley sobbed.
"Ashley? Are you okay?" A familiar voice asked worriedly. "Sheldon? Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Why'd you call?"
"Just wanted to talk. But I know you're not fine. I can tell that you're upset I'm coming over!"
"No, really. You don't have to I'm fine. Don't waste your time on me."
"I was coming anyway but now that you're upset I'm coming now."
After another ten minutes of talking, they hung up and Ashley waited for Sheldon's arrival.
"Sheldon's always been there for me ever since we were little kids," she thought happily.
Sheldon threw open the door without knocking wearing his usual attire: jeans and a dirty tee shirt. Ashley sat quietly on the couch, the knife arms length away. He walked softly over to the couch and picked up the knife. Seeing Ashley's tear-stained face, he knew what almost happened.
"Why Ashley?" was all he could say. "Your life can't be as bad as you think. I can't believe you would throw it all away like that."
"It is that bad! My parents are always fighting and they never spend time with Lindsey or I. My friends are all deserting me and my boyfriend was just killed in a plane crash!" Ashley screamed not being able to hide her feelings. Tears steamed down her face, her eyes were red and puffy. Sheldon walked over and wrapped his arms around her.
"It's okay Ash. We'll get through it together. I'm here for you," Sheldon said comforting her.
Sheldon led her out of the house and locked the door, leaving a note for her parents. Just as he was helping Ashley into his car, Ashley's little sister Lindsey strolled up the driveway.
"Hey Shel! What's wrong with Ashley? Will she be okay?" Lindsey asked staring at her crying sister.
"Yeah she'll be fine I'm just taking her for a ride." Sheldon replied.
Lindsey continued up the driveway pleased with the explanation. Sheldon hopped in his car and drove off. He decided that he would take her over to their friend Robyn's house, because he knew that she cared about Ashley as much as he did.
Ashley had not looked up since they had left the driveway and she was not aware of what was happening. When they pulled up to Robyn's house, Robyn came running out.
"Sheldon what's wrong with Ashley?" Robyn cried seeing her friend's tear-streaked face. "She was always such a happy person!"
"She having a rough time." Sheldon explained. "With everything that's happening in her life she went overboard and tried to stab herself."
"Is she okay? Did she do it?" Robyn asked, shocked at the explanation he had just given her.
"Yeah she's okay. She was going to kill herself but I called just in time to stop her."
"Come inside please. Bring her in and we can talk about it." Sheldon went over, opened the car door, and helped Ashley out. They walked up the steps to Robyn's front door.
Inside the house Robyn sat them down on the couch and went to make hot chocolate. Of all the years, they have been friends they had never passed up the opportunity to have a nice warm mug of hot chocolate.
Sheldon looked at Ashley. Ashley's face was tear-stained and her eyes were red and puffy.
"Well..." Robyn started. "What happened? Why did you want to kill yourself Ashley?"
"You know how my parents are splitting, right? Well it's really hard living with the fighting." Ashley explained. "They always ignore Lindsey and me. We always have to make our own supper and just do everything for ourselves. They are fighting over who gets to keep us like were possessions!"
Sheldon and Robyn just stared at Ashley with blank expressions, surprised that this had never come out before.
"Can I use your phone, Robyn? I need to call Lindsey and tell her I'll be home late." Ashley calmly asked.
"Sure. You know where it is." Robyn replied.
Ashley walked over to the phone and picked it up. She dialed her number slowly. She waited and after five rings someone answered.
"Hello?" Lindsey said.
"Hey Lindsey. It's me, Ashley." Ashley spoke quietly. "I just wanted to call and let you know that I'll be at Robyn's for awhile. There's ten dollars on my dresser. Take it and buy yourself some dinner."
"Okay Ashley. Will you be okay? You were crying hard when you left."
"Yeah I just needed to talk to someone."
"Okay. Thanks. I love you. Bye" Lindsey replied.
"Love you too. Bye." Ashley carefully replaced the phone and walked back to the kitchen where Sheldon and Robyn were waiting for her.
After another hour of talking Ashley wanted to go home and get some rest. They said their good-byes and Sheldon led Ashley to his car.
"Will you be okay?" Sheldon asked. "You seem more upset than before."
"It's just you seemed distracted tonight, as if you were thinking about something else, as if you don't care." Ashley replied softly.
"I do care. If you were to have killed yourself, I would have been grieving the rest of my life! You're my best friend and always will be."
"Thanks." Ashley said. The rest of the drive was silent. Sheldon seemed distracted and Ashley was thinking about the next way to end her awful life.
When they got to Ashley's house, it was dark and silent. Sheldon, being a gentleman, opened the car door and walked her to her door.
"Well, I'll see you in school tomorrow." Sheldon said as Ashley unlocked the door and let herself in.
"Yeah. I'll probably feel better after a good nights sleep." Ashley said sleepily. "I'm sorry for being so crabby tonight."
"No problem, Bye!" Ashley went inside and closed the door softly. She looked out the window as Sheldon drove off. Ashley walked sleepily up the stairs and opened the door to her room.
