Blonde Jokes - One Liners

1. A blonde and a brunette jump off of the Empire State building. Who lands first?
   The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
   
2. A blonde going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
   Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
   
3. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
   The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!" 
4. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
   "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
   
5. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
   
6. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun -- they just don't remember who with.
   
7. A guy asked his blonde wife, "How did you get the car into the living room?"
   "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
   
8. A guy's in bed with a blonde and asks her, "Do you smoke after sex?"
   She replies, "I don't know; I never looked."
   
9. A smart blonde, a dumb blonde, Santa Claus, and the Easter bunny were walking along when they saw $100. Who got the money? The dumb blonde because the other three don't exist.
10. (Asking a blonde) Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
    (Blonde answering: puts finger on chin) I don't know. (Hits forehead) Oh I get it!
    
11. Blonde #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
    Blonde #2: "No, who wrote it?"
    
12. Blondes: They taste great and don't leave crumbs in your bed.
    
13. Blondes...They take a lickin', and keep on...Lickin!
    
14. Boyfriend: "Why do you never scream my name when you come?"
    Blonde: "Because you're never there when it happens."
    
15. But why do brunettes take the pill ?
    Wishful Thinking.
    
16. Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
    
17. Did you hear about the abortion clinic that offers discounts to blondes?
    It has a one year waiting list!
    
18. Did you hear about the blonde bride that was so horny she carried a bouquet of batteries?
    
19. Did you hear about the blonde couple that was found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theatre?
    They went to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
    
20. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
    Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
    
21. Did you hear about the blonde doctor?
    She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.
    
22. Did you hear about the blonde guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
    He wanted to know who the other man was...
    
23. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
    She kept having affairs with men.
    
24. Did you hear about the blonde mom who kept an icepack on her chest to keep the milk fresh?
    
25. Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
    She missed the Earth!
    
26. Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
    The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
    
27. Did you hear about the blonde that ate mountain oysters?
    She was dragged 200 yards.
    
28. Did you hear about the blonde that died drinking milk?
    The cow fell on her.
    
29. Did you hear about the blonde that got pregnant for the second time?
    She asked her husband if they needed to get married again.
    
30. Did you hear about the blonde that liked the number 77?
    She likes to be 8 (ate) more.
    
31. Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
    She tied up the safe and blew the guard.
    
32. Did you hear about the blonde that said she would do anything for a fur coat?
    Well, now she can't button it (prego).
    
33. Did you hear about the blonde that was so stupid that she played third string at a car wash?
    
34. Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
    She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
35. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"?
    Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia...
    
36. Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 Leagues Under the sea?
    She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.
    
37. Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school?
    She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Maneuver.
38. Did you hear about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
    Her husband is out looking for the other man.
    
39. Did you hear about the blonde who had an appendix operation?
    Well, now she is making money on the side.
    
40. Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?
    She blew it both times!
    
41. Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an AM radio?
    It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
    
42. Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
    She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
    
43. Did you hear about the blonde who thought she discovered that she had a twin sister?
    She didn't realize she was looking in a mirror.
    
44. Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her boyfriend's car?
    She burned her mouth.
    
45. Did you hear about the blonde who was blind for ten years?
    It was really sad. One morning she just forgot to open her eyes.
    
