Once upon a time, in a bright, sunny land called Orlandoo, there lived 5 bears - Eyebrow Bear, Winky Bear, B-Bear, Funky Bear and N64 Bear.  They all lived very happily in a dilapidated tour bus in some generally unknown spot in Disney World.

Eyebrow Bear is the oldest and had excess fur above his eyes.  He acts like the other bears' daddy and that usually gets them pretty pissed and because of that, they don't like to include him in on inside jokes.  He also has the problem of talking r-e-a-l  s-l-o-w.  The other bears could finish singing 10 whole songs in the time it takes for Eyebrow to finish a sentence.

And then there's Winky Bear, who has an uncorrectable eye problem in his left eye.  The doctors originally thought it was a nervous twitch and tried surgery but it turned out to be unsuccessful as Winky Bear ended up with several surgical side effects - a drooling problem and stringy, noodle-like hair.

B-Bear has the tendency to do things outta the blue.  Like suddenly saying "Hello" or waving or pulling fish faces.  He has owned the same basketball for the last 20 years and he hugs it to sleep while biting on his nails.

Funky Bear wants to be in a class of his own.  He's always changing his fur color every 3 1/2 hours and is convinced that if he didn't wear his shades, he'd melt into a puddle of fur-dye.  Funky deliberately shaved his arms so that he could tattoo himself with a black magic marker.  The only thing Funky lives off is Mickey D's and even then, he's as thin as a bone.

Lastly, there's N64 Bear - the baby bear, even though he is the tallest bear and has the biggest paws.  He has a lasting affair with his Nintendo set and with pizza.  Like Funky, he's convinced that he'd melt into a blond puddle if he didn't have those.

It's a beautiful, bright morning and the birds outside the tour bus are singing "As Long As You Love Me".  Winky is ironing the PJ's he wore the night before and N64's glued to his video game.  Funky's on the phone trying to convince Mickey D's to send over breakfast and B-Bear's walking all over the place with his eyes closed (it's amazing he's not bumping into stuff).
 
 

Funky :    <trying to charm his way to a free Mickey D's breakfast>  Pleeeeeeease, baby?  Just send over a buncha hotcakes and hash-browns and maybe a coupla Big Macs over to The Ol' Tour Bus.  I promise I'll go out with you!  *pauses*  Um, *nervous laughter*  Amanda who?  *innocent*  I don't know any Amanda!  Ooops, I'm sorry if I called you Amanda!  I meant... um, oh shit!

Winky : *wink*  It's such a beautiful morning!  Lalalalalalala. *drool*  Can you guys take me out for a walk in the forest, please?  *wink*  Please?  *wink*  Please???? *wink*

N64 :    Shut up, Twitchy!  Lemme concentrate on my friggin' game!  Something's wrong with my joystick!  Mario's not going anywhere!  *wails*

B-Bear :    Maybe 'cause *raises his voice* you're hitting a musroom on your pizza and NOT the joystick, you dweeb!

N64 :    *stares at his pizza*  Oh no!  I squashed my poor pizza!

Winky : *tries again* *wink*  C'mon, guys!  *wink*  Listen to me!  *wink*  I said it's a beautiful day! *drool*  So take me out for a walk!  Pleeeeease!  I promise I'll stay and on leash this time, *wink*  and I'll be good and stuff like that!  <starts ironing his teddy bear boxers>

Funky : <in the background, yelling to the birds>  SHADDUP!!!!!!!!!!!!  As long as I love you?!  I won't love you anymore if you won't shut up!!!  <birds stop singing>  <turns back to the phone>  You, shut up?  Noooo, not you, baby!  Not you!!!

Eyebrow :  *slowly*  G-o-o-d  m-o-r-n-i-n-g!

B-Bear :    What took you so long to get your butt down here?!  You're supposed to fix breakfast for us!

