The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question, " What is bright red and shiny?"
Little Johnny jumped up and shouted, " A fire engine !!!!???"
"No! No!" said the teacher," But I like the way you think. Anyone else?"
Little Susan replied that it was an apple and the teacher was happy except Johnny of course (well he has to be otherwise there wouldn't be a punch line to this joke).
Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if he can ask a question to which she nodded OK. "What is long, hard, rounded and has hair at one end? "
"JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT TALK HERE..."
Johnny replied, " No, it's a toothbrush, but I like the way you think!

A travelling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"

A guy's walking down the street and sees Dirty Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke." Johnny looks up and doesn't >say anything. The guy says, "How old are you?"
Johnny says, "Six."
The guy says, "Six? When did you start smoking?"
Johnny says, "Right after the first time I got laid."
The guy says, "Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?"
Johnny says, "I don't remember. I was drunk."

Little Johnny was sitting in class and started waving his arm saying, "teacher!, teacher! I have to go pee!"
The teacher called Johnny to her desk and said, "Now Johnny, in this class we use proper wording, the correct word is urinate. You may go to the bathroom, but when you come back I want you to give me a sentence using the word urinate."
So Johnny goes down the hall to the bathroom and when he comes back the teacher says, "OK.k. Johnny, I want to hear your sentence now"
Little Johnny says," O.K., here goes---Urinate, but you'd be a ten if your tits were bigger"!!!!

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ?
Well," said the teacher neverously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No, the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you're thinking."

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."
Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'"

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bad and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about."
"Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple."
"No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy.
"Is it a peach?"
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally.
"A banana," she says.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra.
"Very good Johnny," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up his/her hand. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?" Still no one guesses.
"Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father.
"Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing. The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?" Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"

Little Johnny was in school one day when the teacher brought around cookies for snack time. "Here, Little Johnny, have a cookie."
"I don't fucking want one," declared Johnny.
The teacher was shocked. She called Little Johnny's mother and scheduled her to come in for a meeting the next day..
When Little Johnny's mother arrived, the teacher had her hide behind the curtain until snack time came around. As she came to Little Johnny, she again told him "Here Little Johnny. It's time for your cookie."
"I don't fucking want one," stated Little Johnny again.
The teacher pulled aside the curtain and said to his mother, "See? Did you hear what he said?"
"So don't fucking give him one," said Little Johnny's mother.

Little Johnny brought a box wrapped with a red ribbon, to school, as a present for his teacher. He handed it to her. She started to guess what was inside. "Chocolates?" she asked.
"Nope."
"A Cake?" Johnny shook his head No. Then the teacher noticed some liquid dripping from the corner of the box. She caught a few drops on her finger, put the finger in her mouth, then said, "Ah, I know-dill pickles."
"No," Johnny said, "it's a puppy."

Little Johnny was in a spelling bee in class. He had to spell the word and use it in a sentence. The teacher asked him to please spell the word "ear".
Little Johnny stood up and proudly said "E,A,R".
Then to use it in a sentence he pretended to take a big hit off a joint and then while pretending to have his lungs full of smoke he predended to pass the joint to little Suzy and said "Ear"

Little Johnny went out to the field for recreation period. One of the sixth grade girls asked him to come with her and play in the bushes. So Little Johnny went along with her. When they got into a small clearing in the bushes, she asked him:"let me see your peter".
Little Johnny responded: "What's a peter?".
She said: "Well if you don't know what a peter is, I don't want to play with you anymore".
After school, Little Johnny was quite shaken. His father came home from work. Little Johnny asked his dad "Dad, whats a peter?" .
His dad unziped his pants and pulled it out. He said: "Son, this is a peter, and its a PERFECT peter!".
Little Johnny went to school the next morning, and when break to recreation came around, he found the same young girl. He asked her: "Would you like to play in the bushes. I know what a peter is!".
She agreed, so they went back to the clearing in the bushes. Little Johnny unziped his pants and wipped it out. And he said "Now, This is a peter, and if it was an inch shorter it would be a PERFECT peter!!!".

The department store Santa has little Johnny on his lap and says to him, "I bet I know what you want for Christmas, little Johnny. You want some t-o-y-s, he says, touching Johnny's nose with his finger as he spells out the word toys.
"No, I've got plenty of toys." Replies Johnny.
"Then I bet you want some g-a-m-e-s!" replied Santa. "No, I've got all the games I want." came Johnny's reply.
"Well Johnny, you don't want any toys or games for Christmas, what do you want?" asked Santa.
"I want some p-u-s-s-y," Johnny replied, touching Santa's nose with each letter "And don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"

Christmas was coming up, and Dirty Johnny's parents asked him what he wanted. Dirty Johnny said "I want a fuckin' baseball." His parents are shocked at his language, and send him to his room. Next day, his parents ask him what he wants, and he says "I want a fuckin' toy truck." This keeps up as Christmas nears. On Christmas, his parents are fed up with him, and instead of gifts, they put piles of shit under the tree, one for every time he cussed. Johnny gets up, finds the shit, and looks all over for anything else, but can't find anything. His friend calls him up, and asks him what he got, and he says, "I haven't been able to find it yet, but I think I got a fuckin' puppy."

Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask him, "How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?"
He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o.k."
His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?"
Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."