No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.

Leakproof Seals- Will.

Self-Starters- Will Not.

Interchangeable Parts- Won't .

There Is Always One More Bug.

Nature Is A Mother.

If You’re Feeling Good, Don’t Worry, You’ll Get Over It.

All Warranties Expire Upon Payment Of Invoice.

Where You Stand On An Issue Depends On Where You Sit.

Friends Come And Go, But Enemies Accumulate.

If You Try To Please Everyone, Nobody Will Like It.

You Will Always Find Something In The Last Place You Looked.

Anything That Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong.

Every Solution Breeds New Problems.

You Will Remember That You Forgot To Take Out The Trash When The Garbage Truck Is Two Doors Away.

The Race Is Not Always To The Swift, Nor The Battle To The Strong, But That’s The Way To Bet.

When In Doubt, Mumble,. When In Trouble, Delegate.

Anything Good In Life Is Either Illegal, Immoral, Or Fattening.

It Is Morally Wrong To Allow Suckers To Keep Their Money.

Nature Always Sides With The Hidden Flaw.

A Bird In Hand Is Safer Than One Overhead.

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is The Headlamp Of An Oncoming Train.

Celibacy Is Not Hereditary.

Murphy’s Golden Rule: Whoever Has The Gold Makes The Rules.

Beauty Is Only Skin Deep, Ugly Goes To The Bone.

No Matter How Long You Shop For An Item, After You’ve Bought It, It Will Be On Sale For Cheaper.

No One’s Life, Liberty Or Property Are Safe While The Legislature Is In Session.

Anything You Try To Fix Will Take Longer And Cost More Than You Thought.

A $300.00 Picture Tube Will Protect A Ten Cent Fuse By Blowing First.

If It Jams- Force It. If It Breaks, It Needed Replacing Anyway.

Any Tool Dropped While Repairing A Car Will Roll Underneath To The Exact Center.

The Repairman Will Never Have Seen A Model Quite Like Yours Before.

A Pipe Gives A Wise Man Time To Think And A Fool Something To Stick In His Mouth.

When A Broken Appliance Is Demonstrated For The Repairman, It Will Work Perfectly.

Never Eat Yellow Snow.

Everyone Has A Scheme For Getting Rich That Will Not Work.

Never Play Leapfrog With A Unicorn.

A Smith & Wesson Beats Four Aces.

If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Obviously Don’t Know What The Hell Is Going On.

If More Than One Person Is Responsible For A Miscalculation, No One Will Be At Fault.

In Case Of Doubt, Sound Convincing.

Nothing Is As Easy As It Looks.

Never Argue With A Fool, People Might Not Know The Difference.

A Penny Saved Is Not Worth Very Much.

Living Well Is The Best Revenge.

The Chances Of Seeing Someone Who Knows You Are Dramatically Increased By Not Wanting To Be Seen.

Every Job Will Take Twice As Long As You Expect And Will Be Half As Lucrative.