Passed Along By Grant Ridge
1) is it in?
2) that's it?
3) you've got to be kidding
me.
4) (phone rings) hello?
oh nothing and you?
5) do i have to pay for
this?
6) do i have to call you
tomorrow?
7) oh momma, momma!
8) oh dadda, dadda!
9) you look better in
the dark.
10) this is much better
than my last girl/boyfriend.
11) i thought that goes
in the other hole....
12) don't tell my husband/wife.
13) you have the same
bra my mom does (worse if the girl says it) .
14) this sucks.
15) can you finish now?
i have a meeting...
16) i hope you don't expect
a raise for this...
17) i think you might
get the job for this.
18) damn! is that all
you know what to do.
19) did i tell you, i
have herpes?
20) now we must get married.
21) hurry up, the games
about to start.
22) i'm hungry.
23) i'm thirsty.
24) zzzzzzzzzzzz.
25) are you trying to
be funny?
26) can i have a ride
home after this?
27) are those real?
28) by the way, i want
to break up.
29) is that smell coming
from you?
30) haven't you ever done
this before?
31) wow!! i've never seen
those before (then grope wildly) .
32) do you know what some
female spiders do after sex?
33) you're so much like
your sister....
34) your mom's cute.
35) what's your name again?
36) do i have to be here
in the morning?
37) a second time? i barely
stayed awake the first time!
38) but you just started!!
39) you're about as good
as a 9 year old, and i should know!!
40) don't touch that!!
41) can we order a pizza?
42) i think my dad is
listening at the door.
43) smile for the camera,
honey!!!
44) take off that damn
monkey glove!!
45) get your hand out
of there!!
46) i think the condom
broke 10 minutes ago.
47) i knew you wore a
padded bra!!
48) cover me boys, i'm
going in!!!
49) DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!
50) Fire one!
51) God, that is small!!
52) hold on, let me change
the channel...
53) who smells like fish?
54) is it o.k. if my mom
(and/or dad) joins in?
55) your best-friend does
it much better.
56) hope you don't mind
i left my boots on.
57) hurry up, the motor's
runnin'.
58) you're fogging up
the wind-sheild.
59) can i borrow 5 bucks?
60) what the hell noise
was that?!
61) stop moaning, you
sound so stupid.
62) shut up, bitch! (worse
if the girl says it)
63) you know, you're not
really attractive.
64) i'm sorry, i was not
listening.
65) what, oh yea, i love
you too, now let me concentrate!!
66) stop interrupting
me!!
67) i have to take a shit.
68) did i leave the iron
on?
69) your breath is funky.
70) (start singing Green
Day).
71) is it o.k. if i call
someone, its o.k. though, keep going....
72) its ok honey, i can
imagine that its bigger.
73) god i wish you were
a real woman.
74) why can't you ever
shave your legs?
75) by the way, when i
drove over here, i ran over your dog....
76) oh susan, susan...
i mean donna.... shit.
77) your breast milk is
like my mom's....
78) you're hairy!!
79) your "happy trail" led me to a dead end.
80) is it o.k. if i never see you again?
81) did i forget to tell you i got worms from my cat?
82) don't make that face at me!
83) all of a sudden i have a headache.
84) you're boring.
85) i like your tits.
86) suck my dick, bitch.
87) how much do i owe you?
88) How come we each have a penis?
89) of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'l kill me!
90) your ass is hairy (the guy says this) .
91) just use your finger, its bigger.
92) does your family have to watch?
93) we'll try again later when you can satisfy me too.
94) get off me, i'll do it myself!!!!
95) can you hold this sandwhich for me?
96) you're as soft as a sheep, inside and out.
97) the only reason i'm doing this is because i'm drunk.
98) my mom taught me this.....
99) how cute... peach fuzz!
100) Damn girl! my tits are bigger than your's!
101) should i ask why you're bleeding?
102) this is my pet rat, larry....
103) if you can't do it, i'll find someone else who can!
104) i haven't had this much sex since i was a hooker!
105) i was once a woman...
106) wanna see me take out my glass eye?
107) no i don't love your mind, i can't grab that!!
108) is it o.k. if i tell my friends about this?
109) i'm sobering up and you're getting ugly!
110) you wanted me to use a condom?
111) you're no better than my brother!!
112) mooooo!!
113) Fire in the hole!!!
114) i wanna see how many quaters i can fit in there.
115) hurry up, i'm late for a date.
116) o.k. start...oh! that feels so... YOU'RE DONE??!!
117) you ever see basic instinct?
118) i'm out of condoms, can i use a sock?
119) don't squirm, you'll spill my beer.
120) Did i tell you where my cold sore came from?
121) you got boogies showing.
122) (start reciting the 10 commandments) .
123) i think i just shit on your bed.
124) of course i don't love you.
125) let me spell it out for you, b-r-e-a-t-h m-i-n-t.