46. Did you hear about the blonde who went hot air ballooning?
    She stepped to close to the campfire!
    
47. Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend say that he loved her?
    She believed him.
48. Did you hear about the blonde whose navel was surrounded by ugly bruises?
    Her boyfriend was blonde, too.
49. Did you hear about the blonde with a Masters degree in Psychology?
    She'll blow your mind, too.
50. Did you hear about the company that's hiring blondes?
    It's trying to lower its overhead.
51. Did you hear about the conceited blonde?
    She screams her own name when she comes.
52. Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum?
    She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences.
53. Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
    It's called MAIDS -- if the don't get one, they die.
54. Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
    They take off their makeup.
55. Did you hear about the new paint by Gidden that is coming out?
    It's called "Blonde" and the motto is "It's not to bright and it's easy to spread.
56. Did you hear about the new slogan for Miss Clairol's Hair Dye?
    Buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.
57. Did you hear about the scared blonde nurse down by the water?
    She won't go down on the doc.
58. Did you hear about the sophisticated blonde?
    She thought her period was French Provincial.
59. Did you hear about the suicide blonde?
    She dyed by her own hand.
60. Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ?
    It finally dawned on her.
61. Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
    She missed.
62. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
63. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
    "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
64. Do you hear about the blonde who woke up next to a guy in a baseball cap?
    She looked around bewildered and asked, "Where's the rest of the team?"
65. Do you know the brunette's mating call?
    Has the damned blonde left yet???
66. Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
    For throwing out the W's.
67. Do you know why the blonde tried to steal a police car?
    She saw '911' and thought that it was a Porsche.
68. Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths."Blonde: Yeth. And I'm not even thickteen yet
69. Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
    She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus
70. How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
    Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
71. How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
    Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
72. How can you tell blondes are so bias?
    They keep going, "Buy us this," "Buy us that."
73. How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
    By the chipped tooth.
74. How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
    By the lipstick on your cucumbers!
75. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
    She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
76. How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
    Blow in her ear, if she's a real blonde she starts to float!
77. How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
    A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
78. How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
    She has a checkbook.
79. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
    There's white-out on the screen.
    How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
    There's writing on the white-out.
80. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day?
    She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.
81. How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
    By the buckle print on her forehead.
82. How can you tell when a blonde is horny?
    Stick your hand down her panties. If it feels like a horse eating oats, she's horny.
83. How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
    When she farts, her knees bag.
84. How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
    She sneezes.
85. How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
    There is a stamp on it.
86. How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
    She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
87. How can you tell who is the blonde's boyfriend?
    He's the one with belt buckle that matches the impression her forehead.
    