Eyebrow :    You're my cousin and I've known you all my life and -

B-Bear :*cuts Eyebrow off*  Ahhh, I already know that!  And by the way, I've known you all MY life!!  But ---------------

Winky :    Take us for a walk, pleeeeeeease?  *wink*  I promise I'll be perfect and stuff like that!  *wink*

Eyebrow :    You?  Perfect?  Surrrrrrre, and N Sync is the best human group ever!    I hafta go and mow my eyebrows before we leave though.

Winky :    YAY!!!  *wink* 

N64 :    Damn!  When did my pizza get so hard?!

B-Bear :   You idiot!  You're biting on your joystick! *sigh*  I thought you're old enough to tell the difference!

N64 : *whines*  I'm not!  So there!  *pouts*

Funky :   YAY!!  I got 'em to deliver Mickey D's for breakfast!  And I got a date tonight too!  With that girl bear on the phone!

Eyebrow :    What's her name?

B-Bear :    Does she like macaroni and cheese?

N64 :    Does she have a nice ass?

Winky :    Does she *wink* like me and stuff like that? *drool*  I really hope so!  *wink*  'Cause I like girl bears! *wink*  And I really want someone to like me!  *drool*

Funky :    Oh shit!  I forgot to ask her name!  Dammit!

Eyebrow :  Don't worry!  It'll be fine!  Just be home by 8pm tonight!

Funky :   Don't touch me!

Winky :    YAY!!!  *wink*  So now that Eyebrow's not making breakfast, we can leave for my walk sometime this week! *wink*

B-Bear :    Thank God!

Funky :    Stop it with God!  You should thank Mickey D's!

Eyebrow :    Go get the door, N64! 

N64 :    But I'm in my ugly green underwear!

Funky :    Who cares?  C'mon, our breakfast is waiting!

B-Bear :   Just get it!    I hope they remember the macaroni and cheese this time!

Winky : *wink*  *giggling*  Mickey D's doesn't do macaroni and cheese, dufo!

Funky :   *frowns*  Why couldn't they get a girl bear to deliver the food?

N64 :   Heere!  Next time you make me do something like that again, I'll.... I'll... I'll.... I'll... finish all your pizza!

B-Bear  :    S'long as you don't touch the macaroni and cheese, I don't care!   Awww, no macaroni and cheese again!  Oh well, I guess I'll hafta live off the hash browns then!    Here, Tykee!

Winky :   *drool*  Where's mine? *wink*  Where's mine?  *wink*  I want the syrup and the pancakes and stuff like that!  *wink*

Eyebrow :    Oops, I think we forgot to order you a breakfast again!

Funky :   Oops!  I keep forgetting that there are 5 of us!

Eyebrow :    Don't worry, I'll save you something!  Go chew on your gummi bears.

N64 :    AHHHHHH!!!!  My food's too friggin' hot!

B-Bear :   HOT, HOT, HOT!!

Eyebrow :    Yes, cuz, I know you're hot.  A lotta girl bears know that too.   *slowly*  T-h-a-t-'s  t-o-o  h-o-t!!!

B-Bear :   Oh my God, how in the world can you eat all that stuff?!  It's burning, man!

Funky :     What?!  HOT?!  OH NO!  *spits*

Winky : *wink*  What's wrong?  *wink*  Did I miss something and stuff like that?  *wink*

N64 :    The friggin' food's too friggin' hot!

Winky : *wink*  I wanna join in too!  *wink*  Ahhhhh, that's too hot!

Eyebrow :*sigh*  Ok, y'know what?  Maybe we should go for Winky's walk while we wait for our food to cool off.  So when we get back, our food will be cold enough to eat.  Ok?

B-Bear :    So I can't cook up some macaroni and cheese?

Eyebrow :    N-o.  I think I'll hafta mow my eyebrows later.

Funky :    Just don't leave them too long or you'll hafta upgrade to one of those larger mowers to get through 'em.    Or hey, those eyebrows can be like, your built-in sunglasses!

