He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground.

As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight.

Unfortunately, he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor. Dead.

The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shit.
 

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of Special High Intensity Teaching (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Students who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in Departmental Educational Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to Educational Attitude Training (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).

Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consultancy, we will refer you to the department of Managerial Operational Research Education (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes on how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Teaching, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
Boss In General, Special High Intensity Teaching (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
a.k.a: The Head Educator, Special High Intensity Teaching (T.H.E. S.H.I.T.)
 

Well, shit....

"Shit" may just be the most powerful word in the English language.

You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit, or decide to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits.

There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit, or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit, and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!

You could pass this along--if you give a shit.