88. How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
    She fell out of the tree.
89. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
    She fell out of the tree.
90. How did the blonde burn her nose?
    Bobbing for French fries.
91. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
    The cow fell on her.
92. How did the blonde die ice fishing?
    She was run over by the zamboni machine.
93. How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
    By throwing it off of a cliff.
94. How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
    By drowning it.
95. How do blonde brain cells die?
    Alone.
96. How do blondes pierce their ears?
    They put tacks in their shoulder pads!
97. How do blondes spell 'farm?
    'E-I-E-I-O!!!!
98. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
    Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
99. How do you brainwash a blonde?
    Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
100. How do you change a blonde's mind?
     Blow in her ear. or Buy her another beer.
101. How do you confuse a blonde?
     Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. or You don't. They're born that way.
102. How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
     Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
103. How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
     Flattered.
104. How do you describe the perfect blonde?
     4 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
105. How do you drive a blonde crazy?
     Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
106. How do you drown a blond?
     Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. or Don't tell her to swallow. or Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
107. How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
     Come.
108. How do you get a blonde pregnant?
     Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
109. How do you get a blonde to be quiet?
     Just say to her: "A penny for your thoughts."
110. How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
     Tell her that the drinks are on the house
111. How do you get a blonde to marry you?
     Tell her that she's pregnant.
112. How do you get a blonde's eyes to twinkle?
     Shine a torch in her ears!
113. How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
     Wave to her.
114. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
     Blow in her ear.
115. How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
     Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
116. How do you keep a blonde entertained indefinitely?
     Give her a 'Where's Waldo' book...
117. How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
     I'll tell you tomorrow.
118. How do you kill a blonde?
     Put spikes in their shoulder pads!
119. How do you know a blond likes you?
     She has sex with you two nights in a row.
120. How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
     Her crayons are still sticky.
121. How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
     You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
122. How do you know whether or not the blonde you slept with last night gave you a good blow-job?
     The sheets are sucked up your ass.
123. How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings?
     Tell them a joke on Friday night !
124. How do you make a blonde confused?
     Hand her a bag of M&Ms and ask her to alphabetize them.
125. How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
     Tell them a joke on Friday night.
126. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
     Shine a flashlight in her ear!
127. How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
     Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
128. How do you paralyze a blonde from the neck down?
     Marry her.
129. How do you plant dope?
     Bury a blonde.
130. How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
     The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
131. How do you tell the difference between a smart blonde and a dumb blonde
     ?Wait a minute: I forgot. (This note only works if a blonde tells it)
132. How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
     She drops her nail-file! or Who cares? or She says, "Next". or The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. or He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.or I mean, who really cares? or The batteries have run out.
133. How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style?
     She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over and beg.
134. How does a blonde commit suicide?
     She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
135. How does a blonde get pregnant?
     And I thought blondes were dumb!
136. How does a blonde high-five?
     She smacks herself in the forehead!
137. How does a blonde hold her liquor?
     By the ears.
138. How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
     69 interrupted by a period.
139. How does a blonde kill a fish?
     She drowns it.
140. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
     Fertilized!
141. How does a blonde like her eggs?
     Unfertilized!
142. How does a blonde moonwalk?
     She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor.
143. How does a blonde part their hair?
     (Action of scissoring legs apart) or By doing the splits.
144. How does a blonde prepare for safe sex?
     She puts on rubber based lipstick.
145. How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
     She opens the car door.
146. How does a horny guy spell relief?
     B-L-O-N-D-E!!!
147. How does a psychic refer to a blonde?
     Light reading.
148. How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
     She opens the car door.
149. How does the blonde car pool work?
     They all meet at work at 7:45.
150. How is a blonde like a frying pan?
     You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
151. How is a blonde like a Hairdryer?
     Turn her on and she starts to blow.
152. How is a blonde like a Light Switch?
     Even a six year old can turn her on.
153. How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
     You lick'em, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
154. How is a blonde like a Vaccum Cleaner?
     Turn her on and she starts to suck.
155. How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
     They spread for the bread.
156. How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
     Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
157. How many blondes does it take to make a smart blonde?
     It can't be done!
158. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
     10 One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. or Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. or Two. One to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
159. How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
     One.
160. How many blondes does it take to play tag?
     One.
161. How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
     Three, one to get the bulb, one to get a chair,and one to get a man. or One to screw it in and then the world revolves around her. or "What's a lightbulb?" or "What was the question again?" or Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daddy!" or One, but it's a pretty dim bulb. or None, Blondes screw in corvettes, not in lightbulbs.
162. How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
     Just One... Boomer Esiason. (circa 1991)
163. How many brunettes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
     Two, but they have to be really, really small to fit in a light bulb.
164. How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
     Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry! 
165. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
     She told me she didn't know how to cook them. 
166. If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
     The brunette. The blonde is such an air head.
167. If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
     The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
168. Imitation of a blonde refueling.. (Flap hand, blowing air into ears) 
169. Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to screw her brains out.
     Then I realized I was too late.
170. Male Secretary: "Feel free to use my dictaphone."
     New Blonde Employee: "No thanks, I'll just use my finger like everyone else.   
171. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
     The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. or None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
172. Someone asked a blonde if she believed in smoking."Yes, I've seen it done." 
173. That is the definition of the perfect woman?
     A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