B-Bear :   *baby voice*  You wanna go for a walk, Tyke?  Then we can wave and say Hello to all the flowers and the trees and the furry animals together!

N64 :   *mumbles under his breath*  We're going for one of Winky's stupid walks and you're coming with me!

Winky : *wink*  I'm all set!  I got my leash and stuff like that! *drool*  Can we go now and stuff like that?  *wink*  C'mon, guys, hwurry wup!  *wink*

Eyebrow :*slowly*  Y-e-a-h,  y-e-a-h.  Lemme go comb my eyebrows at least!

Funky :    At the rate Eyebrow goes, we'd better we out and back before my date tonight!   Just in case I get bored of blue fur....

B-Bear :   Oh my God!  That was fast!  Lemme die of a heart attack now!  *pauses*  Oh wait, that's too easy for me.  Never mind!

N64 :    Let's move it now, dude!

The 5 Bears are now dragging their paws in some dense forest.  Funky has gone through 5 fur color changes since they started their walk.  B-Bear is pulling fish-faces at Tyke the basketball.  N64 is still trying to plug his Nintendo into every tree trunk they pass and Eyebrow is struggling to keep his eyebrows in line with a really big comb.  Winky's the only perky one left.
 
 

N64 : *whines*  We've been walking forever!  My Nintendo's getting heavy....

Eyebrow :    C'-m-o-n,  it hasn't been THAT long!  We'll be home soon and our food shuld be cooler.  So we can eat it when it's cooler.

Funky : *flaking out*  Should be?!  Should be?!  *yells*  IT BETTER BE!  I've been waiting just about all day for my precious Mickey D's!!!  We've been gone so long your eyebrows have grown 9 inches!!

Winky : *wink*  *whimpering*  And it's dark and stuff like that! *wink*  I'm scared.... *wink*  Hold me, B-Bear? *wink*  Please?  *wink*

B-Bear : NO!  Tyke's more scared than you!  I'm holding HIM, not you!

Eyebrow :  Lemme find how far we still hafta go.

Funky :    It better be somewhere between zero and 2.... MILES!

Eyebrow :    Uh-oh....

N64 :    Uh-oh?  Noooooo, Eyebrow!  You're not supposed to say "uh-oh"!  You're the dependable one!  What's wrong?!?!?  *eyes dart around nervously*

Eyebrow :    Um.... we're in Kentucky now.

B-Bear :   Home!  Maybe I can take you to Mommy and she can feed you something nice!

Funky :    Ok, no Mickey D's.  Maybe I'll just live off KFC instead.  After all, we ARE in Kentucky!

N64 :    Geez, Eyebrow, we've crossed 3 statelines!  Y'think we've been out long?!  God!

B-Bear :    Ooooooooooh, did you say God?  Wanna talk about Him?

N64 :    HELL, NO!

B-Bear :    Shhhhhhh, don't let him hear you say that!

Eyebrow :    B-u-t, I have some g-o-o-d  n-e-w-s.

Winky :   Ooooooh, *wink*  I like good news and stuff like that!  *wink*

Funky :    This better involve girls and Mickey D's. *remembers*  Oh shit, my date!  This is all your fault, Winky!

Eyebrow :    Wanna hear the g-o-o-d  n-e-w-s?    Then *slowly*  s-h-u-t  u-p!!!!!  Anyway, we're not very far from the cabin I used to live in when I was a kid.  It should be..... .... right over....

Funky : *muffled*  Here?

B-Bear :    I'll be nice.  Here, I'll let you go first, N64! 

Funky :    We'll wait right outside!

<3 hours later, N64 emerges, all scrapped up and panting>

N64 :    They're gone!  *whew*

Winky :   YAY!!!  Goooooooo, N64! *wink*

Eyebrow :    What took you so  l-o-n-g?  I finished one whole sentence in the time it took you!

