Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
 

Moses goes first. He settles up for the shot and hammers it straight for the green. Unfortunately, the ball falls into a water hazard. Undaunted, Moses raises his arms to the sky, and the water parts where the ball dropped in. The ball rolls out of the water and onto dry land, only a foot away from the hole. Jesus looks at Moses and says, "Hey Moses, that was a pretty good shot. Now let me see what I can do."

Jesus settles up for his shot and sends the ball screaming towards the green. Unfortunately, Jesus has the same luck as Moses did. The ball heads straight for the water hazard. Jesus holds out one hand and, instead of dropping into the water, the ball bounces on top of the water and rolls onto dry land only 3 inches from the hole. Moses says, "Wow, that was an incredible shot!"

No sooner did Moses say this, than the skies grew dark. The wind started up, lightning and thunder crackled through the sky. Suddenly, a ball falls from the heavens into the same water hazard where Jesus and Moses had hit theirs. A fish swims up and swallows the ball. An eagle swoops down, grabs the fish in his talons, and heads for the now darkened sky. Lightning strikes the eagle, and he drops the fish onto the green. The fish opens his mouth; the ball rolls out and drops into the hole.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, "Man! I hate it when your Dad plays!"
 

He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golfball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."

The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."

Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.

The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"

The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time."

"I did that for you," responds the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?"

"Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill" he replied.

The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?"

Now the golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."

Floored, the leprechaun stammers, "Once or twice a week?"

The golfer looks at him sheepishly and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
  +++ Farm Golfing (PG) From: Joke of the Day:
A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.

After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.

He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.

A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?"

That was the last thing he could remember.
 

"It's only fair to warn you Linda," he said, "I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep, and breathe golf."

"Well..." Linda said, "since you're being honest, so will I. I'm a hooker."

"I see," he said pensively. Then, he smiled and said, "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
 

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist, and I know I could relieve your pain, if you'd allow."

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right--I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly, as he remained in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."