174. There was a blonde and a brunette who were about to commit suicide.They both jumped off of a tall building and, a couple of seconds later, the brunette hit the pavement, but not the blonde. What happened to her?
     She got lost.  
175. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions Served -- just today"
176.  This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend,
     "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?" 
177. To a blonde, what is long and hard?
     Grade 4.
178. What are the four conditions for the perfect blonde?
     4 feet tall, no teeth, a flat head to rest your beer on, and she turns into a pizza after midnight.
179. What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
     Third Grade.
180. What can save a dying blonde?
     Hair transplants.
181. What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
     A thought.
182. What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute and her four blonde friends?
     Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
183. What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him?
     "Funny, you don't feel Jewish." 
184. What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress when reading her nametag?
     "Debbie...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
185. What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
     She peed on her corn flakes.
186. What did the blonde do when she got her first period?
     Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.
187. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
     She moved.
188. What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
     She stopped sucking.
189. What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
     She turned it over and used the other side.
190. What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
     Nail polish!
191. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
     Spot.
192. What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
     She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
193. What did the blonde say during a porno?
     "There I am!"
194. What did the blonde say to the physicist?
     "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
195. What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz?
     '"No, but I've been swung around by the tits."
196. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
     "Are you sure it's mine?"
197. What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
     It's OK daddy. I'm not hurt.
198. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
     "Oh, look!" "Donut seeds!"
199. What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
     "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)
200. What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the delivery room?
     I'm not going to suck anything *that* small.
201. What did the blonde say when she woke up under a cow?
     What are you guys still doing here?
202. What did the blonde think of her new computer?
     She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
203. What did the blonde think of the new computer?
     She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
204. What did the blonde yell during the emergency?
     What's the number for 911?
205. What did the blonde's dentist find?
     Teeth in the cavity.
206. What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
     If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
207. What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
     Nothing. They've never met.
208. What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade" was composed by Rimsky-Korsakov?
     "Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!
209. What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
     "Thanks for the refill."
210. What did you name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
     Retardo.
211. What do a blonde and a bowling ball have in common?
     Chances are they'll both end up in up in the gutter!
212. What do a blonde and a burnt out light bulb have in common?
     One's just as bright as the other!
213. What do a blonde and a good beer have in common?
     They both go down easy.
214. What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
     All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
215. What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
     They both got screwed by 10 men whilst on holiday.
216. What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
     You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
217. What do a blonde reading a book and people in a silent movie have in common?
     Their lips are moving but no sound is coming out!
218. What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
     You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter, and they'll always come back.
219. What do a moped and a blond have in common?
     They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
220. What do blonde virgins eat?
     Baby food.
221. What do blondes and cow-patties have in common?
     They both get easier to pick-up with age!
222. What do blondes and McDonald's have in common?
     Over five billion served!
223. What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
     They both wriggle when you eat them!
224. What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
     They pull up their pants.
225. What do blondes do for foreplay?
     Remove their underwear.Remove their pantyhose
226. What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
     Pack their lunch and send them to work!
227. What do blondes say after sex?
     "Thanks, guys!" or "Are you boys all in the same band?" or "Do you guys all play for the [insert team name here]?" or "Who were all those guys?"
228. What do call a smart blonde?
     A golden retriever or A labrador or An indicator of a really bad hangover.
229. What do Darren Millane (Collingwood football player killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
     Put either of 'em in a car and they're screwed.
230. What do members of a good basketball team playing a bad basketball team have in common with a roomful of men and a blonde?
     Everybody scores!!!
231. What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
     They both have black roots!
232. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
     You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
233. What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
     Air pockets.
234. What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
     Wind tunnel.
235. What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
     A dope ring.
236. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
     Frosted flakes.
237. What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner?
     f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!
238. What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
     An air mattress.
239. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
     A whine cellar.
240. What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
     An air bag.
241. What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head?
     Sweet Fuck All...
242. What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
     A mental block!
243. What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
     A foursome.
244. What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
     A branch manager.
245. What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
     A visitor.
246. What do you call a blonde lesbian?
     A waste.
247. What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
     A cherry float.
248. What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
     Last year's hide-and-seek champ.
249. What do you call a blonde that just won the lottery?
     Easy money!!!
250. What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
     A brunette with bad breath.
251. What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
     Rebel without a clue.
252. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
     Pregnant.
253. What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
     Divorced.
254. What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
     Sweet Fuck All...
255. What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
     All you can eat under a buck!
256. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
     Full.
257. What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS
     ?A know-it-all bitch.
258. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
     Gifted!!!
259. What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
     Pregnant.
260. What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
     Divorced.
261. What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
     You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
262. What do you call a brunette and two blondes standing on a corner?
     Regular price, four bucks, four bucks
263. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
     An interpreter!
