Top Ten Ways to
Torture Freshmen

#10: Tell them no homemade food is allowed on campus, then confiscate all care packages.		Freshmen Moments:
#9: Inform them they are required to carry all books to all classes.		Instead of going all the way up to the third floor, I stopped on the second floor and went into the wrong classroom. I sat there for 10 minutes before realizing it was the wrong room.
#8: Announce there is going to be a test, and watch them panic.
#7: When they ask you how to get to their next class, give them the directions to your next class.		Not looking where I was going, I fell down the stairs leading to my biology class.
#6: Delare you hardly studied for the class and got an A, when in reality, you studied your butt off and got a C.
#5: Narrate horror stories of classes they will have to take next semester, even if you have a cake schedule.		I wouldn't eat in the cafeteria for the first week I was in school.
#4: Invent an imaginary fee, then ask if they've paid it. When they say no, get a worried look on your face and inform them they'll be expelled if they don't pay it. Direct them to the cashier.
#3: Say your school has the policy in Dead Man on Campus, then throw in, "By the way, I heard your roomie is failing Calc."		It was in college for over a semester before I ever went to the library. The reason I went? Just to say I had.
#2: Tell them a really cute upper-classman has a crush on them and watch their egos sore!
#1: Respond to everything they say with the phrase, "If the yellow dog ate the green bug, does that change the meaning of life?"		I got lost in downtown Dallas, 6 pm, Friday night. Wrecks in both outer lanes. Cars were converging on me from both sides. It took me 3.5 hours to find where I was going...it takes most people 45 minutes.
The creators were Freshmen at: Texas Christian University   New Mexico Tech Point Loma Nazarene University Back to Index   To the Archive