You know you're a loser when you...

1. Tell stupid jokes and host "America's Funniest Home Videos".
   
   
2. Wear your orthidontic head gear to school
   
   
3. Have a Johnathan Taylor Thomas calander
   
   
4. Chat on your Starship Enterprise phone
   
   
5. Have more "cyberfriends" than normal friends
   
   
6. Are no longer a "cyber-virgin"
   
   
7. Wear a "Kurt Cobain 1967-1994" tee Shirt
   
   
8. Wear a shirt with the girls bathroom symbol plastered on the front, come on, I know you've seen them!
   
   
9. Argue with your friends which Green Day album is better: Dookie or Insomniac, which features the hit "Geek Stink Breath"
   
   
10. Know every word to "Ice Ice Baby" by the great Vanilla Ice
    
    
11. Waste your life reading fantasy novels with gnomes, dragons, hobbits, and the like.
    
    
12. Stay home on Friday night to watch the McNeil-Lehrer report, because your liberal teacher mentions that it is an interesting program
    
    
13. Discuss, with your "cyberfriends" the intricate workings of the Starship Enterpise
    
    
14. Have your first beer on your 21st Birthday
    
    
15. Remind a teacher that she forgot to give homework.
    
    
16. Make a website called humor, humor.
    
    
17. Reply to the question "Do you like Led Zeppelin?" by saying "He's allright."
    
    
18. Notice that all of your long-distance phone calls start with "900"
    
    
19. The "UFO Hotline" asks you to limit yourself to one call per day.
    
    
20. Actually call your doctor to find out more about Rogaine with Minoxodil.
    
    
21. Have a pocket protector protector and/or wear a sweatsuit to school
    
    
22. Believe in your heart that Silverchair and Bush AREN'T trying to imitate the great Pearl Jam.
    
    
23. Watch "90210" to find out if Kelly does Coke
    
    
24. You're a guy and you watch 90210 so you can talk about the show with girls
    
25. Have a bumper sticker that says, "My daughter is an honor student at Scarsdale elementary", or something stupid like that.
    
    
26. Watch Late-night Cinemax movies for the plot
    
27. Enjoy dancing the "Macarena"
    
28. Write "Bush rulez!" on your backpack
    
29. Your name is Mike Reddy
    
30. While engaged in hard-core drinking, you constantly leave 3 Oz. of beer in each bottle, and claim that it is "backwash"
    
31. You're white, and you wear one of those Bear Bubble Jackets, like Doug's Sister's boyfriend.
    
32. Sit at home on Saturday Night playing the Family Feud video game by yourself
    
33. Talk like the people from the movie "Clueless".
    
34. Are reading this.