264. What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in an large empty area?
     A vacant lot.
265. What do you call a bunch of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
     A wine and cheese party!
266. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
     An air bag.
267. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
     A space invader.
268. What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
     Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
269. What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
     A whine and cheese party!
270. What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
     Last years hide and go seek winner.
271. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
     Frosted Flakes or Bobbing for Bimbos.
272. What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?
     A brain tumor.
273. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
     A divorcee.
274. What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
     Air bubbles.An air pocket.
275. What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen?
     Far-from-thinkin.
276. What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
     Artificial intelligence.
277. What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
     A vacant possession.
278. What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
     Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
279. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
     Pull the pin and throw it back.
280. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
     Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
281. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
     Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
282. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
     I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do. or Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.
283. What do you get when you cross a blonde with a brunette?
     Artificial Intelligence!!!
284. What do you get when you cross and elephant with a blonde?
     A 3 1/2 ton pickup.
285. What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
     Change.
286. What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
     Two brunettes.
287. What do you give the blonde that has everything?
     Penicillin
288. What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
     "Have another beer."
289. What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
     Nice tits!
290. What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
     The back of her head.
291. What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
     "Space. The final frontier......"
292. What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
     They're both empty from the neck out!
293. What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
     They're both stuck up c*nts.
294. What does a blonde answer to the question
     "Are you sexually active?""No, I just lie there."
295. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
     She picks up her purse and goes home.
296. What does a blonde make best for dinner?
     Reservations.
297. What does a blonde owl say?
     What, what?
298. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
     Her ankles.
299. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
     Way to go team!
300. What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
     "Thanks for the refill!"
301. What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
     "Gee, are you sure it's mine?"
302. What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
     It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
303. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
     Thanks for the refill.
304. What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
     An Italian suppository.
305. What does a blonde wear around her neck to attract men?
     Her ankles.
306. What does a car fatality and a blonde have in common?
     Put either in a car and they're fucked.
307. What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
     They both have a black box. or Both have a cockpit.
308. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
     The more you bang it, the loser it gets!
309. What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
     They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.
310. What does the postcard from a blond's vacation say?
     Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
311. What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
     A blonde going through a flashing red light.
312. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
     She slipped off and fell down the drain.
313. What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
     Her IQ goes up!
314. What has an IQ of 7?
     8 blondes.
315. What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
     Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
316. What is 68 to a blonde?
     When she goes down on you and you owe her one.
317. What is 74 to a blonde?
     69 plus GST!
318. What is a bellybutton for?
     It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.
319. What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
     She's trying to hold on to a thought.
320. What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
     The Air Pump!
321. What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
     Pubic hair.
322. What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
     A padded dash.
323. What is a blonde's only complaint about oral sex?
     The lousy view.
324. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
     Perri-air.
325. What is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?
     A prostitoad.
326. What is blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, ....?
     A blonde doing cartwheels.
327. What is every blonde's ambition in life?
     To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
328. What is foreplay for a blonde?
     Thirty minutes of begging.
329. What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
     Data transfer.
330. What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
     One that never misses a period.
331. What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
     Trying to hold on to a thought.
332. What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
     She can't say 'No.'
333. What is the blonde's favorite battery?
     Ever-ready.
334. What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
     Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
335. What is the brunette's mating call?
     When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
336. What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
     They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
337. What is the definition of "fu** off"?
     The final round of an all blonde beauty contest.
338. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
     144 blondes.
339. What is the definition of the perfect woman?
     A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
340. What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
     Not everyone has been in a 747
341. What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
     A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
342. What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
     They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
343. What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
     Not everyone has been in a 747.
344. What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
     You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. or You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball. orThere is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke. or You don't eat your bowling ball
345. What is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
     Prostitutes don't drive Ferraris.
346. What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
     A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
347. What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
     A shower has to be turned on to get wet.
348. What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
     A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
349. What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
     About 2 cans of hair spray.
350. What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
     The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
351. What is the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
     They know how many men went down on the Titanic!
352. What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
     He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.
353. What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead animal (fill in type) /brunette/etc. in the road?
     There are skid marks in front of the animal/brunette.
