1.Has his own show for advertising his campaign
2.Unlike Clinton, Dave doesn't have a wife that wants his job
3.Unlike Dole, Dave wasn't alive during the first administration
4.With his mom's help, Dave can show visiting dignitaries a good time
5.He can fly a F-18 better than Clinton or Dole
6.With the help of the excutives at CBS, Dave would be able to kiss Congress's ass better than any one
7.Forget the sax, Dave has his own band
8.Forget Socks, Dave has stupid pet tricks
9.Do you really think Dole can stay up until 11:30
10.David Letterman is the most powerful man in American broadcasting
11.He already has cigars for his victory dance for when the fat lady sings
12.Dave. . . it's not just a name, it's an attitude
13.Niether Clinton or Dole could have done a better job hosting the Academy Adwards than Dave. . . and you want one of them to be your President
14.The only thing lower than Dole's points in the polls are the odds that O.J. Simpson is actually innocent
15.Do you really want a President who doesn't "inhale"
16.You know, this must be a very special week for Dole; not only did he celebrate a birthday, but he can now say that he has seen 100 years of Olympics
17.Between Dave, Clinton, and Dole, Dave is the smartest one of all; he's the only one not running for President
18.When Dave refers to White Water he only means rafting
19.Camp David. . . David Letterman. . . a coincidence? You be the judge
20.His running mate, Manny the Hippie, can spell potato
21.Dave will introduce the Press Cam to those boring televised presidential speeches
22.Just think of all the things Dave could have the Secret Service throw out the White House window
23.Dave will pass new laws ending poverty, drug use, murder, and the worse crime of all. . . NBC
24.He would introduce a new segment: Stupid Kennedy Tricks
25.Dave is swag
What the hell is "swag"?!?
26.Finally, we could have a State of the Union Address that the nation will actually listen to
27.Since Dave's other possible running mate, Paul Shaffer, is actually from Canada, maybe we can finally pull some strings to make it the 51st state
28.Getting Dave into the White House would get him off the roads in New York
29.When meeting with Gorbechev, Dave could let him borrow his toupee
30.He could give Congress the Top Ten reasons for the deportation of Regis and Kathy Lee
31.Dave, when confronted with an international crisis, could Marcerana foreign leaders into compliance
32.What can I say, Dole was almost eaten by a dinosaur
33.Dave doesn't need million dollar computers to launch missels at Iraq, he can just use his cigar to lite 'em
. . .and for September
34.He turned CBS around so just think what he could do for our country