N64 :    One girl bear kept saying she wanted to have my baby bear.  I had to find tape to tape her mouth shut.  Another one had this huge picture of our tour bus house and she wanted me to do a photo-shoot with it.  That's only 2!  You try dealing with 200!

Winky : *wink*  At least they LIKE you!  *drool*  *wink*

Funky :   *incredulously*  What happened to all the girls?!

N64 :    I told them you guys were somewhere in the forest and they all ran out the back door to look for you.  Hee, hee.

Eyebrow :    But there is n-o back door, not that I recall!

B-Bear : *points*   There is now!  I guess someone must've forgotten to feed that hungry bear.

Funky :   Hello?  Is this McDonald's?  Hello?  Hello?  Hello?

B-Bear :    Did I hear someone say Hello?    Nooooo, Funky, this is how you do it!   H-ello!  H-ello!   *Jim Carrey voice*  Allllll riiiiiiighty then!  Don't talk to me!

Eyebrow :  You're my cousin!  And that's not a phone.  It's a chameleon camouflaged on the wood.  So it's not really a phone you can use, all right?

Eyebrow :    *laughs*  City boy......

Winky :    Do you have *wink* Monopoly and stuff like that?  *wink*  Or maybe Twister and stuff like that? *wink*  So that we can all play.

Eyebrow :    N-O!  But we can all do some ballroom dancing instead!  C'mon, Winky! 

Winky :    Oh wow!  *wink*  You wanna do something with me! *wink*  I'm soooo touched!    Ballroom dancing it is!  *wink*

Funky :   You mean cabin dancing!

N64 :    Hey, Funky, help me find a wall socket here!  I wanna play Nintendo!

B-Bear :    Fine, N64, don't play with me!  Tyke will play with me instead!  C'mon, Tyke!  We'll go outside and shoot some rok!



B-Bear :    OH NO!!!  Tykeeeee!  Come back!!!   HELP ME, GUYS!  Tyke's on the roof!  Get him down!  He'll get lonely up there!

N64 :    No way, man!  I just got my Nintendo hooked up!  Go up there yourself!

B-Bear : *cries*  But it's sooooo high up there!  What if I fall and crack my head open?!

Funky :    Don't worry, nothing'll spill out then!  Hahaha!

Eyebrow :  D-o-n-'t  l-o-o-k  d-o-w-n and you'll be fine.

B-Bear :   Can I at least take Winky with me?  Where is Winky?

Winky :    Lalalala.  *wink*  I wonder if the pretty fire's hot.     OH NO!!!  *wink*  AHHH! *wink*  I'm on fire!  My beautiful hair's on fire! *wink*  HELP!!!

Funky :    Oh shut up, Winky.  You're only on fire!

B-Bear :   And the macaroni and cheese saves the day!  Thank God I keep a spare supply in my pocket!

Eyebrow :    You look even worse than before, Winky.  When we get home, I'll get you a haircut with my eyebrow mower.  That might work.

Winky :   Oh really? *wink*  Wow!  Thank you, *wink*  thank you, *wink*  thank you, *wink*  thank you, *wink*  thank you! *wink*

Eyebrow :    Yeah, yeah, now s-h-u-t  u-p!

B-Bear :    Hey, what about me now?  What about Tyke?

Winky :    I'm not going up there.  *wink*  I'll be even more useless than I already am.  *wink*  I'm a shrimp, remember?

N64 : *groans*  Ok, ok, I'll help you out so that you'll shut up and lemme concentrate on my game!  You've killed me off 43 times in the last 5 minutes!

N64 :    There!  You owe me bigtime, man!

B-Bear :    Yeah, yeah.  I'll get you a fridgeful of pizza or something.  Happy now?    Aww, Tyke!  I'm sooo glad you're ok!!

Eyebrow :*naggy voice*  C'mon, kiddies!  It's time for bed!  We've gotta head back to Orlandoo tomorrow.

Funky :    Aww, do we hafta?  Why can't we go clubbing?

