Jokes Posted up to April 22, 1997

Computer Customer Service Humor

Some people should just stick to the typewriter . . .The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get her new computer to turn on. Jay Alblinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the woman what happened when she pushed the power button. "I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," the woman replied. "Foot pedal? the technician asked. "Yes," the woman said, "this little white foot pedal with the on switch." The "foot pedal," it turned out was the computer's mouse...

Seemingly simple computer features baffle some users. So many people have called to ask where the "Any" key is when "Press Any Key" flashes on the screen that Compaq is considering changing the command to "Press Return Key"...

Some people can't figure out the mouse. Tamra Engle, an AST technical support supervisor, says one customer complained that her mouse was hard to control with the "dust cover" on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. Dell technician Wayne Zieschang says one of his customers held the mouse and pointed it at the screen, all the while clicking madly...

Disk drives are another bugaboo. Compaq technician Brent Sullivan says a customer was having trouble reading wordprocessing files from his old diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, Mr. Sullivan asked what else was being done with the diskette. The customer's response: "I put a label on the diskette, roll it into the typewriter"...

At AST, another customer dutifully complied with a technician's request that she send in a copy of a defective floppy disk. A letter from the customer arrived a few days later, along with a Xerox copy of the floppy. And at Dell a technician advised a customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and "close the door." Asking the technician to "hold on," the customer put the phone down and was heard walking over to shut the door to his room...

The software inside the computer can be equally befuddling. Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key...

Computers make some people paranoid. A Dell technician, Morgan Vergara, says he once calmed a man who became enraged because "his computer had told him he was bad and an invalid." Mr. Vergara patiently explained that the computer's " bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally..

Tech. support: Can I help you? Customer: I'm having a problem installing the program. TS: What seems to be the problem? Cust: It's with the fourth disk. TS: OK - go on. Cust: I had a hard time getting the third one in - there's no way I'm going to be able to get the fourth disk in there.

The Best of the Worst Country Song Titles

Uncle Sam Took his Cut

A little boy needed $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to God requesting the money. When the postal authorities received the letter to GOD, USA, they decided to send it to president Clinton. The president was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy $5.00. Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read: Dear God, thank you very much for the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington and as usual, those dirty politicians deducted $95.00 off the top!

Armando's Top Ten Things to do at the Drive Thru

10. Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order
9. Go to McDonald's and ask for a McDLT. When told that they don't have them anymore, say "I think you should start stocking up a little more on McDLT's cause this is the fifth day in row that I have been told the same thing."
8. Go to Taco Bell with an old beat up cup and ask for a refill of Dr. Pepper.
7. When they hand you your food, hand them back a bag full of the trash out of your car and ask them if they can throw it away for you.
6. Go to McDonalds and ask for a beef meximelt. When they tell you that they don't have it, complain and say "Hey Cholo, what kind of fast food joint is this anyway? In the East L.A. everybody has beef meximelts."
5. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on.
4. Ask them why they don't have the menu in braille. Tell them you are suing for the unequal treatment of the visually challenged.
3. When asked if they can take your order say " No, why can I take yours?"
2. Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away.
1. Order a cup of water, two napkins, and lots of straws.

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