"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."
 

The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you."

"OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go sell!"

The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you."

"OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!"

The third came in and said, "I-I-I wa-wa-wa-want t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi-Bi-Bi-Bibles, sell Bi-Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y-you, Bibles for you!"

"No," shouted the man, "this will never work! You can't sell Bibles for me!"

The applicant replied, "B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need th-this job!" As there were no other applicants, he man said, "OK, I'll give you one shot at this, but I expect you to PRODUCE!"

At the end of the day, the first applicant comes back and reports, "I sold eight Bibles today."

The second reports: "I sold eleven Bibles today. The third worker reports, "To-to-to-to t-t-today, I-I-I so-so, I so-, I so-, I so- I sold 28 Bi-Bi-B-Bibles!"

"Great," says the man. "However, I want you to sell lots more Bibles than that, so get out there tomorrow and MAKE ME SOME MONEY!"

At the end of the second day, the first worker comes in and reports, "Today, I sold 32 Bibles."

The second worker reports, "I sold 44 Bibles today."

The third worker reports, "To-to-to t-today, I-I-I so-so, I so-, I sold 79 Bi-Bi-Bi- sold 79, sold 79 Bibles."

"Fantastic;" said the man, "since you're doing so well, so much better than these other two bums, why don't you tell them what your sales technique is."

The third salesman replied, "I-I-I j-j-j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, wa, just wal-wa-wa-walk, just walk up to up to, up to, just walk up to them and and ask, them and ask, them and ask if th-th-th-th ask if they w-w-w-w-w- wa- ask if they want t-t-t-t-o-o- if they want to b--b-b-b-b, if they want to buy a Bi-Bi- want to buy a Bi-B--a-a-a Bi- buy a, to buy a Bi-Bi-Bible, or d-d-d-d-d do th-th-they, do they w-w-w-ant me to read it to 'em?"
 

"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figure out."

"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.

"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"

"Right."

"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Phillistines, right?"

"Er--right."

"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"

"Again you're right."

"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'Gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin'important, right?"

"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"

"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin' all that time?"
 

Once finished, I asked if she had any questions, and she replied, "Oh. I see. Is that when Mommy came to work for us, daddy?"

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"

"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."
 

The burglar quakes in fear and then freezes to the point that she is able to get to the phone and call 911 for the cops. When the cops arrive, the burglar is still frozen in place. They are very much surprised that a woman alone with no weapon could do this. One of them asked the lady, "How did you do this?"

The woman replied, "I quoted Scripture."

The cop turned the burglar, "What was it about the Scripture that had such an effect on you?"

The burglar replied, "Scripture! What Scripture? I thought she said she had an axe and two 38's."