ME!

Well now it's time to know about me! Well, if you plan on being anywhere soon, don't even attempt to read this, when it's finally finished that is. Well, let me think, where should I start? Well, i absolutely despise my life before the ladder part of seventh grade for two specific reasons:

1) Well, I was so totally fat! I wieghed more in fifth grade then i do now in ninth, so i wasnt exactly a magnet of affection.

2) Well, I will admit that I was totally obsessed with myself. At the time this wasn't a bad thing, because since I came from a smaller elementary school, I was actually the smartest student there. But when i got to middle school, it was completely different, I had to show what I could do.

Well during the ladder part of seventh grade I started working out, jogging, doing sit ups and push ups. So by the end of the year I was no longer fat! Well after that the thing left to do was to get rid of the obsessiveness. So i finally realized, that who actually decides who was cool and who wasn't? The only difference between me and some retarted "cool" person, was that they were dumb enough to think that labeling themselves made everyone believe it was true. So after that I sort of got my bearings in middle school, my job was to be as smart as I could be, and to make fun of as many of the dumbasses who made fun of me in 6th grade as possible. Well after three years I think I have much to be proud of. At the rate i'm going i can graduate up to a year early. In 7th grade I joined a club at school called The Environmental Coalition which taught me alot about how my parents and teachers had sheltered me from a world of death and violation of our mother, the Earth (Thank you a bunch Ms.(Mrs?) Zepeda!). So now im what you could call a semi vegetarian. I try not to eat red meat or pork, I usually stick to fish or chicken (grilled cause barbecued is disgusting).

Well i'm also an artist, and in my opinion im pretty good. I mostly do portaits, but sometimes i do still lifes. In my room I have two large murals, one of Marilyn Monroe and the other of Vampirella. You can check out some of my sketches on the sketches page.

Well today is 9-9-99, and I am going to type a bit more about myself, i know you just looooove to hear about me. Well since that last sentance about the sketches, I have moved on to the wonderful high school in San Antonio, Fox Tech. Well I came here because they have a Pre Law and Research program, but I would take it all back if I could. I came here basically alone, most of my friends went to Brackenridge High,and i have yet to make any friends. Since 8-9-99 I have met basically no one. I dont know why, but i alienate a lot of people. Im taking sophomore classes, and the sophomroes have been basically nice to me, but I just cannot seem to make a friend. Well not that popularity is what drives me, far from it. But i've gone through so much alone already, I wish there was someone there to help now. To top it off, my once best friend is no longer my best friend. She, along with almost everyone from middle school went to Brack, and we just stopped talking. I dont know what happened, because i know this was my worst fear since i started eighth grade. We both promised each other that we'd write letters, never happened. We both promised each other wed call, she never returns them. So im just going to assume that she moved on, im no longer acceptable to her, because shes made some new, cooler friend. I wouldnt be surprised. I guess ill right more tomorrow... or sometime soon.

Well anyway, if i left anything out, or you want to know something else, you can email me...


The date is 2-11-00... the new millennium has come and gone! Y2K we're all going to die! But we didn't! praise the subaudible! anywayZ... sooooo much has changed since that last entry, my life is no longer pathetic, well it is... but to me im moving up. i've made a lot more friends, anywayZ... thanks to my art teacher, Ms. Medellin, i've entered several poster contests, which i believe i have a good chance at winning, and am now in the art program Say Si (San Antonio Youth Yes), what this is is a program where i go ten hours after school each week to work on art... and then after two months everyone in the group has a show where we can sell our art work, we get to keep 80% of the sell. so thats great. i've met this really cool girl in there, her name is Ashley... im sure at this point shes just eye candy, but i've talked to her quite a bit and she shares many of my interests... so that may be something i want to look further into :o). let's see, what else? well, im getting into the National Hipanic Institute's Youth Leadership Conference, which is this big debate competition, in fact, our first meeting is tomorrow! Also, this year i took my ACTs, and i recieved the second highest score out of the entire school, with only the valedictorian of the senior class reciving higher than me! so anywayZ... i am beginning to enjoy life! praise the subaudible!

