Blonde Jokes

1. A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on a cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip, smiling prettily at admiring passengers seated around her.
   Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, "Miss, I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you're seated in first class; I'm afraid you'll have to move."
   The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model."
   Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant. The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely, "I'm sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move back."
   The blonde replies, sweetly, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model" -- and shows no signs of moving.
   Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes the blonde seated comfortably in first class. Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly into the blonde's ear.
   Almost immediately, the blonde gathers her things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment. Amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, "Captain, I'm impressed ... what did you say to her?"
   The captain grinned slyly and said, "I just told her that the first class cabin doesn't go to New York."
    
2. A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
   The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
    
3. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
   Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
   Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
   Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
   Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
    
4. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
    
5. A blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can have sex with the best of them. But he says I can't cook."
    
6. A blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought her a Woody. I called her up later and asked how she like it. She told me it was OK, but that it didn't look so good once she had taken it out of the crate.
    
7. A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer."
   The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your penis?"
    
8. A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland.
   When the man tells her it will be $300, she exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
   To that the man asks, "Anything?"
   And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!"
   With that, the man says, "Follow me"....
   He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door" She does.
   Then he says, "Get on your knees!" She does.
   Then he says, "Take down my zipper!" She does.
   Then he says, "Go ahead, take it out!" With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands!!
   The man then says, "Well, go ahead!!" She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello, Mom??"
    
9. "A blonde heard the garbage man outside. Running out with curlers in her hair, her face covered with cream, and dressed in an old shabby robe, she asked the driver: Am I too late for the garbage?
   Driver: No, hop right in
    
10. A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says "Open wide". "I can't," replies the blonde, " the chair's fitted with arms."
     
11. A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."
     
12. A blonde walked into a hardware store, picked up the hinges she was looking for, and went to go pay for them. The clerk asked her, "Need a screw for those hinges?" "No, but how about a blow job for the shovel in the back?"
     
13. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
    After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
    On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
     
14. A blonde was telling a priest a Polish joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?" "Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "Do you want me to start over and talk slower?"
     
15. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her.
    The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!" or
    The blonde says, "Good thing that cows don't fly."
     
16. A blonde with multiple problems goes in to see her doctor. "Doctor," she says, "It hurts when I touch my forehead. It hurts when I touch my nose. It hurts when I touch my elbow. What's wrong with me?" The doctor asks, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Yes," she replies proudly. "Ah, then your finger is broken!"
     
17. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
    Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." Bartender: "What is a B and C?". Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
    Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." Bartender: "What's a G and T? "Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
    Blonde: "I'll have a 15."Bartender: "What's a 15?" Blonde: "7 and 7"
     
18. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were sitting around trying to compare their boyfriends to brands of pop.
    The redhead said, "My boyfriend's like 7-Up. He's seven inches long and he's always up."
    The brunette said, "My boyfriend's like Mountain Dew. He loves to do it in the mountains all the time."
    The blonde said, "My boyfriend's like Jack Daniels."
    The brunette cut in, "You can't use Jack Daniels. That's a hard liquor."
    A smile crossed the blonde's face. "I know."
     
19. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park.
    The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
    The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
     
20. A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde (all pregnant) are sitting around trying to figure out what sex their babies will be.
    The redhead says, "I always have sex on the bottom and I heard if you do that you'll have a girl."
    The brunette said, "I always have sex on top so I must be going to have a boy."
    The blonde pondered this a minute then began sobbing. "Oh no! I'm going to have puppies!"
     
21. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven.
    When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met St. Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
    "Oh, No!" she said but St. Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy." Who was God's son?" said St. Peter.
    The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
    "That's interesting... What made you say that?" asked St. Peter.
    Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."
     
22. A gorgeous young blonde woman gets sick and tired of men trying to pick her up in bars because she's beautiful, blonde, and so men thought she was easy.
    One she decides to show everyone. She goes home and decides to smarten herself up. She decides to learn the capitals of all the fifty states. Week after week she practices until she knows them all.
    Finally, she is once again ready to go back to the bar. She sits down and after a few seconds a guy comes up to her and starts hitting on her. It is soon evident that he just wants to take her home and have sex with her.
    The lovely blonde says emphatically, "But I'm not just beautiful! I'm smart too!!"
    "Yeah, yeah. I believe you," says the young stud. "Now let's go."
    Again she protests. "No, really I am smart. I know the capitals of all the states."
    The guy starts walking away, getting sick of her.
    She follows him. "Really, go ahead ask me a state. I'll give you its capitol and show you how smart I am."
    Just to get rid of her, the guy says, "Fine. What's the capital of New Mexico?"
    The breathtaking blonde looks at him proudly and says. "New Mexico has two capitals: 'N' and 'M'."
     
