Answering Machines Messages

    1. Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a
       family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and
       whoever wins will call you right back.
   
    2. Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now, but if...
       Matt: Steve, what are you doing?
       Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.
       Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn.
       Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn.
       Matt: No, you're wrong. It's definitely my turn.
       Steve: You fool, I know it's... Wait... Matt... What are you doing
       with that frying pan? (BONK... THUD)
       Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and
       number.
     
    3. 1: Hi, you've reached Bob and Faisal's room.
       2: (Background:) What are you doing?
       1: I'm recording an answering machine message.
       2: But we're here right now.
       1: But we might not be here later.
       2: Oh. (To phone:) Leave a message.
       
    4. 1: Hey, would you get the phone?
       2: I got the phone last time. You get the phone!
       1: Well, I'm on the computer right now, so will you get it?
       2: I'm in the bathroom, and besides, you're closer anyway!
       1: Dammit Nicole, you always pull this crap when it's your turn to get it!
       2: Well, just let the answering machine get it then!
      
    5. This is Fred. We are not... Excuse me a moment, please. Put your
	       sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (Sound of window breaking.)
       Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later.
       
    6. Hello. I can't come to the phone now because -- HEY, GEORGE! DON'T
       STAND ON THAT! ...Goddamn... Because I've invited George and
       Barbara Bush over... (Loud music cuts in:) BARBARA! HEY! DON'T
       F**K WITH THAT! ...Over for dinner. After the tone... BARBARA,
       CALL YOUR DOG... MILLIE! DOWN GIRL! ...Sh*t... Leave a message
       after the tone...
     
    7. (Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy
	       pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques":)
       We're not here now,
       We're not here now,
       Don't hang up,
       Don't hang up,
       Leave your name and number,
       Leave your name and number,
       We'll call back,
       We'll call back.
       
    8. Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right
       now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah,
       yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out
       with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one
       else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the
       president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it.
     
    9. (Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the
       breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589
       are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave your
       name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you
       when the 453rd truce begins.

   10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll
       leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're
       finished.
      
   11. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
       right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya
       likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...
       real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our
       teeth we'll get back to you.
    
   12. Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and
       your favorite color of underwear. We'll get back to you if we like
       the color.
       
   13. (Woman, seductively:) Hi, I'm Linda. You know, it can be really
       lonely when you're a fashion model. Sometimes I just have to...
       (Interrupting:) Oh come on Linda, give me the damn phone... (Ask
       them to leave a message.)

   14. Oooooommmmmmmmmmm... (Heavy panting and breathing in the
       background), Oh! Sorry, I can't come (Oh! Yes! Do it to me) to the
       (Oh!) phone right now (pant pant), leave your name and number at
       the (scream, I'm gonna come!) orgasm.
       
   15. (Sexy, slow female voice:) oooOOOO, Greg's in... OOOOooo, Greg's
       out... ooooOOOOO, Greg's in... OOOoooo, Greg's out... ooooOOOOO,
       Greg's in... Humph, Greg's busy, you had better call back later...