well, a new day has dawned... today being the thirteenth of march, two thousand. anywayZ.... i guess it was about a week ago that i asked ashley out... she said yes thank god so i didnt immediately lose all my self confidence, it took until today for that to happen. well... i dont know why.. im just a dumbass i guess.... i know she didnt mean to do it, i know that.. its just me. because see, shes so beautiful and stuff. and then theres me... who is not so beautiful... and then in SAY Si there are all these dudes... who are needless to say much more "beautifuler" than me... so you know me, i think everyone is after her.. and then i think that she wouldnt mind saying yes to them... but anywayZ... i suppose i just have to have a serious talk with her... the watercolor opening in say si was on saturday the eleventh.... i sold one of my pieces... im so proud... even if it was to my eight grade english teacher... who cares? its still 17.50 for me... i guess thats about it... im tired and i dont want to type anymore... so... yeah, thats it.

the date is august first 2000, of the new fucking millennium... quite a lot has changed since that last little entry... so, for the person who left no name or email in my guest book... here goes the update!

well, abotu a week after i wrote that last entry about ashley... the fuckign bitch broke up with me... through a fucking email, "my ex came back, and i love him a lot...," fuck both of them... but little did ms. ashley know that i was fucking cheating on her anyway... thsi person i met... nothing much happened, a kiss... that was all.. but i was supposedly there boyfriend too... that didnt last long though, about a week after i broke up with ashley i broke up with them too...but anyway... well, through ashley and that other person i had been talking to this girl i met in choir, jessica... she was a senior, but she was really nice, and she was pretty, i had abti of a crush on her but i figured that she was out of my league... well, long story short... she wasnt, so as of april 6... jessica, the senior, is my girlfriend... well here comes the biggie.... to anyone who reads this go ahead and tell the world... the important people already know... (my family and jessica)i came out to my family... about two weeks ago.. not by choice, i was pissed, adn as a defense mechanism i wanted to hurt them.. adn thats the only thing that i could think of... sadly... they didnt care... i suppose thats good.. but i would rather them not know... i regret telling them the way that i did... but whats done is done... well those are all of the major changes in my life... ill put in all the juicy details later, enjoy....


damn... that last entry was just about two years ago. the date today is august 5, 2002, that sho is some freaky shit. well anyway. that was a long time ago, for real. its just hitting me right now... well i read this whole thing just a few minutes ago and i am amazed at how stupid i was, well not stupid, but naive. its just strange how different things are now. i broke up with jessica in february of 2001 i believe, ten months we were together. but as i have come to believe, everything happens for a reason. and i know that my relationship with jessica was life changing, and i know that still, a year and a half later, its not over. romantically yes, but otherwise, i know that we have much to keep us together. since i broke up with jessica ive spent my time in and out of approximately two crappy relationships, both with men. coincidence? i dont know, you tell me. guys are jerks i guess. let's see, the first boyfriend was about six months ago, jonathan almarez. i met him at work (i worked at little caesar's pizza for a while). he was, however, a little too dumb for me. he only wanted my ass... which is cool for a trick cause he was cute, but thats not what i was looking for. after him was andrew arriaga. a generally unhealthy relationship was what i got out of that. he was emotionally abusive. and he was a loser in general. he had no job, he lived with his mother who payed for everything for him. his car, his cell phone, and his night life was sponsored by the woman who had spoiled him rotten. and sadly, he was psychotic, i came to realize that he had multiple personalities. the boy swore that he was best friends with jennifer pena, the tejano singer. i had a few conversations with his alter ego jennifer... and i said goodbye. that brings us to about the end of may 2002. since then i've talked to three guys, none of which turned out to be "success stories." throw me a pity party i guess.. well thats my love life.. a whole bunch of shit has changed in school tambien. i was class president junior year, and was re elected to do so this year, our senior year. i am the star of fox techs upcoming musical, Little Shop of Horrors, and ive made quite a name for myself as a generally nice, and reliable guy. i am not quite the genius that i once was, but thankfully my efforts in middle school and my freshman year have left me with quite a legacy to show my college. ive got ten months before i graduate. after that i hope to attend fordham university in manhattan... NEW YORK! my next big adventure. friends? yeah, i finally got some. hilda is my best friend for about six months now. and sara, a junior is a very good friend of mine too. im not quite eighteen yet, i've got two months to go. september 24 to be exact. i think that brings us up to speed. looking back on the last few years i am surprised. surprised at the places ive been, the people ive seen, and who ive become. i remember thinking my freshman year that life couldnt get any better than sitting on a bench eating lunch by myself. times change people change i guess... so if anyone ever gets the chance to read this, besides myself of course, i hope you find my trials and tribulations a little interesting.