23. A guy and his blonde date go to dinner.
    The waiter comes up to the man and asks him what type of meat he would like for dinner.
    He decides on beef roast. Then the waiter asks, "And how about your vegetable?"
    "I don't know," he replied. "You'll have to ask her."
     
24. A guy walks into a bar. "Ouch!"
    A blonde walks into a bar. "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!..."
     
25. A man and his blonde girlfriend were fooling around when the blonde asked, "Would you mind taking off your ring? It's hurting me." "Ring, nothing." he quipped, "That's my wristwatch."
     
26. A man comes home from work one night to catch his blonde girlfriend sliding down the banister naked. He blurts out, "What do you think you're doing?" "Just heating up dinner," she replies.
     
27. A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He walks over to the bar, and orders a beer.
    The bartender says "Sorry sir. You can't bring that alligator in here! It's a dangerous animal, and you're scaring all of the patrons!"
    True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was standing on the tables, looking very nervous.
    "But wait!" he cried, "this alligator is tame! It wouldn't hurt anyone!"
    However, the bartender is adamant.
    "If", the man continues, "I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he stay?"
    "Well, I guess so", says the bartender, "However, you're going to have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that that alligator is tame!"
    The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. "Ralph!" he shouts, "Sit up!" With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his fist "BANG BANG BANG." And alligator rears up on its tail. "Ralph, open your mouth! BANG BANG BANG." And the alligator opened it's huge mouth wide, revealing row upon row of gleaming white teeth. The man pulls out his member, and lays it in the alligator's mouth, as the entire bar crowd gasps. "Ralph! Close your mouth, but DON'T BITE! BANG BANG BANG!" As the man pummels the alligator on the head, the giant mouth slowly closes, and stops juuuussttt short of biting the guy's member off.
    The crowd sighs, and the man says, "Ralph, open your mouth! BANG BANG BANG!" and the alligators mouth opens wide again. "There," says the man to the crowd, "Now would anyone else like to try this?"
    A blonde in the back says "Yeah, I'll try, but only if you promise not to hit me on the head so hard.
     
28. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job
    In the first room she said she would like a pale blue.
    The contractor wrote this down and went to window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!"
    In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
    He wrote this on his pad, walked to the rose window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
    The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
    In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
    The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
    The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
    "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
     
29. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
    Cop: "Do you know where you were going?"
    Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving."
      
30. A state trooper pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding.
    While he is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license is. ("You know, that little card in your wallet that has that picture of you on it?") he has come to the decision that she is a pretty hot babe.
    Finally, after she gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration. Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper with you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment."
    Excited "Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is tearing throught the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his 'member' out.
    Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no!!! Not another breathalizer test!"
     
31. A young blonde woman is asked out on a date and accepts.
    The boy picks her up and they go to a nearby carnival in town.
    They ride a few rides, play a few games, and seem to be generally hitting it off well.
    During a sort of romantic lull, however, the boy says, "What do you want to do now?"
    "I want a weigh," she says. Well, OK, thinks the boy. They walk over to the fortune scales, and weigh her.
    They play a few more games and stop for foods. "What do you want to do now?" asks the boy again.
    "I want a weigh," she says. Hmmm, a little odd but I'll put up with it, thinks the boy. Again they get her weight and fortune.
    After yet another few games and an exquisite fireworks show, the boy repeats, "What do you want to do now?"
    "I want a weigh," she says. "Damn," thinks the boy, "She's just too weird for me." They get her weight and fortune, and the boy drives her home.
    As she walks into the house, her sister asks, "How'd your date go?" "Wousy," says the girl.
     
32. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
     
33. Another blonde in the porno shop:
    She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
    He answers, "$35."
    She: "How much for the black one?"
    He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one.
    "She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before."
    She pays him, and off she goes.
    A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks,
    "How much for the black dildo?"
    He: "$35."
    She: "How much for the white one?"
    He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one.
    "She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..."
    She pays him, and off she goes.
    About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?"
    He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
    She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
    He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."
    She thinks for a moment and answers, " I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...."
    She pays him, and off she goes.
    Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
    To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
     
34. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk
    "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
    "Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk.
    "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
     
35. At a car wash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter, she reappears at the car wash yelling, " who ripped off my car phone!"
     
