aha a new top-page test ;) So I got this quiz in my email. Not quite sure what to make of it yet but here it is: Apparently Dr. Phil from Oprah gives this test. And apparently HR people at some major corporations give it out also. I think that's getting a little too personal if your HR director wants to know if you're a morning person or not but that's just me. Anyway when you get the email of this quiz you're supposed to forward it with your score as the subject. Duh, don't peek and all that. Answer it for the way you are now, not the way you used to be or the way you want to be. Ready?

1. When do you feel your best?
   a) in the morning
   b) afternoon/early evening
   c) late at night
2. You usually walk:
   a) fairly fast, with long steps
   b) fairly fast with little steps
   c) less fast head up, looking everybody in the face
   d) less fast, head down
   e) very slowly
3. When talking to people, you:
   a) stand with arms folded
   b) have your hands clasped
   c) have one or both hands on hips
   d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
   e) play with your ear, touch your chin or smooth your hair
4. When relaxing, you sit with
   a) your knees bent and legs neatly closed
   b) your legs crossed
   c) your legs stretched out or straight
   d) one leg curled under you
5. When something really amuses you, you react with
   a) a big appreciative laugh
   b) a not so loud laugh
   c) a quiet chuckle
   d) a sheepish smile
6. When you go to a party or social gathering you
   a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
   b) make a quiet entrance, looking for people you know
   c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed
7. While working very hard and concentrating, you're interrupted. Do you
   a) welcome the break?
   b) feel extremely irritated?
   c) vary between these two extremes
8. Which of the following colors do you like the most?
   a) Red or orange
   b) black
   c) yellow or light blue
   d) green
   e) dark blue or purple
   f) white
   g) brown or gray
9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before falling asleep, you lie
   a) stretched out on your back
   b) stretched out on your stomach
   c) on your side, slightly curled
   d) with your head on one arm
   e) with your head under the covers
10. You often dream that you are
    a) falling
    b) fighting or struggling
    c) searching for something/somebody
    d) flying or floating
    e) you usually have dreamless sleep
    f) your dreams are always pleasant
    

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

THE IDIOT TEST

1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother.  How come?
5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
6. How many outs are there in an inning?
7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why?
8. Two men play five games of checkers.  Each man wins the same number of games.  There are no ties.  Explain this.
9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10.  What is the answer?
10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape.  All sides have southern exposure.  A big bear walks by, what color is the bear? Why?
11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents.  One is not a nickel. What are the coins?
13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first?
14. How far can a dog run into the woods?
15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour.  How long would the pills last?
16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die.  How many are left?
17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall.  What does he weigh?
19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
20. What was the President's name in 1950?

Purity Test

1.  had a date?
2.  had a blind date?
3.  been out on a date past 4 a.m.?
4.  danced cheek to cheek?
5. kissed an MOS?
6.  engaged in definitely sexual activity on the first date?
7.  kissed an MOS in the horizontal position?
8.  kissed an MOS in the last three months?
9.  been french kissed?
10. had or given a hickey?
11. necked?
12. necked for more than two hours consecutively?
13. seen a naked post-pubescent MOS?
14. been seen naked by an MOS after puberty?
15. seen a stripper?
16. had an orgasm?
17. had an erection, clitoral erection?
18. been engaged or married?
19. read a pornographic book or magazine?
20. seen a pornographic movie?
21. had an alcoholic drink?
22. been drunk?
23. used alcohol to lower an MOS's resistance?
24. had a loss of consciousness due to drinking?
25. smoked tobacco?
26. smoked pot or hashish?
27. used cocaine?
28. used LSD, PCP, heroin, or mushrooms?
29. used four or more recreational drugs in one night?
30. been arrested?
31. been convicted of a crime?
32. massaged, been massaged by an MOS?
33. caressed or kissed an MOS's thigh?
34. fondled a girl's breast, had your breasts fondled?
35. fondled an MOS's butt?
36. fondled an MOS's genitals?
37. had your genitals fondled?
38. had an orgasm due to manipulation by an MOS?
39. manipulated an MOS to orgasm?
40. showered, bathed, jacuzzied, or saunaed with an MOS?
41. gone coed skinny-dipping?
42. undressed or been undressed by an MOS?
43. had sexual intercourse?
44. had sexual intercourse more than ten times?
45. had sexual intercourse with a virgin?
46. had sexual intercourse outdoors?
47. had sexual intercourse three or more times in one night?
48. had sexual intercourse in three or more positions?
49. had sexual intercourse in a car?
50. had sexual intercourse with two MOSs within 24 hours?
51. had sexual intercourse using a condom?
52. had sexual intercourse during menstruation?
53. had sexual intercourse at the MOS's parents' house?
54. had sexual intercourse with 3 or more people separately?
55. had sexual intercourse continuously for 1/2 hour?
56. had sexual intercourse within the last three months?
57. had anal intercourse?
58. purchased contraceptives in a drugstore?
59. had an abortion?
60. travelled over 100 miles for the sole purpose of intercourse?
61. described a sexual experience to a third party? 
62. spent the night in an MOS's room? 
63. slept with an MOS?
64. been propositioned by a prostitute or a pimp?
65. accepted?
66. engaged in cunnilingus?
67. engaged in fellatio?
68. committed statuatory rape?
69. gone 69?
70. tasted semen?
71. unintentionally interrupted a couple in a state of undress?
72. masturbated?
73. masturbated with another person in the room?
74. masturbated to a picture?
75. been caught masturbating?
76. watched another person masturbate?
77. simulated intercourse with an inanimate object?
78. been propositioned by a homosexual?
79. accepted?
80. picked up a strange MOS for sexual purposes?
81. experimented sexually before puberty?
82. had an STD test?
83. had an STD?
84. shacked up with an MOS for a month or more?
85. committed an act of exhibitionism (moon, streak, flash)?
86. engaged in intercourse in a public place?
87. engaged in intercourse with an unconcious person?
88. impregnated a woman, been pregnant?
89. committed incest?
90. engaged in group sex?
91. fondled a pre-pubescent MOS when you were post-pubescent?
92. engaged in transvestitism for sexual enjoyment?
93. been sexually fondled by a member of the same sex?
94. orally stimulated a member of the same sex?
95. used a form of sexual lubricant?
96. engaged in bondage?
97. engaged in sadomasochism for sexual enjoyment?
98. committed an act of voyeurism?
99. visited an orgy parlor?
100. committed bestiality?