She changed into her favorite nightgown and then picked up the picture of her and Jesse at the junior prom. A tear ran down her cheek. Thinking about Jesse made her sadder than she already was.
She went to check on Lindsay and get a glass of water. Lindsay was sleeping, holding the picture of her and Ashley tightly. She walked into the bathroom, grabbed a glass off the counter, and filled it with water. Walking back to her bedroom she thought about all the people she thought would care. She just couldn't go through all the crying and hate. She wanted to end her life as soon as possible.
She crawled into bed, pulled the covers up to her chin, and hugged her teddy bear tightly. She was soon fast asleep.
When her alarm went off the next morning Ashley wanted to crawl in a deep hole. Reluctantly she got out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a comfortable sweater. She walked downstairs and found Lindsay and, one of Ashley's friends, Jessica sitting at the table.
"Hey Ashley! How are you doing? I heard about last night." Jessica said. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Who told you?" Ashley said giving Lindsay an evil stare.
"Sheldon called me after he dropped you off. We're all really worried about you, especially Sheldon. You know how heart-broken we'd be if you were dead!" Jessica said staring blankly at Ashley.
"She's right, Ash. I wouldn't be able to handle it if you were dead." Lindsay said worriedly. "Everyone would miss you."
Ashley just listened. She walked over to the cupboard and got out a bowl and some cereal. She sat down at the table to eat not saying anything.
They ate in silence. When Ashley finished eating, she walked upstairs to do her hair. She was too tired to do anything so she just brushed it into a ponytail. She walked back downstairs to walk to school with Jessica.
They walked in silence until Sheldon came running up to them.
"Hey guys wait up! Wait!" Sheldon was yelling from down the block. "Ashley! Jessica! Wait!" When he caught up to them, he was breathing heavily.
The rest of the way to school they talked about the night before. When they got to school Robyn came running up to them.
"Ashley you feeling any better? Does Jessica know what happened?" Robyn asked questionably. "I mean you were pretty shaken up yesterday when you left.
"Yeah I'm fine. Sheldon told Jessica yesterday. I just needed a good night's sleep." Ashley replied. They continued talking as they walked towards the front doors. When they got inside Robyn and Jessica headed off towards their lockers, Sheldon and Ashley toward theirs. Their school was already crowded although the first bell wasn't scheduled to ring for half an hour.
"Are you really okay Ashley?" Sheldon asked "If you're not we can talk."
"I told you I'm fine!" Ashley said. "I would tell you if I wasn't, you know I can't keep secrets." He didn't want to get her upset so he left it at that. They walked to their lockers in silence.
Ashley struggled with her combination lock. Her mind wasn't on school. It was on what she would do about her suicidal feelings. She knew she couldn't continue living with these feelings. The feelings were eating her up inside and just causing her more pain. Ashley couldn't even think of what her next class was, let alone what she was going to do next. She was one of the lucky ones that had someone that cared so much about her. She glanced at Sheldon and then she thought about Robyn. Both her friends and both people who would be devastated if she died.
She finally opened her locker and got out her books. She walked sleepily towards her homeroom. When she entered the classroom, she felt as though everyone knew about what happened, and they were staring at her. She sat down and tried to hide herself in her desk.
When the bell rang for the first class Ashley jumped up and walked out of there as fast as she could, not looking back. She hurried to her next class, Home Economics, and got ready to finish baking her cake.
Not even 15 minutes into the class the smoke alarm went off. Ashley stayed calm and walked out of the room. She saw smoke billowing out of the Science Lab. When the coast was clear Ashley ran into the Lab and into the storage room. She placed herself against a wall near the center of the fire and lay down to await death. After 5 minutes, Ashley fainted from smoke inhalation.
When she woke up, she saw a bright light beating upon her throbbing head.
"Where am I?" She asked to no one.
"You're in the hospital." A nurse said to her. "One of the firemen saw you in the fire and brought you out. You're being treated for second and third degree burns and smoke inhalation. You may have scars for life." Tears streamed down Ashley's bandaged face.
"Why didn't it work?" She thought. "Why did he have to find me?" Instead of saying this and upsetting the nurse she rolled over and went to sleep.
One Sunday, about a week after she got out of the hospital, she got a surprise visit from Sheldon. He came up to her room, where she was sitting reading a book, took out her favorite pair of jeans and her favorite sweater and said "Get dressed".
"Huh? I'm not aloud to go out yet Sheldon, and I don't want to go to the mall or anything looking like this!" She said closing her book.
"We aren't going to the mall…just get dressed. Please." He pleaded. She finally gave in and Sheldon left the room as she changed.
Once she was finished getting ready, she trudged down the stairs, where she found Sheldon waiting. They walked out to his car and Ashley climbed in. Once they had begun driving, Ashley realized where they were going.
"Sheldon Nicholas Broughton! Pull this car over right now! I am not going to your stupid church. If God loved me as much as you say he does, why is he letting me feel like this? I don't need him and He does not love me." Ashley screamed.
"Calm down Hon, you need help and if you talk to my pastor he, and God can help you more than anyone else!"
Once they got to the church, Sheldon's pastor, Mark Harmmel, greeted them.