36. Blonde #1: "It's embarassing, but every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
    Blonde #2: "Gee, what are you taking for it?"
    Blonde #1: "Snuff."
     
37. Blonde: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?
    "Man: "It's 3:15."
    Blonde: (puzzled look on her face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that same question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
     
38. Blonde Inventions:
    ...wind-powered fan
    ...battery-powered battery recharger
    ...Perpetual machine-needs power plug!
    ...Wind-powered air-conditioner
    ...Refrigerator for Eskimoes
    ...Steam bath that works only in the middle of the Sahara
    ...Electrically powered dynamo [Look at the extension cord she brought attached to her bicycle wheel...QED]
    ...ejection seat for helicopter pilots
    ...solar powered flashlight
    ...water-proof hair dryer: saves time in the shower.
     
39. Blonde Medical Terminology:
    Anally: occurring yearly
    Artery: study of paintings
    Bacteria: back door of cafeteria
    Barium: what doctors do when treatment fails
    Benign: what you be after you be eight
    Bowel: letter like A.E.I.O.U
    Cesarean section: district in Rome
    Cat scan: searching for kitty
    Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
    Colic: sheep dog
    Coma: a punctuation mark
    Congenital: friendly
    D&C: where Washington is
    Diarrhea: journal of daily events
    Dilate: to live long
    Enema: not a friend
    Fester: quicker
    Fibula: a small lie
    Genital: non-Jewish
    G.I. Series: soldiers' ball game
    Grippe: suitcase
    Hangnail: coathook
    Impotent: distinguished, well known
    Intense pain: torture in a teepee
    Labor pain: got hurt at work
    Medical staff: doctor's cane
    Morbid: higher offer
    Nitrate: cheaper than day rate
    Node: was aware of
    Outpatient: person who had fainted
    Pap smear: fatherhood test
    Pelvis: cousin of Elvis
    Post operative: letter carrier
    Protein: favoring young people
    Rectum: damn near killed 'em
    Recovery room: place to do upholstery
    Rheumatic: amorous
    Scar: rolled tobacco leaf
    Secretion: hiding anything
    Seizure: Roman emperor
    Serology: study of knighthood
    Tablet: small tablet
    Terminal illness: sickness at airport
    Tibia: country in North Africa
    Tumor: an extra pair
    Urine: opposite of you're out
    Varicose: located nearby
    Vein: conceited
     
40. Blonde Quips in Revenge for Blonde Jokes:
    1) The only problem with women is men.
    2) Women prefer the simple things in life...like men.
    3) Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
    4) Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy...by remaining a bachelor.
    5) Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think.
    6) I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
    7) The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
    8) What's the difference between men and pigs?...Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
    9) The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.
    10) Boys will be boys, but men are better at it.
    11) What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?... A widower.
    12) They put one man on the moon. Why can't they put them all there?
    13) What's an orgasm Mom? I don't know...ask your father.
    14) If you catch a man...throw him back.
    15) Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
    16) What is the useless bit of skin of a penis?...A man.
     
41. Did you hear about the blonde who:
    1) had more on her body than on her mind?
    2) was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
    3) took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
    4) got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
    5) was an M.D.: Mentally Deficient?
    6) had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
    7) thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
    8) was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
    9) after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
    10) went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
    11) brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
    12) thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease?
    13) thought that a sanitary belt was a shot from a clean whiskey glass?
    14) thought that intercourse was a state highway.
     
42. Great Pick-Up lines to use on Blondes:
    That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed.
    Do you want to see something swell?
    What do you like for breakfast?
    Do you want to f*ck or should I apologize?
    Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
    Why dont you come over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.
    Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.
    Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
    Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
    You smell wet. Lets party!
    If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold it against me?
    Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?
    I thought you knew!
    You have the ass of a great artist.
     
43. How come that blonde girl got expelled from school?
    She was caught cheating.
    How?
    She was counting her breasts during a biology exam!
     
44. Maggie's first pregnancy had produced triplets.
    With considerable pride she was telling her blonde friend how this happened once in every 200,000 times.
    The blonde's eyes widened: "Beats me how you ever found time to do any housework.
     
