303. It had recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
304. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
305. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to sever as a warning to others.
306. If "clothes maketh the man" then it follows that naked people have little or no influence on society.
307. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
308. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
309. If you can smile when things go wrong then you have someone in mind to blame.
310. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
311. Drink varnish and you'll have a lovely finish.
312. Down with gravity!
313. If only the good die young then what does that say about senior citizens.
314. Some day my ship will come in, but with my luck, I'll be at the airport.
315. People who eat natural goods die from natural causes.
316. When the cat's away there are fewer hairs on the armchair.
317. If you can't be kind, be vague.
318. Another genius foiled by an incapable assistant.
319. I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life... procrastinating and rationalizing.
320. Reality continues to ruin my life.
321. Keep honking, I'm reloading.
322. Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
323. Clones are people two.
324. F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
325. Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
326. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
327. Boycott shampoo!! Demand real poo!
328. Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
329. Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
330. Obey me, since I am better than you.
331. Maybe his raving was more like insanity telling the truth.
332. If you're bored then you're boring.
333. I can resist everything but temptation.
334. The only difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad!
335. I am shocked and appalled!!!
336. For Valentines Day, show your girlfriend you love her and give her crabs.
337. It's amazing how comforting the privacy of the mind can be.
338. My only purpose in life is to serve nymphomaniacs.
339. Get in over your head and you could drown.
340. The only way to die is in a rain of toads.
341. I'm not prejudice, I hate everyone equally.
342. Everyone who makes generalizations is stupid.
343. You haven't been answering my psychic calls.
344. I smile because I have no idea what's going on.
345. I like your approach. Now let's see your departure.
346. You can be recycled into something useful.
347. I'll stop procrastinating...tomorrow.
348. As soo as you're born, you start dying... so you might as well have a good time.
349. Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines!
350. I'm not popular enough to be different.
351. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger.
352. Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.
353. Som' people use 2 many abrev.
354. I know what you did last summer... and boy do you need a life!
355. I believe so strongly... in mayonnaise.
356. I was wondering why they don't let you write the name of the person you want to vote for on the paper at the elections, then I realised that everybody would just write "YOUR MUM" which would just be silly, because my mum doesn't want to be Prime Minister.
357. You know how when you get a paper cut? I think it's because you were a lumberjack in a former life and the tree was made into paper and now it's getting it's revenge.
358. I'd give an arm and a leg if i didn't want them.
359. Wee doin't nead no edukation.
360. You say "Tomato", and I say "No thanks, I don't eat salads."
361. If a word was misspelt in the dictionary... how would we know?
362. I used to do drugs... I still do, but I used to as well.
363. Sometimes I think there must be better things to think about.
364. All my friends have started dying off, seems to be all the rage. But not for me... I've never been one to follow fashion.
365. Did you ever get the horrible feeling that someone's watching you? IT'S ME!
366. You give a yob turd money, and all he is is a yob turd with money.
367. Is it true that some questions answer themselves?
368. Things in brackets are (not) meant to be ignored.
369. Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines!
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670. Talk slowly but think quickly
671. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
672. Never trust a man who doesn't close his eyes when he kisses you.
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