Newlyweds: The Humor Culled

Wedding Night Diseases (PG-13: Subject) A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww-what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your feet so gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing.
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose."What's wrong with your knees?" she asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess: Small cox?

Redneck Weddin' Night (PG-13: Subject) Redneck Billy Joe and Redneck Mary Sue are joined in holy matrimony. They spend their wedding night at the Motel 6 Honeymoon Suite in Parthenon, Arkansas.
They've abstained from the big deed until this very night. Just as Billy Joe is about to make love to his new wife for the first time, she stops him.
"Wait, Billy Joe. I just thought you should know: this ain't just our first time. It's my first time ever. I'm a virgin. I been savin' myself just for you."
"Whut you say, Mary Sue?"
"I said, I'm a virgin. One hunnert percent cherry. Just for you on our weddin' night."
"Yore a virgin?!" he asked somewhat shocked.
"That's right. Please be gentle."
"Gentle? Gentle my ass. I'm outta here!" With that, Billy Joe pulls up his pants, and leaves his virgin bride lying alone. He slams the door, gets in his pickup, and drives home.
"Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!"
"Huh? Billy Joe, whut the hell you doin' here? It's 3 am. on yore weddin' night! Why the hell ain't you and that purty new wife of yours in a haystack somewhere doing it like rabbits?"
"Paw, I wuz all set to do just that, when Mary Sue up and tells me that she's a virgin!"
"A virgin?!"
"That's right, Paw. One hunnert percent cherry. As soon as she told me, I got the hell outta there as fast as I could!"
"Well, son, lemme tell you, you did the right thing--'cuz if she ain't good enough fer her own fam'ly, she certainly ain't good enough for ours!"