The 9 Types of Boyfriends

 Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
 Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg,
                Snugglepup
 Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
 Disadvantages:  Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

 Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell.  Let's
                   stay home and watch TV."
 Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow
                Mover, Jerk
 Advantages:  Stays put; predictable
 Disadvantages:  Royal pain in the ass

 Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
 Also known as:  Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
 Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
 Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

 Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
 Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n'
                Dumb
 Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
 Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

 Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"
 Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
 Advantages: Well rested; easy target
 Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams

 The Sneak - "Who, me?"
 Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
 Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
 Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

 Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed
                  weasels, OK?"
 Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
 Advantages: Perpetually aroused
 Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

 The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous.  I don't know how,
                but--"
 Also known as: Struggling artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind, Fool
 Advantages: Tells good stories
 Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

 Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like
              crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?"
 Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
 Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
 Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction