Scene 1
(Joe walks into the kitchen. His Grandpa Joseph is telling a bowl of fruit an old story while his Grandmas Jolene is stuffing her bra and cooking. Uncle Jack is looking at a magazine repeating “I don’t get it” every time he turns the page and his Cousin Jill is watching Barney and singing along.)

Joe: (talking to audience) I don’t understand. Why do I have to live in this funny farm? Ever since maw a paw died, I’ve been stuck in this looney bin with all these freaks. (Gestures to family)

Grandpa: Back in my day, we had to play baseball with rocks. We didn’t have bats, we used our arms, we did. (Makes swinging motion with arm) And, we had to hit where ever the pitcher threw the rock. (Babbles to fruit for the rest of the scene)

Joe: The old man talking to innatamit objects over there is my Grandpa Joe. I think he forget to take his “special” pill this morning.

Grandma: Jack, am I uneven? Oh well, people just look for the size anyway.

Joe: That’s my Grandma Jolene. Usually she stuffs with toilet paper, but today she’s trying paper towels. She thinks it might give her more volume.

Grandma: Give me that Vouge magazine, Jack. I want that CK ad.

Jack: But I don’t get it.

Grandma: So... I want to put the ad on my stove.

Joe: The odd guy sitting on the couch is my Uncle Jack. He’s a wannabe artist.

Jill: (singing) “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family...”

Joe: And that’s my younger cousin, Jill. She is a Barney freaks. I think her shock therapy that she received from Aunt Lola, for Christmas last year, didn’t quite work.

Grandma: Well, it’s time to eat the grub. (Comes to the table with a big plate of disgusting food. There are whole, uncoked birds, fresh lobster, chocolate covered bugs and other interesting foods.)

Joe: (Sits down with the rest of the family to eat) So.... will you guys go to the counselor with me... please?

Grandma: I still don’t know why you would want to, but okay. Maybe she can fix your way of thinking. (Adjusts bra)

Joe: Great, I’ll set it up.

Scene 2
(The whole family is in a Family Counseling office. Grandpa is sitting in front of a one-sided mirror telling stories while Grandma stands beside him, fixing her hair. Jill sings and plays with a Barney dinosaur in the corner of the room. Joe and Uncle Jack are talking with the counselor.)

Jack: You know the painting by Van Gogh called Sunflowers? I don’t get it.

Counselor: Really, we’ll have to talk about that later.

Jack: And that Mona Lisa, I don’t her either. Always staring at you. I just don’t get it.

(Counselor nods while writing in her notepad.)

Joe: Don’t mind him, he forgot his medication today.

Counselor: Now, don’t make excuses for your family’s “strangeness”. Just try to understand and realize, though it may be hard, that they are what they are and you cannot change that, nor should you want to.

Joe: But what they are is weird.

Counselor: That is only one opinion. Maybe they thing you are the one that is different.

Jack: (Standing while looks at a magazine) Man, I just don’t get it.

Counselor: (Says uneasily) You can sit down now, Jack.

Joe: (Shakes head) I don’t know what to do with them. They’re all so... odd.

Grandpa: Yup, fifteen whole miles... in the snow... with nothing on our feet... but our socks got wet.

Joe: See, what can I do about him? (Nudges toward Grandpa)

Counselor: Oh, don’t worry. (Pause) Hey, stop that. (Talking to Grandma, who is stuffing her bra with toy blocks)

(Jill sings the ‘I Love You’ song louder and louder, Jack repeats, “I don’t get is” over and over, Grandma continues to stuff her bra with toy blocks, and Grandpa tells the mirror more old stories. The whole office becomes a buzz.)

Counselor: That does it. Everyone out! (Points to door) You looneys needs more help than I can give! You people need brain surgery!)

Scene 3
(Joe sits up in his bedroom thinking aloud about what to do with his nutty family.)

Joe: Oh, what to do, what to do? That was the third counselor this week. I have to do something about these freaking nut heads. What did dad used to do when Uncle Jack got out of hand at family reunions? (Puts hand on chin and stares upward, contemplating) Yes!! I’ve got it! Reverse physicology. That’s it! I’ll act like them and they’re have to act like me because I’ll drive them crazy. It’s perfect. (Calms down) Joe, you’re a genius. Why didn’t you think of this sooner. (Cackles gleefully)

Scene 4
(Joe walks down from his rom to where everyone is in the kitchen doing their favorite annoying thing. Joe walks up to Grandpa who is talking to the bowl of fruit, again.)

Joe: Hiya Gramps. Can I hear that great story you always tell?

Grandpa: (Still staring at fruit) Well, back in my day... (Voice trails off, Joe walks over to Grandma)

Joe: (With a cracking voice) Hey there Granny! Looking good. Whoa, you’re not lopsided today. What did you use?

Grandma: Tried something new. Guacamole in little balloons.

Joe: (Mockingly) Ooh, very impressive. (Walks over to Jack) Hey Uncle J. Do you get it?

Jack: Not yet. Hmmm.. I just don’t get it.

Joe: (Pats him on the shoulders) You will.

(Joe walks over to Jill who is playing with her Barney and Baby Bop dolls)

Joe: Can I play?

Jill: (Bewildered) Um... not now, but you can sing with me.

Joe: Okie dokie.

Jill: “I love you...”

Joe: “You love me...”

Joe and Jill: (Joe puts arm around Jill) “We’re a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won’t you say you love me too?”

Jill: (Smile) Thanks Joe.

Joe: Anytime Cuz. (Joe walks back to a chair near Grandpa Joseph and listens intently. He even starts asking questions.)

Joe: How far did you go?

Grandpa: Fifteen whole miles... in the snow... with nothing on our feet... but our socks got wet.

Joe: Wow. Bet it was hard.

Grandpa: Real hard. Once, me and your...