well hi to all of you guys out there in the cyber world. todays date is September 17, 2003, over a year since that last entry. and my life has continued moving, whether i have or not. new york didnt happen. as i said before i think everything happens for a reason and that just wasnt supposed to happen i guess. i ended up landing at the university of texas at austin majoring in theatre studies. i guess im gonna be a teacher... who would have imagined? sure as hell not i. well im living on campus this year and im adjusting pretty well. ive been here for about a month. as far as school goes it is pretty much exactly what i expected: a bitch. i am actually really burned out right now, which is what brought me to this site again after to long. i guess i figured that i needed to unwind. ive got a paper due on the 19 and an exam in biology that same day. like i said, a bitch. am i still alone? yeah, romantically at least. i have yet to find someone who will last with me. the longest began about two months after i wrote that last entry and lasted for 9 months. his name was robert and i really loved him. i had passion for him that i thought i had lost a long time ago. i think he loved me to, its just that he wasnt ready to settle down like i was. he was an alcoholic, and when it came to choosing between the two loves of his life, he chose the bottle, not me. thats okay though, where ever he is i am wishing him the best. i think he knows that somewhere inside him. after him i think my poor little heart needs a rest. ive talked to like two guys, but honestly i think robert fucked me up way too bad. you put all your eggs in one basket and youre just asking for trouble, yet i do it over and over again. well this guy cracked the whole mother fucking basketful. so here i am in my dorm room listening to some 80s music when i should be sleeping. i have class a 9:30 tomorrow morning. what else? i've been talking to jessika a lot. we did a play together over the summer and after some initial hurdles, we started up a quasi-friendship. we talk through emails and instant messenger a couple of times a week. i am really glad that thats happening, too. like i said a long time ago. i think that we have a lot to keep us close. she still has her boyfriend as far as i know, and i hope shes happy. we dont talk about him much. i just hope he takes care of her. i am so depressed right now i cant stand it. i feel just awful. alone, exhausted, nautious, and i feel like for the first time in my life i have no one there to catch me if i fall. my closest friends have been scattered to the winds. some back in san antonio, others in san marcos, marcella, the other love of my life, my dearest and oldest friend is leaving to boston in only a few months. and the sixty miles that seperates us now may as well be an ocean. between jobs, school, and the long distance fees its enough to make you give up. im sure ill be okay. things are just getting started here. i have plenty to look forward to. i was cast in an undergraduate show called "scapino" here on campus. and im only a freshman. imagine what some years of real training and experience could do. i might make it to broadway yet. im going to end on this good note. if it so happens to be a new year the next time i cross paths with this web site, then i wish all of you out there who even glance, or even think about me every once and a while the best. "some people come into our lives, stay, and we are unchanged. others will come, leave quickly, and we will never be the same again."

today is january 24, 2004. its been a few months since the last entry, about 5 actually. hmm... not too much has changed. im still here in austin. a little wiser... a little poorer i suppose. i had a nice long christmas break, over a month actually. i was very lucky. i managed to get a 3.2 gpa my first semester. thats not too bad (i hope). great news! i auditioned for the mainstage shows here at the university, and i was cast as the lead in coleman jenning's The Honorable Urashima Taro. that is just crazy to me. i still cant believe it you know? some of the upperclassmen were upset i think at that. i guess cause im a freshman, but what can i say? i hope i deserve it, and i hope i do the role justice. i am very nervous though. because im pretty sure that a lot of them are waiting for me to mess up. i mean, i'm waiting for me to mess up. so it'll be proving myself to a lot of people i suppose. im only taking 12 hours this semester. thats a nice break fromt he 15 i had last time. plus, i need to oick my gpa up to a 3.5 by the end of the year. so hopefully the fewer classes will help. i got another tattoo! well i guess i havent really mentioned any of my tattoos. i have three now. the first is a geisha that is on the small of my back. the second is a symbol from hedwig and the angry inch that is on my rigt hip. and the newest one is underneath the geisha. i got the chinese symbols for "famous fortunate beautiful." this last one hurt the worst... oh god it was horrible... an hour and a half of torture! but pain is beauty, right? its the first friday night since schools started and the people in my hall have gone completely crazy! next door theyre listening to some shit all loud... and across the hall the boy and his girlfriend are all drunk... crazy days. im dating someone now.. his name is jaime. i dont know what i can say about jaime. his personality is everything that ive ever looked for. he makes me laugh so much! and hes kinda mean and sassy just like i am. i mean mentally we're the perfect match i think. but physically, hes something that ive never looked for. its not that hes unattractive, its just that hes different i guess. but i do like him a lot. and he treats me vey well... one thing that i cant say for many of the other partners that ive had. well...i guess i should get to bed. thi page is turning into something interesting for me... hehe.. adios to all you out there.



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