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7 . 1 9 . 0 2 So we got a new toy for the summer. Not bad prospects for under $1200. 2.0 P4, 512RAM, 80GB, DVD16X and CDRW40X. Saved on the monitor and printer of course. Probably end up getting a new computer when I head back up to Madison. Summer is in full swing, and its pretty hot. Of course once again I find myself spending a lot more time indoors and away from the beach - probably the norm from now on. I should just quit kidding myself into thinking that there is anytime to surf and go beach after HS. Went to the Jazz Festival yesterday, kind of neat seeing Abe, Noel Gabe, David et al on stage again, brought back memories from Shades of Blue and state select jazz band. was a litle overdressed for the occassion due to work. Realized that there aren't too many places to in Hawaii to dress up for. Definitely one of the charms of this place. Will never stop feeling like this is home. 7 . 1 1 . 0 2 Not much of an entry for now. Think I'll just let the events of the last couple days sink in a bit more, especially after tonight. Not much to really say otherwise, nothing really that noteworthy to mention off the top of my heard. Not even a bitchy waitress at Mai Tais who tried to haggle a dollar extra tip. Never seen that happen before. Not even on the mainland. Auwe. Talked for a while about things, sorted somethings out in my head and heart, and I was able to clear up a lot of things. Finally got to a win-win scenerio, one that I think was fair and honest, yet true to feeling. hate and stuffed emotions only leads to more strife and grief. sometimes the strength to push and carry on needs to come from within and coaxed along the way by a familiar face. I'm glad that I kept my faith in individuals as opposed to the segments of society that has been institutionalized beyond comprehension and rationality. Its really hard with outer forces working against you. I have always drawn strength from human tenderness in light of intolerance. At the moment, thats all that really matters for now. I think I'm growing up a bit, and just got another boost. 7 . 1 0 . 0 2 If I'm not mistaken, I think I had the brush with the devil today. While I'm pretty sure about my spiritual beliefs, I remain skeptical of the dichotomy of heaven and hell. I do believe in good and evil with many degrees in between, although sometimes its hard to really sense true evil until you come face to face with it. Pure malice and indifference, condemnation and hatred seething through her along her pointed nose and pudgy face. With anger in her voice she blamed me for ruining her summer, her life, her existance. I find it appalling how some people blame everything and everybody else for their problems. I also find it sickening how some people are so miserable in their existance that feel the need to lash out at the rest of the world for it. Funny really, I thought I was doing a decent thing by returning personal property to its rightful owner. Of course she could not hold her tongue to her opinion any longer. I was the ripe audience of two years time. The scary thing about it was that I don't think she even knew half of what she was saying, while she used her faith in GOD to justify just about every one of her sentences. Purity and disappointment, damnation and lack of moral values tsk tsk. I have to agree that some people should be left alone with their crutches. I just don't understand why some are so adamant that everyone wants to take them away. After a little while I actually felt sorry for her, this is an individual who will never be happy, in life nor death. Existance and truth are too broad concepts for any human being to comprehend fully, let alone control. A spitting cobra in a cage of its own personal hell. I once heard a sermon up in Madison about the devil influencing and controlling the weak and the meek. Maybe I need to think about that one some more some time. 7 . 9 . 0 2 Need to remember this day, its important. I haven't really planned on posting any of these thoughts that have been building for the last week, but please bear with me, I need to vent. Some things the world would be a hell of a lot better off without: Religious bigots The threat of crazy extremists ready to crash planes into 100 story towers in the name of an invisible being has become a very rational fear since 9-11. Although there have been a lot of fucked-in-the head people all throughout history that have persecuted, discriminated, tortured and killed in the name of their respective religion. Ultimately religion leads to divisions between people, the saved and the sinners, the chosen and forgotten, which eventually leads to hatred and intolerance. I think we as a species are divided enough by other factors (race, class, nationality, ideology) than to continue to be torn even more. Mental Weakness I don't mean stupidity, or lack of intellect. I'm refering more towards those who lack the inner strength to state an opinion and stay with it, no matter what authority figure demands conformity. Especially when the demands are not only inappropriate, but morally reeking of hatred. Funny, how some of the weakest people I've come across in my brief lifetime have been blindly religious too. Crazy mothers I understand the mother tiger instinct, but at a certain point it becomes ridiculous. Manipulative creatures who demand blind obediance and forbid discourse of any kind. Toxic individuals who insist on living on through their child's career, values, lifestyle, and opinions. these are the ones who see it fit to introduce themselves as the Lord's servants to complete strangers. Passing on their own opinions and views as the voice of the almighty, and casting out damnation and brimstone for all who dare disagree. Afterall, everyone else in the world are a bunch of souless corpses walking the earth. Oops, maybe this list should be shortened just to the first on the list..... Don't worry, none of this has shaken my own faith too much. In fact it has kept me going, encouraged me to try and see the similarities and joys of potential harmonies and relationships in general. Too bad some people are just too fucking blind to see this. |