N64 :    'Cause there are no clubs in the forest, dipshit!  Besides, *yawns*  it's 9pm.  Waaaay past MY bedtime.

Winky : *wink*  Does that mean no Twister and stuff like that?

B-Bear :    Tyke's sleepy.  He can't bounce  no more. *yawns*  I think I'll go say my prayers and go night-night.

Eyebrow :*slowly* Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z.


The 5 Bears trek back to Orlandoo the next day.  Funky changes his fur color 3 more times and B-Bear is upset that Tyke's gotten slightly deflated overnight.  N64 has been trying to plug his Nintendo into bushes rather than tree trunks.  Eyebrow is using Winky's leash to keep his growing eyebrows outta his eyes.  Perky Winky has promised to be good without the leash as long as someone feeds him his gummi bears when they get home.

Coming home, they find the door of the tour bus wide open.....
 

Winky : *wink*  OH NO!  *wink*  We've been broken into!  *drool*

Funky :    Oh shit, I hope they didn't get my hat collection... or my sunglasses collection.

N64 :    I can't wait to plug in my Nintendo!

Eyebrow :  So far so good....

B-Bear : *screams*  AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  Someone deflated my entire basketball collection!  Tyke54 and Tyke76 look the most deflated!  OH NO!  Someone call the cops!

Funky : *hoarse screaming*  OH NO!  Someone's eaten all the Mickey D's!  And left shitty little crumbs.  We're all gonna starve!!!!  Hmm, I wonder if my fur dye is edible...

Eyebrow :    C-a-l-m  d-o-w-n, g-u-y-s.

Winky : *wink*  Someone wrinkled the PJs and boxers and socks and stuff like that I ironed yesterday!  *wink*  OH NO! *sadly*  All that ironing gone to waste...  *drool*

N64 :    Ok, which dimwit ate all my pizza?!  I had exactly 68 of them stashed under my bed and now they're gone!!

Eyebrow :*slowly*  I said c-a-l-m  d-o-w-n, guys!

Funky, B-Bear, Winky, N64 :    SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funky :    Your stuff is still intact so shut up and let the rest of us grieve, will ya?

Eyebrow :  *yells*  Someone stuck my Viagara pills in my cat's ears!!!  Ok, someone will pay for this!  'Cause I need those pills and Quincy doesn't need them.

B-Bear :    Ok, so maybe Eyebrow's gonna shut up about calming down now. Thank God!

N64 :   I've got this creepy feeling the asshole's still in our tour bus.  I'm gonna go look for him.

Winky :    *wink*  Don't go!    What if you get hurt?  *wink*  How are we gonna live without you?

Funky :    Puh-lease, Winky!  N64's so much bigger than you and the rest of us!  Those huge paws can take anything, I'm sure!  Let him go, Winky!

N64 : *hisses*  Hey, guys!  Over here!      *screams*  Owwwwwww, I didn't know the fucking bubble gun was this heavy!!

Small Blond Bear :    *burp*  Excuse me, must be all that pizza I ate.  Oh yeah, N64, Mom wants you home to take out the trash.

N64 : *slaps his forehead*  Air-Bear!!!  So you had to break into our tour bus and wreack all our stuff for us?  And all you were doing is looking for me?!

Air-Bear :*stares at the Bears innocently*  Well, yeah!

N64 :    Y'know what?  I'm gonna trash you, you little pipsqueak!! 

Air-Bear :  I'm blond, I'm cute, you can't catch me!!

Funky :    My money's on that N64 doesn't catch Air-Bear.

B-Bear :    Ditto.

Eyebrow :  *slowly*  Nah, I think he will.

Winky : *wink*  Oooh, oooh, ooh!  *wink*  Can I say that we lived happily ever after and stuff like that?  *wink*  Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

B-Bear, Funky, Eyebrow :    NO!!!

Eyebrow :    Hey, maybe I'll get my own show.. um, I mean s-t-o-r-y!

THE END

BTW, this many people have died laughing : 
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