It is 4 in the morning here and I am thinking what the heck are you doing up at this time in the morning for James? With eyes still half open I look at this screen and wonder what the real meaning of life is. Why are we all here and what is our purpose on this earth? Why is it that some of us people seem to have such a easy life and others seem they have to fight every day to survive? I have been told that we are here to learn and to teach others what we have learned and to help one another. So if we are to learn and teach don't we get a vacation to just relax and ponder all that we have gathered in our life? Or is it one continuous with out a break learning experience? For me it seems like God is looking down saying "James you are slow at learning so you are staying here until you get it right". All I am asking for is just a vacation where I can go anywhere in my mind and relax without having to think about what is ahead or what I left behind. A few days of sitting on a beach  with nothing but the feel of the surf crashing at my feet or the sounds of a waterfall hitting the rocks below. Maybe I could just sit in the middle of a field and listen to the  birds while  looking at the sky and watching the clouds go by. All I want is just a little time off to just enjoy life and not have to think. When one's mind is  filled with so many thoughts how in the world can we enjoy life? When told to "Stop and smell the roses" how can we when one's mind is going so fast they don't even see them the heck with smell them? When told "Life is what you make it" and I do believe that,  but somewhere along the way you seemed to have lost the recipe. When told "Follow you dreams" and you find out that all you have is night mares why would you want to follow them? Now this all may sound like a self pity party but lately I have run into so many people that they are having the same problems I just wonder what is going on and why is this happening to so many people? We all are good people and we all want to be happy and to learn, live , teach and enjoy life but how can you when ever time you turn the corner there is another obstacle you have to over come? Sometimes I think life is just a track and field event and  we need to race against time and others to be the best we can and to survive in this world. I have been told that God never gives us more than he thinks we can handle and if this true then God must think that I am one heck of a strongman *flexes muscles*. The one thing I am sure of is that no matter how difficult life gets I do have people who care and who will listen and support me the problem with that is I have never really relied on friends or family so I try to deal with life by myself for I know I am the only one that can change it and better it. I have been told life is like a horse that throws you off and that when that happens you need to get back onto the horse . What they never told me is what happens if the darn horse got away and you can't get back on. I will end this page with this  "Life is special as are the people that have touched you in your Life , so enjoy both while you have it".