October 5th, 1998
"God created only a few perfect people in this world, the rest are right handed."October 12th, 1998
"He who has an opinion of his own, but depends on the opinion and tastes of others is a slave." - KlopstockOctober 19th, 1998
"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."October 26th, 1998
"The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee." - Tellis FrankNovember 2,1998
"My fellow Americans, I am pleased to you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes." - Ronald Reagan, Said during a radio microphone test,1984.November 9, 1998
"I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts." - Bethania McKenstryNovember 16, 1998
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head." - Rita RudnerJanuary 11th, 1999
"He's the kind of guy who lights up the room just by flicking a switch."January 18th, 1999
"Either this man is dead or my watched has stopped." - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)January 25th, 1999
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man." - Mark TwainFebruary 1st, 1999
"Is fuel efficiency what we really need most desperatelly? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down." - Russell BakerFebruary 8th, 1999
"For a list of all the ways that technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three." - Alice KahnFebruary 15th, 1999
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." - Lily TomlinFebruary 22nd, 1999
"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." - Jonathan SwiftMarch 1st, 1999
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." - Herman WoukMarch 8th, 1999
"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone." - Tommy CooperMarch 15th, 1999
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark TwainMarch 22nd, 1999
"The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television."March 29th, 1999
"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left." - Hubert HumphreyApril 5th, 1999 "We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." - Jeff Marder
April 12th, 1999 "To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep." - Joan Klempner
April 19th, 1999 "If you believe everything you read, better not read." - Japanese proverb