Chapter 2
The Officers of SPORK


King: Aziz the Mutilator
One year before his birth, the Queen of SPORK was killed by Forks in a raid on the kingdom (hence his eternal hatred for Forks). Without any sons the King went to a pair of peasants, who were his friends and loyal fighters for the kingdom. The King told Barith and Misheella that their son would be King. A priest was brought and blessed Misheella, and in one year a child was born, he was named Aziz and sent to Earth. For ten years he lived his life as normal. On his tenth birthday he fell asleep in a house that gave away SPORKs. In his dream, Lem Dirt came to him and gave him his calling. He chose his general and began to enlist people into the legion. He became a warrior and master at both sword and staff and has won many battles. He completed apprenticeship at age twelve and took over as king at age fourteen. He wears the mark of his kingship behind his left ear and a battle scar from a tiger on his right side. Though he is only fifteen on Earth, in the land of the SPORK he is fully grown and has children of his own. He is feared by his enemies because of his lack of compassion for life, he is very cold and often condemns his captives to death in the dungeon in the care of his most trusted associate, Gurk the Garroter. He stands six foot nine inches tall and weighs two-hundred and seventy-five pounds and is regarded by his enemies as a force to be reckoned with. He was the first to conquer the Spoons but they are rebuilding, and he swears to conquer them fully before he surrenders the throne.

Visier: Gurk the Garroter
Little is known about this darker leader of the legion. He is known to be partly spawned of the Spam people, hence his unusual kinship with them. He is known to be very dangerous and extremely twisted. Like Aziz, he has no compassion or comfort for the lives of his victims, usually killing them in a wicked ritual of laughter in the company of Aziz the Mutilator. Because of his nationality in the world of Spam, his physical stature is enormous and he is a strong fighter, but he still prefers to sneak up on his victims and use his silver garrote which was given to him by an old man; the only life he has ever saved other than his brethren, the Spam. It was later reported that he saved the old man because he has loaded and afterwards he drug him into an alley and beat him senseless with a trash can lid to the consistency of lukewarm giblet gravy. He is rarely seen because he spends most of his spare time in the dungeon destroying and purging information from the enemies of the SPORK and Spam. He is loyal and is virtually the perfect hitman and leader in any kind of attack or raid against enemy fortresses. Losses are nothing to him as long as the job is completed. Only one man has survived his murderous rampage but his head is in a jar and is being kept alive by 187 machines of different size. His first Spambeast was his best friend, but it was killed by warriors of the Foon so he joined with the SPORKs to purge the world of the menace that is the Foon. His mission is not yet accomplished and it is not known if he intends to remain with the SPORK legion when it is completed.

Hannibal the Castrator
Hannibal grew up as a Spoon nobleman (being the son of the master general) At the age of eighteen years, Hannibal knew every Spoon war tactic, and maneuver. On a spy expedition against the SPORK, Hannibal was caught killing guards. He was taken prisoner and forced to run the gauntlet. Aziz, being away on a crusade, had just gotten back in time to see Hannibal stumble through the gauntlet and punch his current master general in the groin (thus the Castrator). Aziz thought that Hannibal had potential and figured that a trip to the Abyss to see Errtu would make him "see the light." At the end of his sentence, Hannibal exited the Abyss toting the lifeless corpse of Errtu in his arms. In Hannibals own words, "I saw a vision of a mighty relic laying waste to cities and obliterating civilizations. The next vision was Aziz holding the SPORK, I was at his side holding a halberd of the finest quality. Upon It's blade I saw the grim specter of the demon I had just murdered with my bare hands. At that moment I knew I was honored. I quickly converted." The next day Hannibal was thrown into the mortar shell pits. Amazingly he came out carrying three mortar shells and the severed head of the man pulling the trigger. At this point Aziz consulted the head mystic. The prophecy that he came up with said that this boy would be the life or death of the empire Aziz decided to give him three tests to find his worth. First Hannibal had to go back to the city of Spoons and bring back whatever he cared for the most. Hannibal came back from his quest unharmed In tow he had two women with him, his sister Ikira, a mechanist, and his chosen mate Kiala. A young SPORKman, thinking it funny, ran up and stabbed Kiala killing her. With one smooth movement Hannibal split the SPORKman's head with his bare fist. For some reason, he continued to beat the lifeless corpse until pulled off by ten men. The second test was to run through Magma's lair and steal a dragon's egg. Easily done. The third test was to test how powerful he really was, in battle versus the SPORK legion working his way up the ranks. He won every battle until he got to Aziz. Hannibal, being aware of his own mortality, quickly kneeled and laid down his axe. Aziz made a visit to Hannibal that day, giving him, as a prize, the body of Errtu and a shard of metal containing the beast's soul. By the next day Hannibal had forged one of the most powerful weapons in the SPORK empire. Hannibal and his sister were soon feared by all lower SPORKmen and became known for their bloodlust and cruelty. The dragon egg he had stolen became a fiery beast named FareDane, meaning "temper of the warrior".


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