45. One day a blonde walked into a hair salon wearing a set of headphones.
    "I'd like a hair cut," she told one of the stylists.
    The blonde sat down, picked up a it magazine, but did not remove her headphones.
    The stylist cut her hair anyway, working around the headphones.
    The stylist thought that this was rather odd, but didn't let it stop her.
    About six weeks later, the same blonde comes in with headphones again and asks the same stylist to cut her hair again.
    "All right," the stylis t thinks to herself, "this time she'll take off the headphones at least."
    However, once again the blonde sat in the stylist's chair, picked up a magazine (looking at the pictures obviously), and did not remove her headphones.
    This really began t o bug the stylist. "What can she possibly be listening to that's so good?" she thought.
    After finishing cutting her hair the stylist thinks to herself, " If she comes in here one more time with those headphones, I'll knock them off 'accident ally' and see what she's listening to."
    Another six weeks goes by and, sure enough, the same blonde comes in and does the same routine.
    The stylist had to know what she was listening to. She knocks the headphones off the blonde to see what she is lis tening to.
    The moment the headphones come off, the blonde falls to the floor, dead.
    From the headphones came "Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out..."
     
46. One day, a Bartender was at work and these two beautiful blondes walk in.
    They seemed to be pleased about something and were in a really good mood.
    The Blondes shouted 51! All right! 51! They were giving each other high fives like a junior high basketball team after winning a championship.
    As the Bartender served their drinks, another Blonde walks in and they go through the same ritual. 51! All right! 51!
    The Bartender asks no questions, but again serves them drinks.
    After 15 more minutes, another blonde walks in and they go through the same ritual. 51! All right! 51!
    As the Bartender is taking their new order, he asks "What is 51"?
    One of the Blondes replies, "The four of us just finished a puzzle in 51 days".
    Again they begin to give each other high fives and shout 51! All right! 51!
    The Bartender asks, "Was it a tough puzzle"?
    Another Blonde replies, "We put that puzzle together in just 51 days. It says, Two to Four years on the box."
    51! All right! 51!
     
47. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
    Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
    Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
     
48. STATE OF OHIO
    DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE
    451 HIGH STREET
    George Voinovich COLUMBUS, OH 43210 Ralph G. Pacheco
    Governor Director
    FAX (614) 445-xxxx Phone (614) 445-xxxx
    
    BULLETIN NO. 91
    DATE: January 7, 1992
    TO: All Ohio Insurance Agents
    FROM: Ohio Department of Insurance
    SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches Pursuant to the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles Act No. 97, all motor vehicles sold in the State of Ohio after February 15, 1992, will be required to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted to the floorboard. The dim mer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch by the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion. Included in the above act and beginning June 1, 1992, all other vehicles with steering column mounted dimmer switches must be retrofitted with a floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the type described above. The steering column mounted dimmer switch must be disabled or removed from the veh icle. Vehicles which have not made this change will fail the forthcoming Ohio Safety Inspection program which will begin on this date. It is recognized that this will cause some hardship for the driving public. However, this change is being made in the in terest of public safety. Ohio DMV Act 92 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the prevalent dimmer system in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles. A recent study entitled the "Inflation Sequence in Ohio Nighttime Highway Traffic Accid ents" was conducted jointly by the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles and the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicle Research. It has shown that 96% of all Ohio nighttime highway accidents are caused by a blonde getting her foot caught in the steering wheel ........
     
49. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
    Blonde: I don't know. Why?
    Teller: It was easier to spell.
    Blonde: Easier than what?
     
50. The Official Blondes Sex Quiz.
    True or False
    1. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit in Colorado.
    2. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird.
    3. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
    4. The G-string is part of a violin.
    5. Anus is the latin word for yearly.
    6. Testicles are found on an octopus.
    7. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas.
    8. Fetus is a charactor in "Gunsmoke".
    9. An unbilical chord is part of a parachute.
    10. A diaphram is a drawing in geometry.
    11. A lesbian is a person from the middle east.
    12. Sodomy is a special kind of fast growing grass.
    13. Genitals are people of non-jewish origins.
    14. Douche is the Italian word for twelve.
    15. An enema is someone who is not your friend.
    16. Scrotum is a small moon orbiting Uranus.
    17. Climax is a weather balloon.
    18. Condom is a small apartment complex.
    19. Homo is pasturized milk from Nebraska.
    20. Menopause is a button on the VHS remote control.
     