354. What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
     Vaseline and Poli-Grip.
355. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
     Bigfoot has been spotted!
356. What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
     Some traffic signs say stop.
357. What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
     Butter is difficult to spread.
358. What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
     Elvis has been sighted.
359. What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons?
     You can also sit upright in a car.
360. What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
     The Blonde! or The other guys waiting their turn.
361. What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
     (Screaming) I said: I'm drunk!
362. What is the most difficult thing to teach a blonde?
     To count to twenty-eight. (Cycle of a period).
363. What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
     Bucket seats!
364. What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
     Proofreading.
365. What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
     B.J.
366. What sound does a blonde going through a flashing red light make?
     Screech. Vrrmmm. Screech. Vrmmm.
367. What the difference between a blonde and a dog whining on a porch?
     The dog stops whining when you let it in.
368. What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
     Her feet!
369. What was the blonde psychic's gretest achievement?
     An IN-body experience!
370. What will she ask you when you tell her that she's pregnant?
     "Is it mine?"
371. What's a blonde doing when she's gasping for air?
     Collecting her thoughts.
372. What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
     Humpme Dumpme!
373. What's a blonde's favorite rock group?
     Air Supply
374. What's a blonde's favorite saying?
     'I don't know'
375. What's a blonde's favorite wine?
     "Daddy! I want to go to Miami!"
376. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
     Locking the car door.Putting the car in park.
377. What's a blonde's mating call?
     I'm drunk! Someone take me home!
378. What's a brunette that smells bad?
     A blonde upside down.
379. What's a brunette's mating call?
     When is that blonde bitch going to leave? or All the blondes have gone home!
380. What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
     A blonde electrician.
381. What's brown and red and black and blue?
     A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
382. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
     A blonde parade.
383. What's similar about the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and a smart blonde?
     None of them exist.
384. What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
     A hundred dollar bill.
385. What's the blonde's cheer?
     "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B-L-O-N..., ah, oh, well... I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea, yea, yea..."
386. What's the definition of a metallurgist?
     A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.
387. What's the definition of eternity?
     Four blondes at a four way stop.
388. What's the difference between a blonde and a bitch?
     A blonde will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you.
389. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
     You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
390. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
     When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining. or A brick doesn't follow you around after it's been laid.
391. What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
     Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
392. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
     You only have to punch information into a computer once. or If a computer goes down on you it's a bad thing.
393. What's the difference between a blonde and a government bond?
     The bond matures eventually.
394. What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
     The blonde has the higher sperm count.
395. What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
     The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
396. What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
     Not everybody has been in a limo.
397. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
     When you slap the mosquito it stops sucking.
398. What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
     You need a quarter to use the phone.Only one person can use the phone at once.
399. What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
     In the morning a rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-dooo," while a blonde says, "Any cock'll doooo."
400. What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket cart?
     The supermarket cart has a mind of its own.
401. What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
     It costs $.30 to use a telephone!
402. What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
     You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
403. What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
     You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!
404. What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
     One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.
405. What's the difference between a blonde and an ice cream cone?
     Ice cream cones don't lick back.
406. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
     It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
407. What's the difference between a blonde and and a guy?
     The blonde guy has a higher sperm count!
408. What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
     He knows who the ten men were.
409. What's the difference between a blonde and the mumps?
     Not everyone's had the mumps.
410. What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
     The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
411. What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez and Panama Canals?
     One's a busy ditch.
412. What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
     Your job still sucks after six months.
413. What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
     You can negotiate with a terrorist!
414. What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
     One's a bunch of cunning runts and the other's...not.
415. What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
     A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
416. What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a blonde with diarrhea?
     One shucks between fits.
417. What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
     One's a phony buck.
418. What's the difference between a lesbian finger-f**king a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
     One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
419. What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
     Lipstick.
420. What's the difference between a Porsche and a blonde?
     You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
421. What's the difference between a toothbrush and a blonde?
     You don't let your best friend use your toothbrush.
422. What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?
     The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
423. What's the difference between a turtle on its back and a blonde on her's?
     Nothing. They're both screwed.
424. What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-O?
     Jell-O wiggles when you eat it.
425. What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
     A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
426. What's the difference between the following two sounds: A punctured balloon and a blonde with a hole in her head?
     None.
427. What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
     Marriage.
428. What's the fastest way to get a blonde pregnant?
     Take her to the petting zoo.
429. What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
     Opens the car door.
430. What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
     Introduces themself. or Walks home.
431. What's the first thing a blonde does when you pick her up for a date?
     She heads for the backseat of your car!
432. What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
     "Thanks, guys..."
433. What's the first thing a blonde/sorority girl does in the morning?
     Introduce herself and walk home!
434. What's the mating call of the redhead?
     "Next!"
435. What's the quickest way to get into a blonde's pants?
     Pick them up off the floor and put them on.
436. What's the ultimate embarassment for a blonde?
     When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector.
437. What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
     Clitty litter.
438. Whats the difference between A fridge and a fanny?
