How To Piss Off Other People
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17” paper, and 99 copies.
2. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
4. Insists on keeping your windsheild wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
5. Reply to everything someone says with “That’s what YOU think!”
6. Practice making fax and modem noises.
7. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
8. Make beeping noises whenever a large person backs up.
9. Finish all your sentences with the words, “...in accordance with prophecy.”
10. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
11. During important meetings, disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
12. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
13. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
14. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
15. Sing along at the opera.
16. While riding shotgun, read aloud every sign, billboard, and milemarker you drive by.
17. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “pschological profiles.”
18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
19. Sit in your front yard with your hair dryer, pointing it at passing motorists to see if they slow down.
20. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
21. Ask people what gender they are.
22. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, “No, wait, I messed it up,” and start over.
23. Publically investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking noise.”
24. Honk and wave to strangers.
25. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
26. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
27. type only in lowercase.
28. dont use no puncuation either
29. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
30. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
“Do you hear that?”
“What?”
“Never mind, it’s gone now.”