51. There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio.
    The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off.
    A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing.
    The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name.
    If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
     
52. There was once a deserving blonde girl who got tired of all the "blonde" jokes constantly being thrown at her. So she decided to change her image. She went to a salon and had her hair dyed red. She also purchased a red sports car.
    As she was driving along a stretch of country road, she came across a herd of sheep in the road. She slowed the car down and carefully waded through the herd.
    When she had passed safely through, she saw the sheepherder sitting by the side of the road and she stopped the car.
    "Hey mister!" she called, " your sheep are so CUTE!! If I tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
    The herder thought for a moment, and replied "Sure, why not?"
    So, the ex-blonde proceeded to count all of the sheep.
    When she had finished, she went to the herder and told him, "mister, you have 738 sheep here."
    He confirmed that her answer was indeed correct, and instructed her to choose one to take home with her.
    She looked over the herd and spotted an animal that was to her liking.
    She loaded it in her car and was about ready to leave when the sheepherder approached her and said,
    "Miss, if I tell you what color your hair used to be.....will you give me back my dog????
     
53. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.
    The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
    The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as s he swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
    So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, 10 miles, 15 miles, 19 miles from the island.
    The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
     
54. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop.
    His boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?"
    The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.
    A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex).
    She walks up to the pharmacist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?"
    "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax."
    "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
     
55. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb.
    One of them decides to call 911:
    Blonde: "We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb."
    Operator: "Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?"
    Blonde: "Yes."
    Operator: "The power in the house is on?"
    Blonde: "Of course."
    Operator: "And the switch is on?"
    Blonde: "Yes, yes."
    Operator: "And the bulb still won't light up?"
    Blonde: "No, it's working fine."
    Operator: "Then what's the problem?"
    Blonde: "We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves."
     
56. Three blonds were walking down the beach when they found a brass oil lamp.
    They rubbed the lamp and sure enough, a genie appeared!
    "I am the Genie of the lamp! I can give each of you as much intelligence as you desire!", boomed the Genie.
    "Oh, my!", cried the first blond. "I guess I would like to be 100 times smarter than I am now!"
    ZAP! The Genie turned her into a BRUNETTE!
    "Well", said the second blond, "I don't think I need to be that smart. I would like to be only 10 times smarter than I am now!"
    ZAP! The Genie turned her into a REDHEAD!
    "Gee!" said the third blond. "I think I am just about OK the way I am. I get a lot of attention and men seem to like me... I guess if anything, I would like to be 10 time DUMBER than I am now!"
    ZAP! The Genie turned her into a MAN!
     
57. Three blondes were walking through the desert when found a magic genie's lamp the said,
    "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
    The first said, "I wish I were smarter." So she became a redhead.
    The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette.
    The third blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man.
     
58. Three pregnant women, again a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, are sitting in a room trying to figure out who's the father of their babies.
    The brunette says "My baby's either Steve's or Jim's."
    The redhead says "Mine's either John's or Bob's."
    The blonde thought for a moment then said in a puzzled voice "I wonder if it's mine."
     
59. Two blondes are in a dark theatre:
    Blonde #1: "Hey, the guy next to me is jerking off!"
    Blonde #2: "Just ignore him."
    Blonde #1: "I can't. He's using my hand."
     
60. Two blondes were walking around when they saw some tracks.
    One blonde says,"They're moose tracks."
    The other blonde says,"No, they're deer tracks."
    "No, they're moose tracks!"
    "Deer tracks!"
    They kept arguing until the train ran them over.
     
61. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
    Blonde #1: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"
    Blonde #2: "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!"
     
62. What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
    The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
    The nymphomaniac says, "Are you done already?"
    The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
     
63. Why did the blonde cross the road?
    Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
    I don't know.
    Neither did she.
     
64. Worst Pick-Up lines to use, even on a Blonde:
    I just threw up!
    You look just like a hooker I know in Detroit.
    Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the package it came in?
    Hey baby! You look like you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
    I've had quite a bit to drink, and your beginning to look pretty good.
    Hello Susie! Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon so she asked me to pick you up.
    My what a pretty dress!
    Your face or mine?
    Nice dress, could I talk you out of it?
    I want to floss with your pubic hair.
    I'd look good on you.
    Excuse me. Have I f*cked you yet?
    Somebody farted! Lets get out of here.