     A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.
439. Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
     You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
440. Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Trolley.
     A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
441. When does a brunette have half a brain?
     After a dye job.
442. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
     When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
443. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
     The vegetable garden.
444. Why are all blonde jokes one-liners?
     So brunettes can understand them!!!
445. Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
     Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
446. Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
     Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
447. Why are blondes like corn flakes?
     Because they're simple, easy, and they taste good.
448. Why are blondes like pianos?
     When they aren't upright, they're grand.
449. Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
     Who cares?
450. Why are blondes so happy?
     Ignorance is bliss.
451. Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
     Who cares?
452. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
     So brunettes can remember them. or Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit. or So men can understand them.
453. Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
     The rest are hunt'n peckers.
454. Why are there lip stick stains on the sterring wheel after a blonde drives a car?
     Because she blows the horn.
455. Why are there no dumb brunettes?
     Peroxide.
456. Why aren't blondes good at water-skiing?
     When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.
457. Why aren't blondes good cattle-herders/cowboys?
     They can't even keep their own two calves together!
458. Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
     Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
459. Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
     They can't keep their calves together!
460. Why can't blondes count to 70?
     Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
461. Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
     They always forget the recipe.
462. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
     They keep breaking them with the hammers.
463. Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
     She didn't know what ONE came first...
464. Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
     They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
465. Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
     They heard under seventeen weren't admitted!!!
466. Why did God create blondes?
     Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
     Why did God create brunettes?
     Neither could the blondes.
467. Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
     Because he didn't want them shi**ing in the streets during parades.
468. Why did she finally pass her test?
     She took the examiner with her
469. Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ?
     She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.
470. Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 1/2 days?
     The recipe said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
471. Why did the blonde become a Muslim?
     She thought: "What the hell? I'm on my knees all the time anyway."
472. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
     She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
473. Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
     To see what was on the other side.
474. Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
     She heard that the drinks were on the house.
475. Why did the blonde cross the road?
     She wanted to see the geese because she heard honking!
476. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
     To turn the blinker off.
477. Why did the blonde dye her hair red?
     Instant intelligence!
478. Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
     Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
479. Why did the blonde fail her drivers license?
     She wasn't used to the front seat!
480. Why did the blonde finally pass her driver's test?
     She took the examiner with her.
481. Why did the Blonde get fired at the M & M factory?
     Becasue she threw out all the W's.
482. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
     Because on the box it said 'From 2-4 Years.'
483. Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex?
     She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.
484. Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
     The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
485. Why did the blonde go halfway to Norway and then turn around and come home?
     It took her that long to discover that a 14" Viking was a television.
486. Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
     Because her boyfriend was also blond!
487. Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
     From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
488. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
     From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
489. Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
     In case she locks the keys in her car.
490. Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
     Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
491. Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
     So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
492. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
     The noise gave her a headache.
493. Why did the blonde return her TV set?
     She couldn't get the English Channel.
494. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
     To see what was on the other side.
495. Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
     To see what was on the other side.
496. Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
     She realized she gave her last blowjob.
497. Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
     She thought it was diet coke.
498. Why did the blonde stare at the carton of Orange Juice?
     It said 'concentrate'
499. Why did the blonde stop having kids after three?
     She read that 1 out of every 4 are Chinese.
500. Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
     Because it kept falling out.
501. Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
     She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
502. Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
     She wanted to go on a round trip.
503. Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
     So her male would get delivered to the right box.
504. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
     So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
505. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
     She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
506. Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
     Because she loved children.
507. Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
     So she wouldn't get Hearing Aids.
508. Why did the blonde with a big vagina douche with crest?
     She heard that it reduces cavities.
509. Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
     So she could lip read!
510. Why did they call the blonde 'twinkie?'
     She like to be filled with cream.
511. Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
     Too many blondes were drowning.
512. Why didn't the blonde change her tire?
     It was only flat on one side.
513. Why didn't the blonde go in the building?
     She heard it was four stories and she didn't like to read.
514. Why didn't the blonde go to the movies on buck night?
     Because she couldn't fit the deer into her car!
515. Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
     She'd just dyed her hair. or She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
516. Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
     Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
517. Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
     Who cares?
518. Why do blonde's drive VWs?
     Because they can't spell Porsche
519. Why do blonde's wear shoulder pads?
     To protect their head when saying 'I don't know' (This joke requires that special visual element)
520. Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
     They always forget what comes after the 9 in 911.
521. Why do blondes always drink with straws?
     Practice.
522. Why do blondes drive BMWs?
     Because they can spell it.
523. Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
     More leg room!
524. Why do blondes find it difficult to get married?
     Because men don't have to marry them for sex.
525. Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
     They have to pull their own pants down.
526. Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
     Because that's what they train for all their lives.
527. Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
     They're too hard to peel.
528. Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
     From dating blonde men.
529. Why do blondes have legs?
     So they don't get stuck to the ground. or To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. or So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
530. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
     From eating with forks.
531. Why do blondes have more fun?
     Because they don't know any better. or They are easier to keep amused. or Because they are easier to find in the dark.
532. Why do blondes have orgasms?
     So then know when to stop having sex.
533. Why do blondes have periods?
     They deserve them.
534. Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
     So they know if it is morning or afternoon. or So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
535. Why do blondes have square breasts?
     Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
536. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
     Tits Go In Front.
537. Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
     Toes go in first.
538. Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
     So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo. or So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
539. Why do blondes have vaginas?
     So guys will talk to them at parties.
540. Why do blondes like Christmas?
     It's the only time they can get gifts without having to lay on their backs!
541. Why do blondes like lightning?
     They think someone is taking their picture.
542. Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
     Because they can spell it.
543. Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
     More head-room.
544. Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
     Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.
545. Why do blondes prefer electric lawnmowers?
     So they can find their way back to the house!
546. Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
     To cover up the valve stem.
547. Why do blondes take the pill?
     So they know what day of the week it is.
548. Why do blondes use tampons with extra long strings?
     So the crabs can go bungee jumping.
549. Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens?
     They couldn't find their eraser.
550. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
     Because, that's where you're supposed to wash your vegetables!
551. Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
     To avoid the draft.
552. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
     Because red means stop!
553. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
     They have to have some place to rest their ankles! or To put their feet through.
554. Why do blondes wear ponytails?
     So people won't see the valve on their head.
555. Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
     Because red means, 'Stop! Wrong hole.'
556. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
     (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno! or To keep from bruising their ears.
557. Why do blondes wear tampons?
     Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
558. Why do blondes wear their hair up?
     To catch everything that goes over their heads.
559. Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
     To keep their legs together.
560. Why do blondes wear underwear?
     They make good anklewarmers!
561. Why do blondes work seven days a week?
     So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
562. Why do men like blonde jokes?
     Because they can understand them.
563. Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
     To keep her ankles warm.To keep her neck warm
564. Why does a blonde insist on a having a guy wearing a condom?
     So she can have a doggie bag for later.
565. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
     Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
566. Why does Captain Kirk prefer blondes?
     Space...the final frontier...
567. Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
     They're doing research on black holes.
568. Why does telling a blonde to alphebetize M&Ms confuse her?
     "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
569. Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
     She loves having her picture taken.
570. Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her butt when she stands?
     Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.
571. Why don't blondes breast feed?
     Because they always burn their nipples.
572. Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
     They can't remember the number. or She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
573. Why don't blondes double recipes?
     The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
574. Why don't blondes eat bananas?
     They can't find the zipper! or They can't find the pull tab!
575. Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
     They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages!
576. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
     Because they can't get their head in the jar!
577. Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
     They don't know the route.
578. Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
     Cause their balls show!
579. Why don't blondes like anal sex?
     They don`t like their brains being screwed with.
580. Why don't blondes like audio-books?
     There aren't any pictures.
581. Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
     Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
582. Why don't blondes like the S.A.T.?
     It's too difficult to spell.
583. Why don't blondes like to be wined and dined?
     They don't like to listen to other people's problems.
584. Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
     They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
585. Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
     Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers. or Their mothers told them not with there mouths full.
586. Why don't blondes use vibrators?
     They chip their teeth.
587. Why don't blonds breastfeed their babies?
     It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
588. Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
     Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
589. Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?
     Because at 69 they blow a rod...
590. Why is a blonde like a door knob?
     Everybody gets a turn!
591. Why is a blonde like a turtle?
     They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
592. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
     They both drip when they're screwed.
593. Why is a blonde like Australia?
     They're both down under, and no one cares.
594. Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
     Because she's been laid all over the country!
595. Why is a blonde similar to an ironing board?
     I could never close the legs of an ironing board either.
596. Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
     Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!
597. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
     You can park in the handicap zone.
598. Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
     They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
599. Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
     It swells at night.
600. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
     It takes to long too retrain them!
601. Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
     She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.
602. Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
     She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
603. Why was the blonde saving burnt out lightbulbs?
     For the darkroom she was building.
604. Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
     Because she got an F in sex.
605. Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
     She was having sunny periods.
606. Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
     She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children.
607. Why were shopping carts invented?
     To help blondes learn to walk upright.
608. Why will a blonde laugh at a joke three times?
     Once when you tell it, one when you tell her the punchline, and once when she gets it.
609. Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?
     She's afraid to get sand in her Busch.
610. Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
     They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
611. Why'd the blonde bury her driver's license?
     Because it had expired!
612. Why'd the blonde faint?
     She forgot to breathe.