Computer Humor

• There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession. The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world. The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession. The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"
   
• Have you heard about the new Cray? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.
   
• Have you heard about the new Cray? It's so fast, it requires TWO halt instructions to stop it!
   
• Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer. It has a 150 MHz processor, 200 megabytes of RAM, 1500 megabytes of disk storage, a screen resolution of 1024x1024 pixels, relies entirely on voice recognition for input, fits in your shirt pocket, and costs $300.
  What's the first question that the computer community asks?
  "Is it PC compatible?"
   
• Isn't it odd that all the members of the Association for Computing Machinery are human? (I've been thinking of signing my home computer up.)
   
• What do you call a computer scientist?
  It doesn't matter what you call him. He's too involved with the computer to come anyway.
   
• What do miniskirts and hard disks have in common?
  Access time.
    
• What do Unix sysadmins do when they're horny?
  Mount a filesystem.
   
• Why do Computer Science majors smell so bad.
  So that blind students can hate them too.
   
• How do you tell an extrovert computer scientist?
  He looks at *your* shoes when he talks to you.
   
• Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
  Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
   
• Did you hear about the Microsoft crystal ball?
  Ask it something and it replies: "Answer unclear. Add 20 Meg of RAM and ask again later."
   
• How many MS engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  None, they just define darkness as an industry standard!