One of those fill-me-out and forward questionnaires
1. If you could build a house anywhere, where would it be?
2. What's the most memorable thing you have read?
3. What's your favorite article of clothing?
4. Favorite Physical feature of the same & opposite sex?
5. What's the last CD you bought?
6. Where's your favorite place to be?
7. What's your least favorite place to be?
8. What's your favorite place to be massaged?
9. What's more important, strong in mind or strong in body?
10. What time do you wake in the morning?
11. What's your favorite TV show?
12. What's your favorite kitchen appliance?
13. What's your favorite childhood memory?
14. What makes you laugh?
15. What makes you really angry?
16. If you could play an instrument, what would it be?
17. What is your favorite restaurant/cafe/eatery?
18. Scariest moment of your life?
19. What actor would play you in the movie about your life?
20. Do you believe in the afterlife?
21. Favorite children's book?
22. What's your favorite season?
23. What's your least favorite household chore?
24. Pick the one super-power you wish you had
25. If you have a tattoo, what is it or what would it be?
26. Can you juggle?
27. The one person from your past you still have things to say to?
28. Are you a cat or dog-person?
29. What's in the trunk of your car?
30. Of all the people you sent this to, who's most/least likely to respond?
31. What's your favorite day?
32. Favorite song to sing?
33. Who's your favorite superhero?
34. Say one thing nice about the person who sent this to you

yet another "fill-me-out" questionnaire
• I FEEL:
• I SEE
• I NEED
• I FIND
• I WANT
• I HAVE
• I WISH
• I LOVE
• I HATE
• I MISS
• I FEAR
• I HEAR
• I SMELL
• I CRAVE
• I WONDER
• I REGRET
  WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...?
• SMILED
• LAUGHED
• CRIED
• BOUGHT SOMETHING
• DANCED
• WERE SARCASTIC
• WATCHED YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE
• HAD A NIGHTMARE
  WHAT/WHEN WAS THE...?
• LAST BOOK YOU READ
• LAST MOVIE YOU SAW
• LAST THING YOU HAD TO DRINK
• LAST THING YOU ATE
• LAST TIME YOU SHOWERED
• SMOKED
  DO YOU...?
• HAVE STUFFED ANIMALS
• PLAY AN INSTRUMENT
• BELIEVE THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS
• REMEMBER YOUR FIRST LOVE
• READ THE NEWSPAPER
• BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE TO STAY FAITHFUL FOREVER:
• CONSIDER YOURSELF TOLERANT OF OTHERS:
• CONSIDER LOVE A MISTAKE
• LIKE THE TASTE OF ALCOHOL
• HAVE A FAVORITE CANDY
• BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY
• BELIEVE IN MAGIC
• BELIEVE IN GOD
• HAVE ANY PETS
• DO WELL IN SCHOOL
• GO TO/WENT TO/PLAN TO GO TO COLLEGE
• HAVE A MAJOR
• WEAR HATS
• HAVE ANY PIERCINGS
• HATE YOURSELF
• HAVE AN OBSESSION
• COLLECT ANYTHING
• HAVE A BEST FRIEND
• LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING
• HAVE ANY BAD HABITS

Did you know?.........
• It is impossible to lick your elbow.
• A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.
• A shrimp's heart is in their head.
• People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a mili-second.
• In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones ).
• It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
• On average, a human being will spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.
• More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
• The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
• If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in yourhead or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force,they can pop out.
• In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
• The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
• Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
• 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.
• Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

30 Politically Correct Ways to Say Someone Is Stupid
• A few clowns short of a circus
• A few fries short of a Happy Meal
• An experiment in Artificial Stupidity
• A few beers short of six-pack
• A few peas short of a casserole
• Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box
• The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead
• One Fruit Loop shy of full bowl
• One taco short of a combination plate
• A few feathers short of a whole duck
• All foam, no beer
• Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel
• Has an I.Q. of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
• Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
• Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
• Too much yardage between the goalposts
• An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
• As smart as bait
• Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash
• Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair
• Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor
• Forgot to pay his brain bill
• Her antenna doesn't pick up all the channels
• His belt doesn't go through all the loops
• If he had another brain, it would be lonely
• No grain in the silo
• Proof that evolution can go in reverse
• Receiver is off the hook
• Several nuts short of a full pouch
• He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down