"Hello Sheldon, and this must be Ashley. Hello Ashley, my name is Pastor Mark Harmmel. Sheldon is quite concerned about you. He has told me that you have tried to kill yourself 3 times now." The pastor had a soft-spoken, kind way of talking, and because of this, Ashley listened. "Ashley, you need to understand that you don't need to feel like this. Jesus will always be there to listen to you and He will help you through this time. But why don't you and Sheldon go take a seat and I will talk to you more after the service." Ashley and Sheldon made their way to the pews.
That morning pastor Mark talked about Heaven, Hell, and why you need Jesus. This hit home in Ashley's heart. Sitting there listening to this, listening about love, torture, Heaven, Hell, hatred and how Jesus wanted to see you in Heaven, made Ashley realize something…she realized that she needed Jesus. Pastor Mark gave a call for those who felt that part of them was missing, to accept Jesus. Ashley watched many people, old and young, stand up proclaiming their choice. Finally, she slowly stood up. Wide smiles spread across both Pastor Mark and Sheldon's faces. Ashley then made her way to the front and broke down in tears. Sheldon came up to her, comforting her and praying for her.
Ashley then realized that she didn't have to go through life feeling lonely, depressed, that no one cares or understands. She realized that, with the help of Jesus, she could feel loved and comforted in times of need and in times when she just needed a hug. Ashley continued to go to church with Sheldon.
Soon Ashley began going through hard times, family troubles, and the feelings of depression came back. She began to feel that God wasn't there.
"Is there really a God?" Ashley wondered one day. "If he was, wouldn't he have taken me out of this situation. I mean, I can't live at home anymore but my parents won't let me leave. I can't handle living here anymore."
One day she wrote a note to Sheldon describing her feelings and saying that she felt that she couldn't continue following God because she felt he wasn't real.
"Ash, wait up!" Sheldon called after her on the way home. "Hey, what's up with that note you wrote me? You don't really feel like that, do you? I mean I know life at home really sucks right now but you can't just give up!"
"Sheldon, I can't do it anymore. I have tried to get help from God but I really don't see it coming. I've tried so hard Sheldon. I've spent so much time and energy trying, but all my attempts have failed. What's the point in trying anymore? I don't see it. If it's there, it's not meant for me to find. I'm sorry to say this to you, but I believe that God is a fake. There is no God Sheldon." Ashley said seriously
"You can't be serious Ash?! I mean, look at how far you have come!"
"Look Shel, I can't do it anymore." Ashley looked at the ground and then burst into tears. "Sheldon…I have really screwed up. I don't know how I feel anymore. I need help, I know I do, but it's so hard for me to find. Why do I feel like this?" Her voice trailed off.
Sheldon and Ashley walked to Sheldon's house and then sat down to talk. After a long talk and many tears, Ashley decided that what she wrote in the letter wasn't true. Her heart belonged to Jesus and would forever.
"Jesus has changed my point of view on life, Lindsey." Ashley said one day as she chopped onions. "He can really help you. He can help anyone in anyone's situation. I know sometimes life seems tough and you really don't know why stuff happens, but Lindsey, God's there for you through it all. You've got to trust him."
"You're right Ash, I know you are, but I don't know…giving my life to Jesus seems, kind of hard. I mean it doesn't seem like you get to have much fun, with all those rules and stuff."
"I know it seems like that, but look at my life Lindsey, look at how much I've changed. I feel so happy now, better than I've ever felt before. It's great!"
"Really? Is it that great? I've noticed a change in you, but I didn't know it was from God. Well, hmmm, if God has helped you as much as he has, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. I mean, I guess it wouldn't kill me to be happy for a really good reason, eh?" Lindsey laughed.
"This is so great! I'm so happy for you!" Ashley hugged her sister tightly. "You'll never regret this! And totally remember, I'm always here for you sis, always!" Lindsey hugged Ashley back tightly.
Later that night Ashley brought Lindsey to youth group with her. Ashley was giving her testimony. Her testimony brought many people to tears and brought Lindsey to realize how strong her sister actually was. After all she'd been through, and all the pain that people had caused her, she still loved them and she was happy. It amazed Lindsey, she didn't think it was possible for her sister to ever be happy again, and yet, there she was smiling and laughing.
That year had been a difficult one for both Lindsey and Ashley, but they both got through it. Sheldon helped Ashley a lot and she felt that she owed him her life, but she knew that he only did everything he did because he loved he so much. Lindsey had made some very hard choices, she had to stick by her sister when she felt Ashley didn't want her to. Ashley felt so great about her new decision because it meant that she was happy for the first time in a long time. She still misses Jesse and visits his grave almost daily.
"Jesse, I wish you were here right now to see what a difference Jesus has made in my life. I love you so much, and wish you were here. But I can't change what happened. Sheldon once said to me 'You can't change the past, so change the future'. That always comes to mind when I come here. But, I guess I should go. Remember that I still love you and always will." A small tear rolled down Ashley's cheek. She turned around, wiped the tear from her eye, and walked towards the car where Sheldon was waiting for her.