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Artery: The study of paintings
Bacteria: Back door to the cafeteria
Barium: What you do when CPR fails
Benign: What you be after you be eight
Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y
Caesarean Section: A neighborhood near Rome
Cat Scan: 1) Searching for Kitty 2) What dogs do when they enter your yard
Cauterize: Made eye contact with the nurse
Colic: A sheep dog
Coma: A punctuation mark
Congenital: Friendly
D&C: Where Washington is located
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
GI Series: Baseball between teams of soldiers
Grippe: A suitcase
Hangnail: A coat hook
Impotent: Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff: A doctor's cane
Morbid: A higher offer
Nitrate: Cheaper than the day rate
Node: Was aware of
Outpatient: A person who has fainted
Pelvis: Cousin to Elvis
Post-operative: A letter carrier
Protein: In favor of young people
Recovery Room: Where you have your upholstery done
Rectum: Darn near killed him
Rheumatic Fever: Amorous feeling
Secretion: Hiding anything
Seizure: A Roman emperor
Tablet: A small table
Terminal Illness: Sick at the airport
Tibia: North African country
Tumor: An extra pair
Urine: Opposite of you're out
Varicose Veins: Veins which are very close together |
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DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room, or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly, you must sit as close as you can, look sad, and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end, and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume, and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in, and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your
eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating, it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
LEAN: Every good dogs's response to the command "sit!", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require--especially effective when combined with The Sniff. (See above.)
LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return. |
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Competitive Salary: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
Join Our Fast Paced Company: We have no time to train you.
Casual Work Atmosphere: We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.
Must Be Deadline Oriented: You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
Some Overtime Required: Some time each night, some time each weekend.
Duties will Vary: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
Must have an Eye for Detail: We have no quality control.
Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience: You will need to replace three people who just left.
Problem Solving Skills a Must: You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on.
Requires Team Leadership Skills: You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.
Good Communication Skills: Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it. |
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